Parents have the duty, responsibility, and joy of teaching their children important life lessons. As magical and wonderful as that might sound, reality can mean a certain amount of conflict, as teenagers, in particular, might have an agenda of their own.
One mom asked the internet for advice after her daughter made fun of a poorer friend for getting a gift from a thrift store. Deciding that this would be a perfect lesson in humility, the parents made her an ultimatum, apologize to the friend or no sweet 16 party. The daughter was outraged and even the grandparents got involved as the family drama escalated.
A mom refused to host her daughter’s sweet 16 party after she insulted her friend over a cheaper gift
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freestocks (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Dev Asangbam (not the actual photo)
Parenting sometimes means taking actions that upset your children for their own good
OP’s daughter demonstrates a certain cunning when approaching the situation. She knows her parent’s ultimatum, so she instead ignores it and keeps on trucking with her plan, perhaps hoping that, as OP wrote, they would cave and she would just present them with a fait accompli. Of course, like many teens, she has also underestimated her parent’s resolve, memory, and general mental will and immediately drama ensues when it becomes clear that they will not cave and that she will be out of a birthday party.
Ultimately, what the parents are doing is completely correct, the daughter misbehaved, they corrected her behavior and made a deal, apologize, and then we can talk about a party. She ignored this deal, hoping that, presumably, bad vibes and mental pressure would force them to act. Of course, most adults are a lot tougher than kids and generally won’t collapse just because the daughter is refusing to see reality. This is a pretty childish trait, but it’s one many kids have to work through to become adults. Children have a tendency to believe that if they just tell themselves something enough, it will magically become true. There is a certain logic to this idea. Most of the speech a child learns growing up is from a parent, where, as far as they know, this is true. A parent says something and it tends to happen. So they may turn this idea inward and just keep repeating an idea, as this action, like a mantra, might calm them down.
Entitlement is a horrible trait that OP is right in trying to prevent
However, this trait tends to disappear by the early teens, so OP’s daughter still has a way to go when it comes to maturing. Her parents also made a shrewd decision to “ban” a birthday party. First, her friend was going to have a sweet sixteen party and, unfortunately, many teens are susceptible to the constant comparison of themselves to their peers. OP mentions that in their culture, the sweet sixteen isn’t really a common practice as an alternative to a “normal” birthday, but this would only intensify the effectiveness of the punishment. In general, birthdays are also emotionally significant events for most kids and teens. Before adulthood, people generally measure themselves as a certain age until they are an adult. Each birthday is one step closer, they believe, to being a real person. Younger children attach specific significance to a party, often believing that it is literally what causes them to be a year older.
It’s unlikely that OP’s daughter actually believes this specific thing, rather, she has that unfortunate combination of entitlement and pride that prevents her from actually “debasing” herself and apologizing for downright terrible behavior. Entitlement is an outright bad trait that her parents are absolutely correct in trying to root out. It’s the basis of the “Karens” that are mocked on the internet daily, a lead-in to a lot of antisocial behavior. Sometimes it’s even an indicator of a personality disorder, although the root causes of entitlement are not that well explored. While OP’s kid might be pretty unhappy with the whole situation, the parents are doing the entire world a favor by showing that actions have consequences and that it’s not ok to just make fun of people for being poor, particularly if you are a literal child who does not have your own money.
Many readers applauded the parent’s decision and OP gave some extra details
OP also wrote a follow-up to thank the readers
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