People tend to make a lot of assumptions. With so much information to process every single day, it’s hard not to. But generalizations can lead to misinformation and a warped sense of reality. All of us need a wake-up call to keep us grounded, from time to time.
Recently, the members of the massively popular r/AskMen shed some light on what it’s like to live as a guy. They shared some of their top facts about men that women might not be aware of. We’ve collected some of their best insights to share with you. Check them out as you keep scrolling.
#1
You can think someone is attractive without being attractED to them.
Image credits: Accel_Lex
#2
Sometimes we aren’t consciously staring at some part of your body, we’re just zoned out thinking about something and you happen to be in the line of sight.
Image credits: Flatulatio
#3
That as much as you assume we know what you’re thinking, we don’t. We like directions, instructions, not assuming that we know what we have to do.
Image credits: Megaman2u
It’s no wonder that there’s some misinformation about any topic, including men, floating around on the World Wide Web. People are more likely to believe information that gets repeated more frequently. This is true for both real facts and gossip.
This phenomenon is called the illusory truth effect. It’s a cognitive bias where individuals associate reliability and plausibility with repetition. Somewhat worryingly, it holds true even when someone starts off knowing that the information they’re hearing is false or if they’re suspicious of the source’s reliability.
#4
It feels like many women are misinformed about what we find attractive.
Relaxenjoyyourself:
Very true. It seems to me that women get their idea of what a man finds attractive from other women and gay men. I think a lot of celebrity women are too thin and look sick.
Image credits: Haventyouheard3
#5
We can talk with our male friends for hours, and not find out a damn thing about what’s going on with their lives.
And we’re still cool with each other.
Image credits: Spektakles882
#6
When I say “I don’t care” about something, I truly do not care. I don’t care if we go to visit your parents or go watch grass grow outside. I really want to do whatever makes you happy.
Image credits: Knautical_J
Psychology Today explains that the illusory truth effect was first established in 1977 with the help of a series of psychological studies. During those studies, researchers found that every time an untrue statement was repeated, people’s confidence in the validity of the information grew.
While this can lead to the accidental spread of misinformation, others can deliberately use this cognitive bias to spread propaganda, especially related to political topics.
#7
The reason why so many men don’t show emotion is because at one point in our lives, we opened up, and it was used against us to some degree. It’s happened to almost every man at some point. We choose to be distant so we don’t get hurt again.
Image credits: Vegetable-Mall-2329
#8
Some of us don’t cheat. Some of us don’t like one night stands. I like to know my woman’s body. Easier to make them crazy about me.
Image credits: WadeFlavor
#9
The “Nothing Box”…we really do have the ability to think about nothing. Women have a hard trouble believing this. I refer to you the below comedian who explains it well….
Like how so many men love fishing and women can’t understand…just switch off and think about nothing.
Image credits: _VittuPerkele
A major issue with countering the illusory truth effect is that pushing back against misinformation relies on repeating the same lies that you’re trying to debunk. This, ironically, only works to solidify those very same false facts.
One alternative solution is using the truth sandwich approach, as proposed by cognitive linguist George Lakoff. He suggested mentioning the truth, then the lie, and then describing the correct info. Lakoff suggests always repeating more truths than lies.
#10
We can go months without ever receiving any attention from the opposite sex.
Image credits: Agreeable-Many7054
#11
That many of us don’t want to hurt women or make them uncomfortable.
I spend so much mental effort and time monitoring myself so I don’t make the women around me uncomfortable. I understand why women feel like this – it only takes 1 s****y man to change someone’s life forever. So I get you have to be vigilant.
I know I’m not dangerous. But I also know women have to operate under the assumption I could be dangerous for their own safety.
I get it. I just want you to feel safe.
Image credits: 4greatscience
#12
We don’t care for the long gel acrylics or threaded eyebrows or pound of make up.
Image credits: not_a_cat_i_swear
Another alternative is so-called prebunking or inoculation. In short, it involves first explaining how scientific information can be distorted and then moving on to the consensus on the subject.
What false truths have you personally heard about men, Pandas? What misinterpretations do you wish would get corrected everywhere on the internet? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.
#13
That we don’t just care about s*x, and that some of us actually care very little about it at all.
Image credits: orlybatman
#14
It hurts when you invalidate our feelings or tell us we are bad at things.
Image credits: Always_Choose_Chaos
#15
We really dont talk s**t or sex about you.
Can’t remember the last time a bud has talked about their sex life or drama life, we just don’t talk about that.
Image credits: Ta-veren-
#16
That some of us need an emotional connection to enjoy sex.
#17
That having a hard on doesn’t always mean I want s*x. After 21 years together, my wife still can’t get her head around that.
Image credits: crimsonavenger77
#18
1) Sometimes erections happen and has nothing to do with what we’re seeing or thinking about.
2) We really don’t get complimented ever. I’ve seen some women on here recently claim this isn’t true.
3) Women are just as responsible as men for men suppressing emotions.
Image credits: MartialBob
#19
Women would be surprised to know just how many of us have been SAed.
Image credits: savethebros
#20
Sometimes we don’t feel like talking doesn’t mean there is anything wrong. We just need time in our own heads sometimes.
Image credits: Sufficient-Produce83
#21
That we don’t care about our appearance. Many of us do and put effort into looking good.
Image credits: Content_Knowledge790
#22
We feel sadness after a break up.
#23
We actually find you just as attractive without the makeup, my wife still doesn’t believe me and gets confused when I compliment her makeup but she actually doesn’t have any on. I really can’t tell sometimes.
#24
Many women believe we don’t care about emotional connection as much as they do, but in reality, we often value it deeply but might express it differently.
#25
The idea that men don’t need to talk about their feelings.
#26
That men aren’t affected by relationship issues as much as women.
#27
When we say we’re fine we mean it… Alternatively if we say we aren’t thinking about anything.
Image credits: Ultralusk
#28
Men want to, need to and would love to be expressive and vulnerable around you, sometimes switching roles and being the one with the shoulder we need to cry on is ok. It doesn’t mean we are weak, it means we trust you like we trust our mother and would like to open up and build a bond where we both feel supported by each other.
I’ve heard a lot of women complain that men don’t share or men aren’t emotional. Tbh if a man gets emotional, y’all either make fun of it, or dismiss him as a weakling, and then ask why we don’t get vulnerable around y’all. We just find it easier to share it with a guy friend (most of whom don’t know how to deal with their own emotional issues so supporting each other is out the window).
And to the few women I’ve met who understand and support men while they’re being vulnerable, thank you.
#29
That we can find women who look very different attractive at the same time.
#30
We walk around late at night feeling completely safe and carefree.
#31
We don’t want our girl to be like the girl I like on my instagram feed.
Image credits: IkramAli007
#32
I gave up dating and chasing women years ago. I was never any good at it and never found it was worth the effort. I’m perfectly fine single so I just can’t muster the enthusiasm to bother putting the effort in any more.
My female friends and family flat out refuse to believe I haven’t been on a date or hooked up with anyone in about 5 years. They view all guys as desperate, s*x crazed maniacs and the notion that as a single, straight, apparently reasonably attractive man I’m not out trying to hook up with women constantly just does not compute with them and they refuse to believe it.
They think I’m lying or I’m hiding some secret harem of women somewhere, and I’ve even had some of them try to test if I’m actually gay and hiding it. When I’ve explained my issues with dating to them in the past they just scoff at it and say ‘why don’t you just go to a bar and hook up with someone or download a dating app’, as if that’s all I have to do and I’ll have women lining up to get with me. They’re baffled when I say it’s not that easy for some guys.
Image credits: chadgalaxy
#33
That not all of us are misogynistic, domestic violence prone , controlling , anger issues having a******s . There are many of us who just want to be heard , asked about our interests, accompany you and die fighting for you .
Oh yeah and we just wanna be held sometimes.
#34
Women don’t know what men find attractive. A lot of women I know personally think men love playing mind games. Think playing hot or cold because “men love mystery”. One of the dumbest things I’ve heard in a long time.
Image credits: Vlad_The_Great_2
#35
That it’s entirely possible to be a perfectly decent guy with social skills and a good heart, yet still struggle to find love.
I’ve found that, as a man, if you ever say you’re struggling with dating, YOU by default are the problem and people will turn into private investigators trying to find out what’s wrong with you. Maybe you’re unhygienic, or you just don’t groom yourself, or you’re secretly a misogynist. It has to be *something*
No, that’s not necessarily true. That is called the Just World Fallacy. If you can’t get a date, people will often give you nothing advice like “just take a shower,” assuming that if dating is a struggle for you then you must genuinely be that clueless. There are scores of well put together men that just aren’t finding love for any number of reasons that are out of their control and insinuating that they always must be doing something wrong perpetuates the stigma against people who are single in adulthood. The stigma that they’re single because something is wrong with them.
I don’t doubt a lot of men have some ridiculous blind spots in the dating world, but based on dating discourse I’ve seen on here, it seems a lot of women think all a man has to do is be a good and fun human being and he’ll be snatched up immediately.
Image credits: NawfSideNative
#36
That almost all the s****y things that happen to women at work also happen to men. We get talked over, talked down to, excluded, “mansplained” too, and underpaid as well. The number of times I’ve heard women complain about this stuff as if it only happens to women is unreal. Maybe it happens more to women, I don’t know, but some women seem to believe it literally never happens to men.
There actually isn’t a “boys club” where all the men get together smoke cigars, drink brandy, and discuss how we’re going to keep the womenfolk down and rate their b**bs.
Image credits: ghostofkilgore
#37
The dating playing field is not level, it’s just not. Women have the better odds and it doesn’t seem close.
Image credits: fridgemanosteel
#38
That we are ready to bang anytime. First of all, I can’t get aroused about a woman I don’t respect. Don’t care how bouncy your figure is if you talk down to the help.
#39
1. erections are involuntary. Sometimes a response to mental or physical stimulation, but sometimes you can find yourself having an erection you don’t want, and everyone thinks you’re horny when you’re not.
2. we have a stitchline on our balls from when the labia fused in the womb to create what then became the ballsack.
3. we all have a shoebox of old wires, adapters, connectors, and cables.
4. sometimes we slam doors and break things, not because we’re angry or anything like that, but it can be hard to control your strength sometimes, so you might slam a door and then instantly recoil like “oh f**k oh f**k oh f**k” because you realized you shut it too hard – this is also why some men might be averse/scared to choke or slap girls in bed who ask for it; we don’t want to cause actual harm, and it’s very easy to accidentally go too hard.
5. I don’t know anything about, nor talk about, my friends’ partners. I care about my friends, but I don’t ever think to ask about their partners. whether it’s a person they’re dating, or one they’re set to marry.
6. A lot of guys can be satisfied with a mattress on the floor, a tv and a fridge with only basic supplies. Anything else is nice-to-have, but not necessary for us to want to spend our entire weekend at home just lounging around.
7. and of course, we spend years trying different positions to optimize our fart-sounds.
#40
I feel like I’m always in a position where I’m expected to be the one that should be proving my love to women. Never the other way around. As if women were some kind of reward/trophy.
I’ve observed that nearly everywhere. Men have the pressure to actually do something beneficial to the relationship, women don’t have that pressure. Women get away with being the “passive” one very often.
#41
Something women believe is a lie, but is actually true. Men are not complicated. We are simple creatures. When we aren’t listening, it means we aren’t listening. When we are horny, we are horny and you can either be a part of it or we’ll take care of it ourselves. We will cuddle after sex for you, not for us.
If a man doesn’t text you as fast as you think is appropriate, it’s because we’re busy and don’t wish to lose focus. Getting annoyed with our lack of communication will only male us not want to communicate.
Anything we do for a woman is for one goal. Sex. Quid pro quo. I do something for you, I’m expecting something sexual in return.
#42
That men actually have feelings.
That men want women to be accountable.
#43
I wouldn’t say women think this is a lie, but I’ve never met a woman who has a full understanding of the fact that the male orgasm is a biological imperative. That is, if we never have sex and never touch ourselves, our bodies will force us to have an orgasm anyway, in our sleep, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
No amount of just taking a cold shower and thinking pure thoughts will make our biological imperative go away. When men talk about being horny or needing s*x… this is what we mean. That orgasm is going to happen one way or another. It’s not our “fault.” It’s not because we’re “creeps.” It’s not because “all we think about is s*x.” It’s because our bodies are built this way, and if women find that frustrating or off-putting, they can take it up with the Great Watchmaker.
#44
We can go #1 and #2 at the same time.
#45
When we say that your makeup looks fine and you spend another 20 minutes applying stuff, we really mean it.
#46
That we are only into our own sexual pleasure. I get so turned on by turning on my wife, especially when she hits the big O.
That’s been a challenge since our boy was born and my wife had 2nd degree tearing and has since had to start on antidepressants.
#47
Surprisingly morning wood.
#48
There are many of us who can work full-time, raise kids, and maintain a household perfectly fine.
#49
Not noticing beauty takes conscious work. I can not help my brain wanting to notice (not stare at, just notice) an attractive woman. I hate that my mind gravitates to that. I’d love to just work out at the gym completely, entirely focused on my workout, or just walk to the next shop in the mall with my next purchase in mind, but if an attractive woman walks past, my damn brain says, “Look real quick. Notice.” I don’t know if it has to do with a subconscious trait to look for threats that turns into interest or if the unconscious brain is constantly looking to “spread my genes,” but I wish I could just look out for threats then focus on what I’m doing.
Now that the women I hang out with are older (40s), I have had women tell me that they do notice men more, and some are even noticing women, and they can’t seem to turn it off. I tell them that’s what it’s been like for me since I first realized I liked girls.
#50
That we are less harmful than a bear.
#51
The Man cold.
#52
Some women do not ask about “what is on your mind”. I know this because I have waited for my wife to say it to use it to say something raunchy.
# We have been together for NINE years. She has asked me ZERO times “what is on your mind”.
#53
I do not express my emotions the same way as women. Don’t expect me to and don’t get mad when I behave like a man. I live in a house full of women. Just leave me alone.
#54
Men are the most romantic creatures.
We wrote the most romantic poems, books, songs, movies and anything and everything in between.
#55
We don’t think our differences mean we are “better”.
#56
I’ve been with my wife for 14 years and just last week I mentioned blue balls and she defiantly exclaimed “blue balls is a myth!”.
My guess is she learned in school that blue balls isn’t a valid reason for a guy to use as an excuse for sexual acts and she conflated that to meaning blue balls isn’t real at all.
#57
Not all men are obsessed with sports or video games. Many have diverse interests!
#58
The likelihood that we will be over 6 foot, have a good family life, can travel anywhere at the drop of a hat _and_ making 6 figure income is extremely small.
#59
Men suffer from domestic abuse at roughly an equal rate to women. They’re just much less likely to report it and / or be taken seriously when they do.
#60
That we are more privileged than them and that our lives are easier.
I’m sorry, but no. Them deciding that we have it easier when they haven’t lived a minute in our shoes doesn’t fly with me.