It is said that “drunk words are sober thoughts” and often, intoxicated people will blurt out something they’d not usually say while sober. It could be an insult, a flirtatious comment, a compliment, or at worst, a dark and dirty secret. It’s a known fact that alcohol can lower someone’s inhibitions, impair their judgment and cause a load of regret.
When someone recently asked, “What’s something someone told you while drunk you wished they hadn’t?”, hundreds of skeletons came tumbling out of the closet. From scandalous affairs to family secrets, and even some serious criminal activity, netizens didn’t hesitate to get other people’s baggage off their chests. Bored Panda has compiled a list of the craziest drunk confessions to pop up in the replies. Grab a glass of water on the rocks, and keep scrolling for some saucy drunken stories.
#1
My S.O. went out for drinks with a girlfriend. When I picked her up she was hammered drunk. Anyway, she couldn’t stop talking about the bartender.
He had the same exact hairstyle as me, the same beard, dressed similar, same kind of demeanor. The difference was that he was extremely attractive. I said something about sounds like a cool dude, she said:
“He’s just like you: only he’s actually hot. If I could I would f**k him tonight.”
Here’s the deal folks, I have no problem accepting that I am freakishly ugly. It’s been a running joke in our relationship about a -4 getting with an 8. But hearing her say that kind stung differently. I’ve thought about that night at least once a week since then and it was 5 years ago.
Image credits: dinnerwdr13
#2
I was at a bar and was chatting with this married couple I’d just met that night. We’d both been drinking a fair bit, but the wife was probably the most drunk.
A one point this guy walks in and comes and sits with us as he apparently knows them. Shortly after, the wife and I go up to the bar to get another round of drinks and she says to me “well this is awkward. My husband is sitting next to the guy I’m cheating on him with”.
Why would you say this to someone you just met?
Image credits: furetehoshii
#3
That he was in love with a 17 year old girl, and had been since he had met her at 12 years old. Guy was closing in on 40.
THIS is the kind of stuff you don’t tell your bartender.
Image credits: deathandpoetry
When Jamie Foxx sang “Blame It On The Alcohol”, he was speaking on behalf of the many drunk people who have done or said something they probably shouldn’t have. But researchers have found that blaming it on the booze is not a valid excuse. A 2011 study, published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, revealed it’s not that drunk people don’t know what they’re doing, but rather, they just don’t care.
#4
A coworker once confessed they were cheating on their husband with a colleague, who was also a friend. Her son was my best friend of some ten years. Her husband was my boss. The person she was cheating with once saved my life in a sticky situation. That was not very fun.
Image credits: BathFullOfDucks
#5
Was out drinking with an older relative who told me a story about accidentally killing a kid while serving in a war. Pretty f****d up story. I could tell it was really weighing on his conscience even 50+ years later.
Image credits: Scry1Draw1
The research team split 67 young adults into three groups. Two groups got placebo alcoholic drinks, while the third received real liquor. That group drank until their blood alcohol content (BAC) was around .09 percent, or just over the legal driving limit at that time. All three groups were asked to complete a task after drinking, whereby they had to identify flashing pictures. Each participant was asked if they answered the previous question correctly, incorrectly or was unsure. The researchers noted that all three groups made mistakes.
“People who were drunk were just as likely to admit their mistake as those who were sober,” said Bruce Bartholow, author of the study. He added that sober participants would slow down and adjust their behavior after an error. But the drunk ones carried on as usual, even after knowing they’d made a mistake. “People need to be aware of where they are drinking and who they are with to understand the implications of their possible actions,” warned Bartholow, seemingly addressing people like those featured on this list.
#6
My girlfriend told me while she was inebriated, that we were “together” but not really together. That was the end of that relationship.
Image credits: jmoskall
#7
My mother seduced my dad at a halloween party so she could have me as a baby to replace the baby she aborted.
Image credits: Honor_Withstanding
#8
My now ex girlfriend told me while we were having sex that she f****d another guy the night before.
Image credits: Sea_Promotion_8375
#9
I was in earshot but it was not told directly to me. My mom had a little to drink this thanksgiving and tried to whisper to my brother that he was her favorite. My brother was upset by it too and we called her out on it. Not that it does much good. She has dementia and I do a lot for her, but she still hates me quite often unfortunately.
Image credits: Dessel90
Alcohol has long been seen as a “truth serum,” encouraging hours of “brutal honesty” that you may, or may not, live to regret. There’s an old Latin saying that goes “In vino veritas.” Bluntly put: “In wine, there is truth.” The phrase is reportedly attributed to “Pliny the Elder, a Roman scientist, historian and soldier, though similar aphorisms can be traced back even further, to ancient Greece.”
#10
“I had a crush on you for years, but… I have a boyfriend now.”.
Image credits: spocklesocks
#11
A former buddy of mine asked me how much I would charge him to kill his BabyMama. He mistook a prior mercenary career as something that I’d entertain. And funny enough. 3 people over the course of my life have actually inquired about that. F****n nuts.
Image credits: StrongCulture9494
#12
Last year I went to a concert with my then gf and some friends. One couple had to cancel last minute, so my brother and one of gf’s coworkers came along.
Her coworker (married with kids) seems to have some projection issues when she’s been drinking (there were other examples, but this is what Reddit wants to hear). She started telling me about the various people in their work social circle who cheated on their partners, then told my gf that she wanted to f**k my (engaged then, now married) brother.
It made meeting more of their coworkers the next weekend much more awkward for me.
Image credits: jugularhealer16
“Alcohol stifles reasoning skills and contemplating repercussions,” notes Rehabs.com. “As a result, people are more likely to tell the truth while intoxicated, offering up brutally honest, unfiltered opinions. And without the fear of consequences, alcohol can give people the courage to do or say things they ordinarily wouldn’t entertain.”
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism’s Aaron White says alcohol makes us more likely to say whatever’s on our minds. But adds that it’s not always the truth. “In some cases, it could be what you think is the truth in your intoxicated state,” he said. Either way, it’s safe to say alcohol makes us more likely to say something we might regret when we are sober.
#13
On several occasions my gay friends who do not know one another, have confessed to wanting to sleep with me or fantasizing about me after drinking.
I know how it feels now when women have close friends turn around trying to f**k them. It’s distressing and gross at the same time and very quickly ruins a friendship.
Image credits: HumanistSockPuppet
#14
My mom: “You don’t understand, all my children are dead.”
Me: “I’m still here.”
Mom: “when everyone you love dies, it changes things. I’m not a mother anymore.”.
Image credits: Throwawa876543
#15
When I was 9 or 10, my dad woke me up in the middle of the night. He was sitting on the foot of my bed and he’d had a few. He was a single father—my mom died when I was very young and my siblings all moved out—and when he noticed I was awake, he just looked at me and said, “You know…I just want you to know that my life would have been so much easier if you were never born.”
Then he got up and left the room, lol.
Edit: Thanks, everyone, for the heartfelt concern. To just provide a blanket response, this was my reply for someone on this thread, and I just wanted to put it here for for both the “screw that guy” and “how are you now” folks:
“Nah…revenge isn’t all that great. Why keep the cycle going when it doesn’t have to? The thing I learned from growing up with a parent like that—and there’s lots more stories to tell, lol—is that some people are just lashing out because there’s something deep and fundamentally wrong inside of them. You can either let it be contagious and infect you, or you can kill that monster with kindness and empathy.
Everyone deals differently, but it’s worked for me, lol”
I hope you all have a great day and genuinely hope everyone here can take whatever trauma they’ve been through and use it as a catalyst to help others.
Image credits: bazmadi
#16
When I was 10, my parents divorced. Mom took us to Cabo for Christmas and got white girl wasted at the pool bar at our hotel. This old dude kept buying my mom drinks and I voiced my concern. Old dude laughed at me for trying to stop him.
After a while, my mom floats over to me and proceeds to tell me that I’m her favorite child and that she never really liked my brother. Tried to tell her she didn’t mean it, but she just kept saying I was her favorite child. Weirdly f****d me up as a kid.
Image credits: Prize-Treacle5041
#17
An older buddy of mine told me he and all his friends had run to enlist after 9/11, and that he’d pressured them all to do it. He ended up being turned away over a medical issue while they all went over to Afghanistan and died. That’s why he had changed from a fit, clean cut kid into the overweight, melancholy alcoholic he was. We were out at a playground late at night, and I’ll never forget it. I made the mistake of telling him it wasn’t his fault, and he picked me up by my collar and gave me a look of such rage that I thought he’d deck me for sure. Then he sagged and let me go. I guess some weights are as hard to put down as they are to bear.
He made me swear never to tell and I haven’t. He was one of my hometown’s favorite people, someone who was warm and kind to his very center, and he was truly beloved despite his addiction. He died a couple years back in a car crash while drunk, on his way home from playing Santa for the kids.
Image credits: Reginald_Waterbucket
#18
I had an ex girlfriend I was with for almost 2 years by that point, she was drinking with me and a friend, she got tipsy with us at an artist’s showcase. The artist and I were having an awesome conversation, his work was phenomenal, leaving my friend and ex to see the art with the other guests.
My ex comes over to me, grabs me by the chin and says “hmm, you know I’ve never seen it before, but you’re kinda hot.”
My old friend being a good friend at the time promptly shut it down by saying “that’s not the compliment you think it is.”.
Image credits: HumanistSockPuppet
#19
My uncle shot my grandad when he was 5 years old. Dad told me drunk. My uncle has always been the most miserable cold person and it was that moment I realised why. Insane situation I wish I didn’t know about.
Edit: This was in the UK not America for people asking. Yes he died and I’m fairly sure it must have been an accident.
Image credits: Trouble_in_the_West
#20
Me and a friend were bar hopping and she started going on a rant about how the age of consent is to protect little girls from creepy men so theres no reason it should be used against women having sex with boys. She continued that if it wasn’t for prison she’d have sex with boys as young as would have her. She’s in her mid 50s. The whole time i was thinking “wow, I see now why the age of consent laws go both ways.”.
Image credits: Pm_me_clown_pics3
#21
My girlfriend once drunkenly told me about her ex’s large penis. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about it every day since.
Image credits: Aquatico_
#22
My cousin is unhappily married to his wife of 4 years and damn near every time I’m hanging out with him, he informs me he and his wife are fighting.
Anyways, one night we were grilling and having some drinks and he told me that his wife had put her hands on him (violently) and that he kicked down his front door shortly thereafter because she had locked him outside of his house.
We went from hanging out every weekend to maybe seeing each other once a month after I found that out. It’s obvious they aren’t going to divorce and are both playing a never-ending game to see who can make the other more miserable and it’s just exhausting being around a couple like that.
I am dating his wife’s friend which is the only reason I ever see them anymore.
Image credits: Kweschion
#23
Take off you’re shoes maaan you’re wearing the government on yer feet!
It’s just really stuck with me.
Image credits: Onyxidian
#24
I am the king of being told by drunken friends/co-workers: “I USED to be so into you/attracted to you”.
And it’s always someone that I had a massive crush on at the time they said they were into me. So many missed opportunities.
Image credits: Dark_Phoenix101
#25
Someone told me once that they boinked their sibling, almost in a bragging manner.
They didn’t remember saying anything about it the next day, so I didn’t bring it up again. We haven’t spoken in a long time.
Image credits: SmallTownKaiju
#26
“I should have dated you”, a girl I has a real connection with, when we were both in relationships… .
Image credits: Outsiderendless
#27
A recently-divorced groomsman at my wedding was slouched drunkenly against the wall of our dressing room as we were getting out of our tuxes after the reception, and blurted out…
“My greatest regret from my marriage is letting my wife f**k me in the a*s with a strap-on.”
Which, to be clear, we’re all open-minded, progressive individuals so no biggie. But we weren’t expecting THAT, right THEN.
Image credits: cujojojo
#28
My dad (70s) once told me that he saw his dad at the drive-in with a much younger gf while he was still married to my Nana. Somehow she found out about it and located the girl’s family. When my Nana ratted out the other woman, the girl’s family actually sent her back to Mexico as a punishment for embarrassing them.
Image credits: BeargardenParty
#29
A cancer diagnosis of a dear friend. We weren’t supposed to know. So had to act as if we didn’t know anything. It was very distressing.
Image credits: Verbena207
#30
We had a friend who didn’t smoke much weed we’ll call him Tom, we have a party, he smokes weed. Tom doesn’t feel good so he goes and lays on the couch to try to sleep it off.
We have another friend we’ll call Al. Al drinks a lot, to the point of incoherence… Like one time he shows up at a new year party at my house with a 60 year old lady that looks a lot like his mom, gets floor licking drunk and shits his pants.
Anyways, Tom’s laying on the couch and Al comes in, he figures Tom’s sleeping so he will bare his soul. He talks for 5 minutes about how bad he wants to f**k his own mom, getting into graphic detail..
Eventually he goes to the washroom and Tom immediately gets up and comes outside to tell us what Al told him.
So not told to me directly, but I wish Al would have kept that to himself.
Image credits: extra_pubes_please
#31
When I was 14, my sister told me that I was the product of an affair and that my dad wasn’t my real dad. I brushed it off bc she was very mean spirited and always said f****d up s**t growing up…4 years later my parents came clean about it all because my biological dad was about to get out of prison and was beginning to write letters to my mom telling her that he would find me and tell me himself if they didn’t.
Long story short, my mom was 24 and dad 45 when I was born. They got married only a month in and my mom had a one night stand shortly after in the parking lot of a club, it’s where I was created. My dad found out right away when she got pregnant and even though he was mad as all hell, he was desperately in love with her…he decided to raise me as his own and try to keep the family together (he was stuck in a mid life crisis at the time and had not dealt with his trauma or ptsd from fighting in Vietnam). I think he really loved having such a young, care free, beautiful woman to take care of.
Their marriage lasted only a few years after I was born but he stayed my dad and had split custody with my mom. Even paid child support. He is my guardian angel bc he is an incredibly stable parent and still around at almost 80!
Growing up I was always much taller and very different from him and to be honest, I questioned if we were related at times but never vocally. When they came clean and told me, it was very emotional day…cathartic for them both to finally tell me the truth. My immediate reaction was to hold my dad tight bc I felt so grateful he stayed in my life. Don’t think I could have done the same!
I met my biological pops a few times but he is a very sketchy addict/con artist. I was no longer interested in seeing him after that and got even closer to the dad who raised me…
But back to the focus here, I never forgot that my sister dropped that on me drunk when I was so young…it was apparent to me that everyone was keeping this secret in my family and I didn’t find out until I was 18. Felt like a huge joke but I know it was in my best interest to protect me…Needless to say I have trust issues to this day. My dad and I are very close, my mom and mom’s side of the family (including my sister) – not so much.
Woof that rant was therapeutic, thank you!
Image credits: Boring-Brush-2984
#32
Got absolutely hammered and told me he was no longer attracted to his partner / mother of his child, thinks he is “only into black girls” and that he was afraid to tell me because I have divorced parents, and that he was “just going to ride it out.”
His partner does *everything* for him. Like, absolutely everything for him. He totally takes her for granted and it’s been a source of tension between us for a while now – on my end because I didn’t want to see him f**k a good thing up and just assumed he was being a man child. Which is like…that’s a fixable problem. Now I don’t even know what to say to him.
All I said was that if they split up while his daughter is still a toddler, it will minimize the damage. If he just “rides it out” it increases the likelihood that he leaves at a worse time, that he cheats, or that he just teaches his daughter that being miserable in your relationship is normal.
He then said:
“Ya but like, I don’t want her to wind up like you.”
Ah, yes, like a well adjusted dude who supported his mother and younger sibling after his dad abandoned his family, had to find his own role models and learn everything on his own, has become successful and prides himself in always being there for the people he cares about / who care about him, to the degree that I’m listening to his wasted a*s at 3AM on *my* vacation, and is the god father to his child. To be clear this is not his first like, “divorce only happens to *certain* people” kind of ignorant comment.
The next day he didn’t remember what he said and I live 6 months out of the year on another continent so I’ve just kind of let it slide but…friendship ending I think. But he was hammered, grew up extremely coddled in a wealthy 2 parent home…has no idea what he’s even f*****g talking about, so ya…trying to let it go. Not sure I will / can though. Unfortunately.
edit – not to mention the whole “only being into a certain race” thing is…not awesome. But that’s kind of a secondary issue.
Image credits: Different_Mud_1283
#33
I personally regret telling my best friend I saw 3 witches executed by rubber necklaces while I was in the peace corps because they said I was lying. Sometimes it is better to say nothing.
Image credits: Mwanasasa
#34
Drunk at Epcot on the 2nd or 3rd day of our honeymoon, my ex proudly announced to a staff member that she got married to see Disney world and didn’t actually love me.
I thought “maybe she’s doing a bit” because the nice Disney people were trained to congratulate us on the bride hat and the first Disney visit pin, so we were getting a lot of attention – maybe she thought it would be funny to make the underpaid high school students uncomfortable.
>!*It was not a bit*!
Image credits: Uncle-Scrotor
#35
Someone very close to me had a traumatic experience at work and gave themselves alcohol poisoning trying to cope with it. While taking care of him, he gave me all of the gory details of what a child’s body sounds, looks, and smells like during the process of burning to death. He has no memory of having told me – and I’ve never admitted it.
Image credits: Pollowollo
#36
That I was hot and sexy and she liked built guys like me with chest and arms and belly like that, and rubbed her hands all over to check my muscles and build.
While her husband stood to the side.
Like two hours ago.
Image credits: roehnin
#37
My father, at his retirement party, called my only sibling his favorite son during a big speech at the end of the night.
Image credits: Mouse88320
#38
My mom told me I was an accident. I was “proof the rhythm method and pulling out doesn’t work” and that she briefly considered abortion. I’ve heard so many people say that hearing that from a parent would be traumatizing and offensive but it doesn’t bother me at all ? my mom and I love each other so very much, she’s incredible.
Image credits: currycurrycurry15
#39
Bro said if I weren’t so big he’d probably f**k me. No thanks.
Image credits: tryinandsurvivin
#40
My cousin wants a much closer relationship than I think we should have.
Image credits: Ruins-of-Paradise
#41
That I’m hot until I take my hat off. Bald and proud lol.
Image credits: AverageComfortable43