Compromise is a necessary component of any healthy relationship. I understand that some days I’ll have to watch MMA fights with my partner to show an interest in his passions, and he’ll agree to accompany me on a walk for some fresh air, even if he doesn’t feel like leaving the house. But there’s a difference between making small sacrifices for your partner because you love them and naively ignoring red flags that will come back to bite you. 

Redditors have recently been recalling glaring red flags that they regret ignoring in past relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their horror stories below. Enjoy reading through these reminders to trust your gut when dating, and be sure to upvote the stories that you’ll remember the next time you notice a red flag in a potential partner!

#1

She told me she’s very manipulative. Turns out she’s very manipulative.

Image credits: Ganda1fderBlaue

#2

He got arrested on our first date.

Image credits: AngelicAdornn

#3

His friends literally told me to stay away from him. That should have been a giant red flag. But noooo, it only intrigued me more. .

Image credits: NuclearFamilyReactor

#4

He still lived with his “ex” girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex… he was dating both of us at the same time. But he gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live and me being so naive, believed him.

Image credits: Cute-Hottie

#5

I was with my ex for almost three years, and because of strange situations I felt the need to search through his phone and I found a message saved on Snapchat with his girl best friend saying that he wanted to see her naked. I talked with him about it and he told me that he said that bc all his friend group were planning to go to a nudist spa. I believed him and forgave him ;-;.

Image credits: KuroTenhi

#6

When I first found out I was pregnant he wanted to draw a chalk outline of me and gave me a year to get back down to size.

Image credits: WhyLie2me18

#7

Another girl called him on our first date

Image credits: ilikedognbarbells

#8

He liked memes about cheating on Instagram

Image credits: Mulberry888

#9

Keeping an emotional distance. It’s hard to notice when you’re smitten but it’s a huge red flag when they keep you at arms length but close enough to not make you feel neglected.

Image credits: Naughtyx-Angel

#10

Love bombing from the very beginning. He also told me one week in that he loved me.

Image credits: MelodicMoonlight_

#11

Possessive type of guy. He gets jealous most of the time even when I’m just talking to my female friends. He doesn’t want me to talk to other guys even at work.

Image credits: SweetLadyBabe

#12

Girl told me she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I thought I could handle it. Whew boy was I wrong.

Image credits: Dapper-Tie-3125

#13

Someone consistently breaking promises but still claiming to be reliable.

Image credits: AdventurousSofi

#14

His mother told me not to marry him. If it were her she said, she would not wait for him- it would not be worth it. 3 years later I finally realized she was right and got divorced. She and I didn’t always see eye to eye on things but I wish I had believed her then. She knew what her son was, better than I.

Image credits: SceneNational6303

#15

He asked me to move in while ALL of his wife’s clothes were still in the dresser and closet of the master bedroom. Bras, underwear, socks, shoes, all of it. Even her wedding dress.

Image credits: vstacey6

#16

After being exclusive for a few months, he was casually scrolling Tinder. He was so confused why I would be upset. He said I never said “no tinder”

Image credits: PuzzleheadedTie8752

#17

There were a few even in the beginning, but this one sticks out because it kept repeating. Any health issue I had was all about him. Not about concern and support for me, but how it made him feel and how he needed comforting. It’s really messed up, actually, when I look back on it.

Image credits: Wheredounicornsgo

#18

She was always really angry at something. At times, it would be either her dad, mom, friends, or work. Then, for 7 years of marriage, it became me near constantly. Towards the end, I realized that she was really just angry at herself and projected it on everyone else. She refused to change, so I refused to be treated that way anymore.

Image credits: snipesjason64

#19

My partner of over a year didn’t reach out to me for 5 days after I had major surgery. My first ever surgery, and one considered to be an amputation. Not a single text. I saw him through the very same surgery years before when we were only college roommates.

When I reached out to him while still bed-bound and asked why the radio silence, he said he “had his own stuff going on” with his mental health. Like he always did. I’ve never felt as lonely as I did in that relationship.

I stayed another year and a half before deciding he didn’t actually care about me specifically; he just wanted the security of a relationship and I probably could have been replaced by anyone. I will never date someone who isn’t objectively stoked about it ever again.

Image credits: Former-Finish4653

#20

Finding out he was paying OF “models” while never contributing a dime to the home he lived in and continued to stuff his gullet with home cooked food.

Image credits: Eveny101

#21

I watched my x-wife have a temper tantrum, in a parking lot. The car in front of her didn’t pull in to a spot, fast enough for her. I put it down to her being tired, 4 years of her being tired.

Image credits: Register-Honest

#22

His whole extended family disliked him and thought he was flaky. He fed me a sob story about how they were all a******s. I ate it up. I had so much empathy. No, he’s just a flaky a*****e.

Image credits: Dreamy-Muse

#23

My boyfriend would tell me everyday how I deserved so much more and now I’m too good for him. Then one night while we were out at a bar he told me that “he is not the man that I need. I’m too good for him”. I proceeded to tell him “nah, don’t say that” for another year…
Next time a man tells me “I’m too good for them” I am putting my running shoes on and running as fast as possible.

Image credits: Leavemelonely1

#24

That he threw an adult tantrum if he didn’t win at “board game” night. Oh, and he had to be right all the time. He’d “kindly” remind me that he was right in an argument that he’d often instigate.

Image credits: SpecificFilm4097

#25

He tried convincing me it was MY fault he got a speeding ticket otw to the grocery store because I didn’t want to go with him…

Image credits: coldbrwd

#26

He lived at his apartment for 6 months, but had no furniture in it. Yet spent the whole date bragging about how much money he had in the bank. His excuse was he “hadn’t gotten around to it cause he works a lot.”

Not to long after, the alarming red flags had piled up and got the f*** out.

Image credits: Pawsoverpeople

#27

He used to compliment other women in front of me. Not like “You look nice/great”, but “Damn you look fine today”, “You have a great body” etc. I knew this wasn’t normal, but he gaslit me whenever I brought it up.

Image credits: LeaderOk5776

#28

I once dated someone for 3+ years who never drove to see me. I always had to drive an hour to see him every weekend. I felt so alone and heartbroken the entire time we were together. I was so exhausted from working 40+ hours a week and driving so much just to make it work.

Image credits: Outrageous-Spite-408

#29

He had papers in his car that listed personal items, I soon realized it was the paper they use to detail when someone is arrested. The person who was arrested had a different last name than he did, but listed him as her husband. I confronted him and he said “oh I’m just her friend.” Turns out they had been married for years …

Image credits: caritasticnumbaone

#30

“Looking back, the biggest red flag I ignored was when my ex would always play the victim, no matter what the situation was. Anytime we had an argument, somehow it would flip around to be about how *I* hurt *them* or didn’t understand them, even when they were clearly in the wrong. I thought I could help them see things differently or that it was just a phase, but it turned into a pattern that never changed. Definitely wish I hadn’t overlooked that one.”.

Image credits: bunny_rainbow69

#31

Me to my (ex) best friend: “yes you can bring the kids over to swim today but I have a Telehealth appt during that time and will be unavailable for 45 min”
Her: “absolutely! No problem, we will just be out by the pool”

25 minutes into my therapy appt she was knocking on all the doors, ringing the door bell, and CALLING MY PHONE bc her daughter wanted a hair tie. I ended my therapy appt early because I was so stressed out I was physically nauseous.

So many of my therapy appointments revolved around how to help this woman. I spent $1,000’s trying to help her just to ease my own anxiety. Our friendship dissolved in an instant when I tried telling her, her drinking was endangering her children.

#32

Not me but my sister. When I first met her new boyfriend, I asked if he had any kids. Pretty straightforward and normal question. He got really awkward and gave an evasive answer of basically “it’s complicated.” It’s not complicated, he just has kids he doesn’t see or support. ???.

#33

He told me some of his exes told him he had no feelings. I thought they must be wrong.

Truly, I was kind of right. He did feel things. He felt very strongly that any emotion I was feeling was incorrect and/or overblown. This included things like crying “too much” when my dad died.

Happily single now and much more cognizant
of behaviour I wouldn’t tolerant in future relationships.

#34

Went to move in together and he wasn’t packed on moving day. I had to load my stuff up and then help him pack his and found him playing on his phone while I was working. When unpacking, I found boxes from his previous move that he never unpacked at his last place that contained empty water bottles and other garbage. We didn’t work out.

#35

Refused to introduce me to his parents and sister for so long in our first year together that I finally gave up asking – after all, we hung out with his brother sometimes, so that was fine, right? Finally a family wedding came up and I met them… and he was furious that I told them we’d been dating for four years. Wouldn’t let me see them again after the wedding.

Broke up a few months later after he cheated on me. Turns out I was probably his side piece for most of our first year together and that’s why he didn’t want anyone but his bro (who he was tight with) knowing how long we’d been dating.

#36

I had a partner that would bring their gaming laptop with them when they would come to visit me, and essentially would ignore me 80% of the time they were at mine to use it. Would assure me that when we lived together that wouldn’t be the case, so I proceeded to ignore it. Turns out that 80% of the time turned into 100% of the time after I uprooted my life to live with them. I wasn’t even allowed to touch the guy for any kind of comfort let alone anything else during the odd hour he would allow me together maybe once a month. But as I say, completely on me for ignoring the blatant red flag in the first place.

#37

‘I accepted my exs follow request and talked with her so that I can make her jealous about how good our relationship is going’

#38

“I’m an empath”

Said the least empathetic people I’ve ever met.

#39

He arrived carrying only a single black rubbish bag filled with his possessions, but claimed that his home had burned down.??? A little over a year later, he left with a black garbage bag full of his possessions, therefore our place must have burned down as well!

#40

An ankle monitor.

#41

The biggest red flag is my best friend of seven years, always using me and taking advantage of me, only caring for herself like it was a one-sided friendship where she would come to me when she wants comfort and I would comfort her and make her feel better, and the minute she feels better she hung up so it’s always about her, she would only call if she wants to talk about herself, would ask me to hang out only if she doesn’t have a ride, if she asks me to hang out it would be the places that she wants ONLY, she likes anime stuff so we would go to anime festival abd movies,it was never the places that I wanted to go to, she would never ask me how I’m doing or how am I?, Even when my dad had a serious accident. She didn’t ask How is he or comforted me ,the only thing she said was ” so you can’t drive us to that festival anymore?”and then called me the day of the festival and asked again if I can “drive her”I thought she meant us going together so I said no I can’t I’m sitting with my dad, she said it will only take 20 minutes, just come and drive me and then go back to your dad and than I can call you when I’m done to take me back home I really don’t know How did I not see it.

#42

My ex-wife hated Weird Al.

#43

Knew this chick that shot her ex-husband. I started dating her, thinking it must’ve been a serious f**k-up on his part (she didn’t go to jail, that I knew of). Found out later, after she also pulled a gun on me, nope, she was a total psycho and her ex was completely normal and a stand up guy. Afterwards, I found out she didn’t go to jail because she had political connections there, but she was on probation and wasn’t legally allowed to have a gun.

#44

They had a crazy ex who wouldn’t leave them alone.

This is a real thing that happens and I feel terrible for people who are stalked by an ex. But sometimes the ex keeps popping up because the person still has feelings or likes attention and is doing things to encourage said ex.

#45

He was recently divorced with a 7-year-old daughter… and a 7-year-old son, not with his wife. Born two months apart from an affair.

#46

When the person I was seeing would never introduce me to their friends or family.

#47

Always complaining about their life.

#48

Drove 1500 miles to meet her family. When I got to their home in super rural Missouri, her brother was being interviewed by producers from the Jerry Springer show because their grandpa (29 years older than them) had stolen his girlfriend.

#49

Never showed affection.

#50

Flipped the script on every argument.

#51

Flirting with others constantly.

#52

Expecting me to solve their problems.

#53

On a first date with the now ex boyfriend. He constantly talked about his ex. Disparagingly. Should’ve ducked & ran. 4 months of being gaslit, love bombed. The first week we met he asked me to marry him. I said no. You don’t know me. And when you do, you won’t like what you see. We also fought almost every day. Very stressful. He was also very jealous & insecure. My favorite thing about him was him telling people I barely knew about personal stuff from our relationship. Things I thought were going to be between us. The only time in my whole life that I’ve gone to my mother for relationship advice. My piece of advice is whatever happens between partners should stay between partners.

#54

Went through my phone without asking.

#55

Wouldn’t let me have my own space.

#56

Excessive drinking.

#57

Obsessed with their phone.

#58

Couldn’t handle serious talks.

#59

Talking trash about mutual friends.

#60

Always fishing for compliments.

#61

Trying to change who I was.

#62

Woman I was dating had told me initially she’d been married before (and had a kid). Alright, nbd. I knew she had one other significant relationship that lasted a few years but had ended about a year before I came into the picture.

A few weeks into us dating and one day she gets all stressed about this legal proceeding involving her second ex. I figured it was something abuse related but she nonchalantly mentioned that they had been married as well. She was 33 and had been married and divorced twice in 10 years.

At the time it didn’t seem like to big of a deal, but after she told me she loved me, then reneged after 3 weeks, and then posted online about her new man 2 weeks after we split, I figured I’d missed a red flag the size of Texas.

#63

My happy-go-lucky labradoodle who was a gentle giant not only tried to bite him, but went for his throat.

#64

First time I took my ex to a bbq with friends and family she was on the phone arguing with a pharmacy about a problem with her meds. Loudly in front of everyone. Like there was plenty of room to get away from the group. I stayed with her for about ten years. We had a son. I’ve had full custody for over four years now. I tried to help but eventually her mental health issues were too much to raise my son around not to mention the stress it was causing me.

#65

Talked about wanting to run over animals (Geese walking by) with their car… more than once.
I took it as a joke at the time and laughed uncomfortably, but I have found people who have no respect or general compassion towards animals generally turn out to not be very nice people.

Same with another person making 9/11 “edgy” jokes about the jumpers and wishing she was there/got to experience it… while we were at a memorial site…
(This second person also “joked” about Jeffrey Dahmer being a cute sexy misundertood UwU baby boy that should get more sympathy)

I guess it’s people trying to pass certain f****d up comments no sane person would even think to make as jokes.

#66

He told me his memory was so bad that he completely forgot about his ex until they bumped into each other in public. I don’t know why but that just seems like an odd thing.

#67

Told me he was an a*****e and self diagnosed sociopath…ooh tell me more
Not a good person for a naive girl of 20 to date.

#68

I was 17, he was 27 and my youth director at church…so I married him two years later and stayed for 13 years.

#69

He was 54 years old and lived with his mother.

#70

He didn’t know how to cook ravioli. Just, standard, cheap-from-the-supermarket ravioli.

He was 25, still lived at home, his mum made did all the cooking and laundry, which is fairly standard, but also made him a hot chocolate every night, turned down his bed and bought him all his clothes.

He was talking marriage, I told him he needed to move out of home for at least 6 months before he asked.

His Mum also told me she’d had the choice of two men to marry. One was musical, like her, and made her laugh a lot, but she doesn’t regret marrying the other, as he was the sensible choice. I never saw her husband smile once the whole time I dated their son….and I don’t think that had anything to do with me.

My ex married, and moved to the town next to mine – my town is tiny, I go to theirs often, and bump into his wife occassionally at a mutual interest group – I knew her through the same group before they started dating. Every time I do, I feel a jolt of panic, thinking it could have been me married to him, and want to ask if she’s truly happily married, or is it just for show? Our sons played the same sport a few years ago and I’d see him every weekend. I hated it.

He wasn’t a bad guy. I wanted to break up, but he wanted to try and make it work, but I think it only lasted a few more weeks before I realised nothing would change and then he interrupted me dumping him to dump me first. It didn’t seem like a bad relationship at the time, just not the right one – and I had much worse after – but still, my reaction to him – and his wife – now, makes me wonder what other red flags I didn’t notice.