According to the latest data, the most popular baby names in the US are Olivia for girls and Liam for boys. In the UK, the charts are topped by Olivia (again!) and Muhammad.
However, not all parents want to follow the prevailing trends and opt for more, let’s call them, creative choices. You might have a few examples in your own inner circles, too. Or be one yourself!
Interested in the unusual, we even discovered a couple of online threads where people share those that they believe should never, ever be used—but somehow are.
#1
I used to work for a company making yearbooks. One year we found the kids of the Sheets family. 2 girls named Silk, and Satin, and a boy named Cotton.
These kinds of names make me wonder why parents hate their children.
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#2
Stuff like Precious, Chanel or Diamond.
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#3
True story:
I’m in a Target, in the bath section, I think I was looking for like a shower curtain or something. From the a couple aisles over I hear this woman call her kid. I freeze, do a doubletake, assume I MUST have misheard. There’s NO GODDAMNED WAY SHE NAMED HER KID THAT.
I head over that way as I got what I came for and it’s in the direction of the registers. Woman calls her kid again. I DID hear it correctly.
Her daughter’s name was, and I s**t reddit not, Hashtag.
I’m not a violent person but part of me wanted to put that woman into the towel display.
Image credits: Sorry_Masterpiece
#4
My mother was substituting teaching in a high school. When she called the roll, she stumbled on one name and said, “I know this name is wrong on the roll, so help me Ms. Jones, please say your name for me. She said it just as it was on the roll, “Urethra”. I hope her parents were aiming at Aretha, like in Franklin, and just missed a little. Either way, parents should get the name right and not harness their kids with a horrible name for life. Ooooops.
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#5
I know a girl named Felony.
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#6
Twins were called Corona and Covid.
Btw this was actually true.
applepiepirate:
Someone in my parents’ neighborhood did Korrona and Kovid.
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#7
Nevaeh, WE KNOW ITS HEAVEN BACKWARDS ASWELL! you don’t have to mention it every time.
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#8
Sanitiser. Parents have actually named the child like that.
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#9
Met some kids named Cain and Abel. Like seriously, if you want to flex your religion on everyone it is uneccessary. Then I realized “Oh wait, Cain killed Abel”. I was quite confused. Why would you name your kids after someone who killed the other? WHY?
Image credits: Fronz_Jr
#10
As a teacher, I regularly see names that make me cringe, though not necessarily ready to commit violence.
I once had a girl named Bo-peep. Her sister Bambi was in my class the following year.
I had a boy named Elohim (Hebrew for God) one year, and his brother Adonai (also Hebrew for God) the next — I was so glad that there was not a third brother, since Jehovah was the next logical name choice.
I had a girl whose first name was Rice — and her middle name was Aroni. Yes, like the side dish known as the “San Francisco treat”.
Another young lady was Summer, which sounded great — until I saw her middle name was Eve. Yep, like the disposable feminine hygiene products.
One girl was named Marriott — born 9 months to the day after her parents’ wedding because “that’s where she was made.” (A direct quote from her dad.)
Yep — there are names…
Image credits: Greg
#11
I haven’t lost respect but I’m just confused: X Æ A-12
Like what was the point??? I read somewhere that their baby was allowed to choose their gender, but really? There are plenty of gender-neutral names out there, you don’t need to use the Windows Start-Up sound to name the kid.
Image credits: gucci_eyelash
#12
My first year working in a school. My job was to help ECE teacher register their children. As she read the name of the children. If they weren’t crying they sat on the rug.
As I had a mass of children crying around me. She left her assistant reading to the children on the rug. It was then our job to decipher the cryers names.
It to us awhile. But we were down to 3 kids. We asked them numerous times what their names were. But neither answered. I told the teacher to read the names. But it was only one name.
She asked the girls which one was K 8. Puzzled I asked “K8?” She showed it to me. Astonished I told the letter and number went together. The girl’s name was K8, Kate. Her parents named her K8.
When the parents picked up the kids from school I waited at the door. I had to find out what parent would name their daughter with something so closely related to K9.
The mother explained that in her family the first granddaughter was named Kate. She wanted her daughter to have it uniquely written. I told her that her daughter would be teased as she progressed in school. As the school psychologist I worried about this.
After 2nd grade her husband had his wife legally change her name. It was not Kate. The girl wanted to be named Tiffanie.
Image credits: Jokes, Humour & Funny stories
#13
I worked at an elementary school for 24 years and heard lot of unusual names but the worst was “Chaos”. At first, upon seeing this name in writing, I thought perhaps it was pronounced differently and when I questioned the mother how they said it, she said, “Just like it’s spelled”. I lost all respect for her and the child’s father.
When “Chaos” arrived in kindergarten, he proved true to his name. He ended up requiring a paraeducator to attend to his behavior the entire day and essentially ruined the learning environment for all the students in the classroom.
Clearly the child wasn’t “Chaos” when he entered the world but became such as a result of what his parents expected or wanted due to naming him with complete disregard for his future.
Image credits: Sherrie Schouten
#14
Khaleesi. Or any other name from whatever tv show / movie is popular at the time they’re born. By the time they’re ten, 99% of the time that name will be all but meaningless to most people, except as a ‘remember that thing that nobody cares about any more?’ sort of reminder.
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#15
Babygirl. The woman was in her sixties.
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#16
A place I worked at had a student named MLE. as in “Emily”.
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#17
I came across someone named Immaculate today lmao.
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#18
Uber (a parent actually named their kid this).
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#19
I used to work in recruitment and saw a cv with the name Goodness and Mercy on it. That was her full name. I had to call her up like “is this Goodness and Mercy?”.
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#20
Mother: “Her name is See-ann.”
Me: “What an interesting name. How do you spell that?”
Mother: replied, “ S E A N”
Me: “Isn’t that Sean?”
Mother: “AUUUUGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Why do people keep saying that!? So many ignorant people in this world!!!!!!”
And she storms off in a huff.
#21
I have two.
A lady in my hometown gave birth to a little girl. When they came in to fill out necessary paperwork and get the little one’s name, the mama said “ Her name is Femahly”.: When asked if that was a family name, the mama told them no, that the nursery staff had named her. When they questioned that, mama said, “It’s right there on that pink card in her bed. See, it says F E M A L E. Femahly”.
Another, woman gives birth to twin boys. She wanted something a bit unusual so one was named Lemangelo; the other was named Orahngelo. They weren’t spelled like these, however. They were Lemonjello and Orangejello (lemon jello…orange jello).
Image credits: Becky Wilder
#22
One time, I was in a shop. There was a mum there with identical twin daughters, both about aged 7. They were both dressed exactly the same. Not a tradition I’m particularly fond of personally, but fair enough – it isn’t uncommon for that to be the case with young identical twins.
Anyway, the girls were clearly overexcited, running about while the mum was exhausted. But then, the mum called “Megan and Megan, get here NOW.”
I thought she was only calling one twin over.
But both girls came back. So I thought, “Oh they must have similar names like Megan and Morgan, and I misheard.”
One of the twins saw something on the shelf and ran over to it. The mum called out:
“No, we’re not having that. Put it down. NOW, Megan 1.”
“Was she going to start counting down “1, 2, 3” to lead to a punishment?” was obviously my next thought.
But then the girls started arguing about something, and we heard the mum retort: “For God’s sake, Megan 2. Leave Megan 1 alone.”
These twin sisters not only looked the same and dressed the same…they had the same name, differentiated by numbers like the Bananas in Pyjamas.
#23
When I was around 6 or 7…my dad took me to the doctors. It was a normal day like any other, but I noticed a girl sitting across from me. She looked about my age and had the biggest smile on her face. I then heard the nurse call her name… Precious… Butts? Yes… that was her name. Precious Butts. I was so shocked when I heard that and I tried so hard not to laugh. A couple years later, my dad and I went to Home Depot to pick up paint and who were we checked out by… none other than Princess, Precious Butts’s SISTER, It was great lol
#24
Me and my mum ran into a girl, around 6 years old. She said, my name is a-b-c-d-e! My mum laughed and told her good job on the alphabet. The parents, one of which was definitely drunk, said that’s her name. Abcde. I could help but turn around to hide my laughter. Poor girl. This was last year.
oh, and Kristen, only spelled Kris-10. Like at least spell it. I like the name, if you don’t spell it like that. Also, those kinds of names makes the programming system in my dads company not work for that client, so it makes life complicated. And, I have to assume, we kids aren’t the nicest, so there’s that.
Image credits: Amber Rose
#25
I know this woman. She’s in her early 20s, maybe 22–23. Her name is Ballgown. I am not joking. Her parents named her “Ballgown”. She quite hates her name, but does not want the cost of changing it. She has thought about nicknames, but being called “Ball” could have associations with beach balls, tennis balls or sex. And “Gown” isn’t that great either. So people call her Ballgown.
And guess what poor Ballgown’s brother is named. Inflato. WHY WOULD YOU NAME A CHILD “INFLATO”? I lose respect for parents once I start thinking “wow, that name is hilarious”. Just don’t name a child crazy things. It will make the child’s life a lot harder.
Image credits: Lucia
#26
Some years ago a friend of mine who is a doctor was in the maternity ward and overheard a mother and her friend discussing baby names. The mother said she heard a beautiful name while she was there in the hospital and she was going to name her baby this name. The name she overheard was Guana Rhea. Not a joke it’s a true story. …
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#27
A child in my son’s preschool had a name that the teacher couldn’t figure out. The name was La-a. The parent got impatient with the teacher and told her that “the dash ain’t silent”.
Pronunciation was Ladasha. I wonder if that girl changed her name when she turned 18.
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#28
Any liquor based name.
You have damned your child to, at the very minimum, a life of stripperdom.
I went to school with a girl named Taquila. Guess what she does for a living.
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#29
It used to be Nevaeh, until I realized there was a Jizzabel at the elementary. Not Jezebel, JIZZabel. I wept.
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#30
Apple.
#31
Any notable brand names. Chanel, Celine, Armani, Versace.. Bonus points if they have a few kids and all of them are named after brands. Just… why?
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#32
My mom used to work on a maternity ward. One mum called her boy Diesel.
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#33
Mackeyinsleigh or s**t like that, I’m talking about Addiesawn, or Braedear.
#34
Either a Jr or a rework of their own name. Narcissism at its finest. (Also I went to school with a girl named Neila. Her dad’s name is Neil. But they obviously didn’t think it through because everyone called her Alien.).
#35
Anything that is a play on the last name. S**t like North West. I knew a family growing up named Weather. Named their kids Sunny, Stormy, Windy.
#36
When I was around 12, I knew a kid named “Store”. The f**k kind of name is store?
#37
There was a couple who loved Celine Dion’s music. They had two daughters, one named Celine and one name Dion.
#38
Saw a r/AITA post about someone’s sister naming their kid “Anakin Skywalker Lastname” without ever having seen a Star Wars movie. The whole post, I was just thinking “Poor, poor kid..”.
#39
My mother once had a student named Cinderella Famous Aquanet.
I had a friend who had a student named Tyquan Doe ( Tai Kwan Do)
When I used to substitute teach, I had two kids in different classes that had crazy names.
A little girl named Nicorette. And a little boy named Kodiak Baer Trapp.
#40
When I was growing up, we had two sisters as family friends. Candy and Sugar. Their last name was Cain.
#41
As my husband calls them.. the McNugget kids. He worked with a guy that had a McKayla, McKinsley and McKenzie. Dude was a level 4 aerospace engineer with either terrible taste or with a domineering wife that had terrible taste.
Best part was when he found out we have identical twin boys with traditional Italian family names that aren’t matching at all. He couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t have gone with something like Brayden and Brandon.
Listen sir, their faces already match so their names don’t have to.
#42
Chardonnay.
Image credits: aliexus
#43
Princess. Tiara. Diamond
I get it, she’s precious.
#44
Names that folks spell wrong for no reason other than to be different.
Looking at you Jaymes, Kevyn and Geoff.
#45
I know a woman named Lovely …and she really is not I suspect her parents were optimists…but she’s a horrible person and no not pretty either.
I just used her last name after a while.
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#46
I know someone who named their daughter Neveah and 3 years later named their son Messiah.
#47
Boy/girl twins – Peter and Peta.
#48
Really aggressive “masculine” names like Jagger, Axel, Diesel, Gunner. Also naming siblings very similar names ie: Emma and Emily, Jack and Jake, Taylor and Tyler. No, it’s not cute that “they match! “…Let your kids have their own identity!
same goes for Steele, Magnum, Blaze, and Hunter.
#49
Bout 8 years ago the New Zealand Government took legal action to prevent a couple calling their child a**l.
#50
I knew twins named Saffron and Sapphire.
#51
Chadwick. Why. Just why.
#52
Le4’che Henry.
#53
I have an issue with parents who give their kids names they think are cute and clever, without considering the impact having such a name will have on their kids. Like “Chanda Lear”, for instance.
My personal brush with this was a guy I worked with named Huckleberry Finn. Nice guy, and really cute, too, but not as amused by his name as his parents apparently were. He went by Huck, and literally wouldn’t respond if you called him Huckleberry; one of the managers would page him on the walkie (we worked at Target) and liked to call him “Huckleberry”, but he would straight-up ignore her until she called him Huck.
I asked him once if his parents were Mark Twain fans. He said, “no, they were just cruel.”
Parents need to remember that their kids, not they, are the ones who have to go through life with the “clever” names they’re given.
#54
Met a young couple with an adorable little girl.
I held her for a few minutes and asked what her name was.
They replied “Grendel.”
I said that she was going to be a real man-eater when she grew up.
They didn’t know what I was talking about.
I told them to Google or Wiki the name ‘Grendel.’
I would have paid a lot to be there when they did that … !
#55
My daughter’s kindergarten teacher had a student registered as Pharpel. When the mother learned her son was being addressed as such she exclaimed, “His name is Parnell !” The teacher was all apologetic that the school record had his name wrong. The mother replied, “That’s how we spell Parnell !”
#56
I taught a girl named Ra’Jame. Looking at that name, I bet you could think of three or four different ways to pronounce it.
They’re wrong. I guarantee you that no matter what you are thinking, it’s wrong.
Ready for the real pronunciation?
You sure?
Okay….
Ray Jean.
No, not a typo. Ray Jean. With an “n”. And a long “e” sound.
Her parents were either illiterate or drunk. Or both. That poor kid.
#57
I was at the grocery store checking out with groceries and I saw these two girls easily 8 trying to fight each other to get onto the mechanical pony at the front of the store. The Mother yells from her check stand Karma, Ocean stop and get off and come here. I watched as both ignored her completely and went on as if she didn’t exist. On the way out of the store I said Great Mom name your children after two forces not even remotely controlled by mankind. She heard me.
#58
This reminded me of three names that made me cringe for the poor girls that had them. The first was a 16 year old girl named Heaven. She was a cashier at a gas station I used to stop at a lot and she heard almost every variation of “how do I get into Heaven?” by every creeper that she rang up. She handled herself well, but she told me how old it got and how much she hated her name. The station would not allow her to remove her name tag or use one with anything other than her legal name (so no middle name or anything).
The second was my neighbors’ firstborn- a little girl named Desire. Her name was given in such a heartfelt way. They had tried for many years to have a child with many miscarriages and a stillbirth. She was their heart’s desire more than anything. But still, I know that name will be difficult to live with.
The last was a young woman that was in some of my university classes with me. Her name was Princess. Her parents gave her that name when she was born right after they arrived in the US. She said they chose it because they wanted her to have a name in English for their new life in America, and picked what they found to be pretty and feminine even though they didn’t speak any English. She said she would never change it out of respect for her parents and how much they sacrificed for her to be born in the US, but she wished they picked something else pretty much daily. Another name with a sweet meaningful story that had unfortunate consequences for the child.
#59
I once met a hippie family. The dad was Phil, the mom was Synesthesia Wild, and the daughters were Playalina, and twins Kissandra and Kissy Mae. I thought I had misheard the twins names, but then the mom said, “their names both begin with Kiss” and realized I hadn’t. I thought those names would set the girls up for bullying and worse as they grew up (they were probably 2 and 4 at the time).
I heard from someone else that the parents had given the children LSD at a big party. I often wonder whatever happened to those kids.
#60
I recently met a woman who’s baby boy was called “Chadleigh”. To be polite I went along (mostly) without judgment. However she went on for 20 minutes about how it wasn’t pronounced “Chad-lee”, it was “Chad-LAY Remington”. Remington was not his last name. She was adamant his entire first name was Chaleigh Remington. When I told her my Daughters name she said “Oh…Vintage. Okay then I guess.” Then banged on about how tragic it is when parents give their kids boring names that the kids have to live with…Okay lady.
#61
Crystal Chanda Lear. Her father may have thought he was being clever, but did it ever occur to him what his daughter was going to experience? Chastity Bono is another, and Moon Unit Zappa. I knew a lady who whose family had named her “Pixie”. By the time she was in high school she was was six-foot-three and the topic of constant ‘humor’.
I think the custom among some indigenous American cultures worked better. A child had a ‘baby name’ until they came of age to be considered an adult, and then took or were given an appropriate adult name. I think it’s cruel and unfair to stick an infant with having to live their lives with an unsuitable name.
#62
My father knew someone in grade school names Jack Hass. When teachers would as his name, he’d say it right out as natural as can be. There was a very good lady in Texas in the 1920s, or so, named Ima Hogg. My last name is Storton. When my first son was on the way, I went around telling people I was going to name him Norton. lol
#63
My mom wanted to name me “Puck”. It’s one letter away from the Swedish equivalent of dumb**s. It’s like naming your child Dum or Dolt. Thank f**k my dad didn’t let that fly. Wtf was she thinking?
#64
Naming your kid any gem like diamond, any article of jewelry, “Faith”, “Charity”, or anything like that is awful (in my opinion).
#65
Espn.
#66
Naming their child after the parent’s grandma or something like that. I get it’s meant to be special and unique to the family, but naming a baby girl Gertrude or something like that in 2020s is pretty selfish. You might find it meaningful, but your kid is going to stand out for the wrong reason right off the bat.
#67
Jayden, or any bastardization of two or more words that make no damn sense.
#68
I came onto this thread to see if anyone hated my name.
Anyway, I’d like to nominate twin’s names.
Some twins’ names are okay, But Molly and Maddy are on thin ice. Brayden and Aiden are WAY too close. Taylor and Tyler? Ella and Emma?
There were two sisters that went to my school, both named Olivia.
Family friends named their two daughters Emma and Emma-Kate.
I knew one family who named their girls Rose, Daisy, Lily and Poppy. They named their boys Ash, Birch, and Thorne.
Don’t give your kids matching names.
#69
Taking foreign names and butchering them because “they’re too hard to spell or say”. Yeah, it’s not English or Latin based, so it does not look familiar, if you don’t like that it is foreign, then why choose it? Aidan is not aydynn, Síobhan is not Shivaughn (wtf is that) and I will laugh in your face if your “source” is an American website with no actual credit to it when the name is Irish, check Irish websites, Gaeilge (not Gaelic) is our language, so we sort of do know what we’re talking about.
Don’t take a name from elsewhere and butcher it, just don’t, and don’t give Irish surnames to your kid without checking their meaning first. Kennedy actually means “The chieftain’s helmet”, does that sound like a name for your daughter? Really? Dylan is Welsh and means “son of the sea”, Brannagh is Irish and means “Welshman”. By their very definitions, they’re not female. Cailin is pronounced “Cah-leen”, not Kay-lynn so don’t get annoyed if Irish people call you the former, thankfully, that is a feminine word and means “Girl” in Gaeilge. If you want to call your daughter these names, no one can stop you, but I will not understand why you would and if you are going to do it, learn the meaning, for the love of whatever you believe in, learn it.
#70
Giving girls names traditionally associated with boys.
Obviously I’m a recipient of same. I like that my name sounds good with my maiden name. Beyond that, it’s been a huhYOOGE pain in any number of ways.
Then there are the bo cutesy versions:
Charlie, Charlie, Charli, Charlee
Tommi, Tomi
Bobbi, Bobbie, Billie – these are not recent vintage. I know a Bobbie who’s over 60, and new someone whose grandmother was named Billie. Or Billy.
Michael. Really
I also can’t stand it when people give their kids names that are more commonly seen as surnames. I’ve met people whose first names were Page, Sloan, Watson, Walker, Sutherland, and Cunningham. And the currently popular Madison. Or Madysyn. (Yes, I’ve actually seen this). I guess they think it makes their kids sound ‘classy,’ in a Masterpiece Theatre-ey kind of way. Oddly, you never see a kid whose first name is Kowalewski or Weinstein, or Alafouzos or Schimmelschmidt.
Then there are the cutesy, yet deranged spellings:
Thyphynee – for Tiffany. Which is a trashy name to being with. When are they going to abandon this in favor of Vancleefenarpels ??
Ayshleigh – for Ashley.
Gieniffere – Jennifer
Megyn – some famous chick has her name spelled like this. Every time I see her on TV or read her name somewhere, I’m immediately reminded that I’m a few months late for my gyno appointment.
#71
When I was a freshman in college, the resident assistant at my dormitory was Irish-American with the last name Lingaas. A notoriously foul-mouthed guy walked up and said “So how’s your cousin Connie?” She looked stunned and asked “How did you know I had a cousin named Connie?”
Yes, her cousin’s name was Connie Lingaas. And no, it never occurred to her parents that there was anything wrong with the name.
My oldest sister was a candy striper in high school. One of the girls she worked with was named Nancy Drew. She was a bit stockier than the girl in the books but wore a similar hairstyle. I wonder how many jokes she had to put up with.
#72
I was doing a presentence report interview. For the family section, I asked the defendant what her kids’ names were. She said she named one daughter “My Kisses” and the other daughter “Luv Deep.”
I wondered if those poor girls used their real names on stage 20 years later, when they were both undoubtedly stripping…
#73
When I was a teenager(15) I was growing up in the UK. I would babysit for many of the people in the neighborhood, which was a mix of American and British families. This particular family was an American family. Their daughter who was 19 had had a baby and needed me to watch him for a short time. Of Course it was no problem. His mom called him Nagie. I thought it was cute. When she came to pick him up I asked her where she got his name. She told me it was French and his full name is Me’nage a’ trois. I just answered “OH”. Even at 15 I knew what that meant. I could not understand why someone in her family didn’t tell her.
Yes this is a very true story.
#74
Many years ago, when my daughter was an infant, I moved into a 4-plex. Because my daughter was still nursing, I kept her in bed with me at night. After all, if she can eat while she’s sleeping, it’s only fair that I should be able to sleep while she’s eating.
Anyway, I woke up in the wee hours because the weirdo upstairs had broken into my unit and was in the process of crawling into my bed. I freaked out – mainly because I didn’t know if the weirdo was after me or my daughter. I jumped out of the bed screaming and yelling and chased this weirdo’s scrawny ass out of my home. Then I called the police.
While waiting, I started looking around to see if I could figure out how he got in. I knew I had locked the deadbolt, but when he ran out, he didn’t unlock the door. Which means that he prepared in advance for a quick getaway. I finally discovered that he had removed my kitchen window – frame and all. Left his tools and clothes on the ground under the window.
Police arrived, and they did some investigating of their own. They discovered that there were tool marks on ALL the windows and told me, “This guy was coming in.” Believe it or not, the idiot was still hanging around in the yard outside when the police came. So, they arrested him.
I never learned his name until we went to court – Harry Legg. THAT’s when my sense of humor finally kicked in.
#75
My ex was in the Air Force with a guy who refused to give his whole name when instructed to they ended up court marshaling him. Even then he would not say his full name so finally the judge told him to whisper his name to him the guy said his full name was Julius Master Bates!! Thankfully he was told he would only have to say his 1st and last name. My ex asked why he didn’t change his name and he said that he couldn’t dishonor his family like that!!
#76
There was a kid I went to school with who had the first name Dietary. The parents got the idea from a hospital worker who had a badge on who worked in Dietary and thought that was her name, so they named their son Dietary!
#77
I knew many a tribal woman with Western names, all of them meaningful and sweet. “Princess”, “Sweetness”, and my personal favourite “Pudding”.
There was one woman named “NoFurniture” as her mother had … no furniture.
Several Gonorrheas and Syphilis. Women in labour asking medical students their name, so they could call their child after the doctor who helped them. That does make me cross.
But the worst here in the UK is a “Tsofia”. From a woman who wanted her child to have a unique spelling. Of course no one knew how to pronounce it, which irritated her immensely. Just stop. It’s a lovely name and it is spelled Sofia!
#78
I had some tenants who adopted a little girl named Pestilence. Thankfully, they changed it as soon as they adopted her and she was very young so she wouldn’t have endured any ridicule yet.
Also know of a couple named Harry and Rosie Butt. Poor Harry had no choice but I can’t believe Rosie didn’t just keep her maiden name!