No one’s immune to a relationship going sour; even the strongest or longest ones might unexpectedly come to an end, but usually, not without a reason. For quite a few unlucky love birds, it’s learning a secret about their significant other that ends it all.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently shared their experiences with such unfortunate situations, after the user ‘Select_Example_794’ asked them about THE secrets they discovered that made them leave their ex. The netizens’ stories ranged from upsetting to plain shocking, so if you’re wondering what it takes to end a seemingly strong relationship, scroll down to find their answers on the list below.
#1
Her secret heart: she wanted to be a trad wife. In my 30’s I was working a good paying union job as a welder in a shipyard, a job I truly loved. I owned a home but had no other debt, our car was paid for. She worked as a sushi waitress a couple times a week and earned all of our fun money plus a little extra for her hobbies. Things were chill.
We shared our car which wasn’t a big deal since our shifts never crossed and if she ever needed the car that day she would bring to work in the morning at 5am and head back to do her day.
A few years go by and she expresses interest in going back to school. Awesome!! She’d had some public school trauma so we spent a lot of time talking it over and she decided to start with one community college art class. Low stakes, creative, aligned with her interests.
She loved it! Wonderful. She loved it so much she wanted to start full time classes. We pulled out our finances and looked things over. I could pick up overtime easily, so I’d start picking up an extra shift a couple times a month, she’d drop down to one shift at sushi.
This makes things tight, but she’s really starting to blossom. Then the next quarter rolled around and she decided she needed a car of her own in order to take the classes she wanted- sharing a car had its limits. We take the finances out again and the only way to make that happen was her earning $300 more a month to cover the new car note
or
for me to work 6 days a week, every week.
I said I would not do that. Shipyard welding is hard work.
This is when her secret was revealed: she told me with vitriol and rage “I will never work as hard as you. I will never earn as much as you. You have to take care of me that way and you need to get used to that NOW!”
It was there that I realized I didn’t have a wife who wanted a 50/50 partnership with me. She wanted me to spend my lifetime providing her with a lifestyle she herself wasn’t willing to work for.
10 years building up the that moment. 7 years of marriage shattered with that secret heart of hers.
I filed for divorce three months later and never looked back. .
Image credits: rusty_handlebars
#2
His d**g dealer called to let me know my husband had a 3K per week habit, and he owed money. Just calling to let me know they know which school bus my kid rides.
Image credits: caveamy
#3
I bragged to a friend in front of my girlfriend that my girlfriend and I had only fought once in our two years of dating. My girlfriend said the reason we never fought was because she didn’t care enough about me to fight about anything.
She also was cheating on me, but I didn’t learn that one until after the relationship ended.
Image credits: ravenssettle
#4
3 months after moving our 3 kids & us to another state, she was cheating & got pregnant. She had the child with that guy, then proceeded to cheat on him to get pregnant again, except with twins. So 6 kids in 7 years with 3 people (that I know of).
Image credits: _where_is_my_mind
#5
That he was fantasizing about places/ways my body would never be found. He said it out loud once – and that was it. We have kids together so I have to still see him but thankfully my now husband makes sure we’re never alone together.
Image credits: No_Solid_7847
#6
The guy she was cheating on me with found out about me. He found me at a bar told me about it, bought me a drink, and I immediately got on the phone and broke up with her.
I’m not going to go into super deep detail, but it was nice to have an honorable dude give me the warning instead of weeks of suspicion. I was about to get an apartment with her, and I dodged a bullet.
Image credits: detectivedueces
#7
Turns out she was essentially collecting boyfriends like they were limited edition trading cards. I was apparently the ‘Summer Edition.’ Came to light when I bumped into ‘Mr. Spring’ at a coffee shop who was just as clueless as I was. We grabbed a drink to discuss our shared season of dismay, ended up becoming friends instead. Sort of a bittersweet bonus prize.
Image credits: maria_sideris30
#8
Saw a message preview on her lockscreen of a dude heart reacting to a message from her saying
“at least you know whenever I’m with him I’m thinking of you”.
We had just come back from a holiday for our anniversary and moved in together…
Image credits: Gartholamewd
#9
I found videos he made at the beach of him zooming in on a prepubescent girl, like hours of video.
Image credits: oh_sheaintright
#10
He was married with a son. I found a box of his wedding photos and he tried to tell me he, the groom, holding the bride, was just the best man ? took the train home immediately. He was also not 21, he was 30. Guy was a b*****d.
Image credits: ConsistentAd3146
#11
The first girlfriend I had, she wanted us to run each other’s credit to make sure we were financially compatible. I said “sure.” So she signed up for her credit report, I signed up for mine. She gave me a copy of her experian report – a pdf copy, and it looked good, so it ticked off the box of “fiscally responsible.”
A few weeks later, I overheard her talking to two different collection agencies and I wondered why she would be, if her credit score was over 780. I confronted her about it, and she told me she doctored the credit report, because she liked me, and she had horrible credit. I told her I would have stayed with her if she was making an effort to clean up her financial past, but I couldn’t overlook the lying.
Image credits: Upper-Tomorrow-5963
#12
She knew we were tight on money after she moved in with me and she needed to find a job urgently. She claimed to be applying for jobs all the time. She didn’t want me looking over her resume or application letters.
Months later I discovered she never applied to any jobs out of fear for rejection.
Image credits: Th3_Accountant
#13
He could not promise 100% that we would not see [an escort] in the future in the course of a long relationship. He said: I try to be loyal, but there is no 100% guarantee. I might go to the brothel in the course of a long relationship, even though I don’t want to. I am just human and can make mistakes
Image credits: gata_triste
#14
He said that he just “settled” for me because he had no other options and i seemed to “match his standards” lol.
Image credits: Available_Tune_5796
#15
I found text messages with his sister where she was giving him advice on how to freeze or microwave my birth control without damaging the packaging.
Boy, bye.
#16
Her and I had been high school best friends and dated for a little bit before she broke up with me after we graduated. We remained friends, had conversations to reconcile, and continued to be in contact with each other for over 18 years.
We had a silly pact where we would marry each other if we were over 35 and single. Well we were both single, done with dating, obviously had chemistry and decided to say screw it and go for it slowly. We were all in, I didn’t think anything otherwise and didn’t suspect a thing. She lived about 2 hours away by plane on a direct flight so seeing each other was easy.
Well after a few months she had a manic episode and went missing so I called her parents and they hadn’t heard from her in a week, they were out of town. So they were sending her sister to check on her and calling friends. I called her work at the deli she worked at. The moment I said that this was her boyfriend her boss said “well I’m her boyfriend.” Suffice to say she’d been living a double life. He’d been giving her money for her flights to visit sick family members (me) and see my dying dad (that she said was her uncle to him). I had also helped her a couple times for flights too so she was pocketing the money. Her family and I were in contact during the whole thing so I told them what was happening and she didn’t like that because she got exposed of the fraud she is to her family.
#17
The coworker he was worried I was attracted to, I was. The difference is I never talked to him outside of work related things and shut him down immediately when he showed interest in me. A girl coworker gave my ex 1 oz of attention and he cheated and left me for her almost immediately. Later regretted it and said the grass isn’t always greener, now he’s with her because I wouldn’t move back with him and he didn’t want to be lonely.
Glad I stayed on my side of the lawn, I would never want to be the one responsible for how awful another person feels because I couldn’t stay faithful at work. A partner should never have to feel insecure about you going to your job.
#18
I found her and her sister texting about birth control. More specifically, the sister was gonna start deliberately sabotaging hers. When I asked about it, I was told it was okay, “she just trying to make sure he stays.” I left fast enough, you could see smoke. Wish I knew who the sister’s boyfriend, so I could have warned him.
Image credits: pop_tab
#19
He had an affair with my cousin.
Image credits: yukimozz
#20
He was cheating on me with the same people he went to the psych ward with. I was “being overdramatic” about it though.
Image credits: Strong_Management_16
#21
She went out with her friends one night. I had a headache and didn’t feel like going anywhere so I stayed in. She had f****d up before so we did the whole location sharing thing. This idiot still goes to this guys house and didn’t come home till 5a. Truth was, I didn’t have a headache. I had a feeling she was talking to him again so I let it happen. Happened on a Friday night and Saturday night we had a dinner planned with her parents who were in town. I figured I’d suffer through it, work on finding a new place to live immediately, and the next week just disappear. Saturday night at dinner her mom says, “let me know when you want to propose and I’ll give you my ring.” My ex nudges me and says, “yeah, when are you gunna ask huh!?” I laughed so hard during the interaction, knowing she was with someone else less than 24 hours earlier. Sunday morning she starts going in on me about the dishes as I’m doing them. I finally got so fed up I just laughed and said, “so where were you Friday night?” She turned white.
Image credits: sumyungdood
#22
He remained active on dating apps since the day we started dating. We were together for 3 years.
Image credits: Strange-Clerk5111
#23
My friend told me that my boyfriend at the time has an STD. When I asked him he lied at first, then came clean. Dumped his a*s immediately, got tested positive for gonorrhoea. Cured now, anybody wants to go out?
Image credits: CutelilVal
#24
Her dad never really died.
To be fair it was a garbage relationship and she was pretty abusive and would constantly lie and gaslight me. It’s weird I knew all this but would just brush it aside and make excuses. This one was the final lie that made me realize I needed to run.
Early in our relationship she told me her dad was quite sick, I supported her through it but it seemed he was getting worse and worse. She said he had brain cancer. After a couple months he passed away. Having never lost a parent I was horrified for her and did everything to be there for her. After the funeral (which she refused to let me go to) she came back to my place in full funeral gear with a veil and gloves and mascara running down her eyes. I comforted her while she talked about the shock of burying her dad. Over the next few months we grew very close as I helped her work through the grief.
A year and a bit later the relationship is horrendously toxic, she’s cheated on me, hit me, gaslit me and isolated me from my family. I was living in a trance where I kind of just accepted this as my reality cause every time we’d have a “break” she would plead her case and I’d take her back. I was sitting in a random uni lecture when I see I got a Facebook message request, I click on it and my heart drops as I see it’s from her dad, He’s messaged me “what are you doing with my daughter”. I stalk the profile, at first thinking it’s fake, but then realize it’s real. I assume it must be someone’s hacked into her dead dads Facebook, after all he’s dead she went to the funeral. As I start piecing it together I begin to realize maybe he never died.
I leave the class and call her and say “your dad just messaged me on Fb wtf is going on” and she basically admitted he never died she made the whole thing up for whatever b******t reason. I felt the light finally go on and realized I needed to be a million miles away from this girl, there’s no excuse she could make that would in any way justify what she did. I broke up with her for the final time right after.
I’ve recovered now and come to terms with the awfulness of that relationship thankfully. Now whenever im hanging with friends and someone mentions a crazy ex story I can feel all their heads turn to me lol.
#25
His addiction to cam girl sites. I found out via the insane credit card bill that he could no longer hide, as the CC was through his bank and he’d maxed out his already insane credit limit and the bank had started taking 80% of his deposited paycheques to pay it down. The CC bill was over $150K when I discovered it and he could no longer pay his share of household bills due to the bank garnishing his cheque to pay down the balance.
How Tf do you rack up $150K on cam girl sites- in secret no less?? Like where was he even watching and interacting with those sites? In the bathroom at work or something? We were literally together every waking minute outside of work. We were together 9 1/2 years at that point. Smart man tanked his relationship and credit all in one go.
Image credits: owlsandmoths
#26
We were engaged , he had been acting weird so I went through his phone and found he had been discording women and telling them how horrible I am and how wonderful he is.
Image credits: Apart-Alternative-42
#27
Not sure when it started but: “On weekends I’m watching and caring for my old and delicate grandpa who has dementia” NOPE, was back with her cheating ex to “try again” LOL. Trash goes outside!
Image credits: BEARDEDBAKER85
#28
I wanted to surprise her by picking her up from work and taking her out. Imagine how surprised I was when she ran out of work and jumped in the car of my best friend.
#29
Had a years long addiction problem that when I discovered it he told me he wasn’t going to stop and that I was the crazy person for having a problem with it. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive and I was terrified of his and his moods. Took a long time to get away from him but I did and now he’s clean and a good dad to our son so I try not to Harbour too much anger or resentment toward him. Lessons have been learnt!
Image credits: flipflopsandwich
#30
My ex had been through a lot of s**t in per past. Her family was abusive, her previous partners also very awful people.
She started struggling with her mental health, but we were working through it.
One evening we went out to an event and there was an inconvenience. Nothing big, just a confluence of events that caused us a setback. Life happens.
Over the course of a half hour she spun it, entirely fictiously, into a huge targetted conspiracy meant to ruin her night. Literally she was talking about how the patriarchy was trying to silence her voice so she couldn’t shine light on their activities, etc. etc. etc.
I was there. It had nothing to do with us or her. It was just a random event that sucked. We were only tangentially affected. But she made herself the center of events, and a victim.
And it made me start thinking about all the stories she told me, where everyone around her was evil and she was being attacked. Did her dad really tear her door down and yell at her? Did her ex really steal all her money and kick her out?
Maybe. Maybe not. I’d watched her spin reality into a much worse, fake story, that she totally believed.
I couldn’t trust her anymore.
#31
After 7 years of cheating, minimal effort, abuse, and [self-harm] threats every time we fought I came home from working a 16 hour shift on my birthday (I was paying all the bills while his money went to weed and video games) I came home and he wouldn’t talk to me and told he me he tried to h*ng himself and wrote his note on the back of printed out pages from court of my parents neglect and abuse and forced me to reread it in front of him while screaming at me that it was my fault because I was gone all day and he forgot it was my birthday and didn’t get me anything again which was again somehow my fault. Left that night moved back into my grandmas and he had another girl moved in a week later. Oh we were also supposed to get married a month after I left ? from what I’ve heard he’s now gotten himself into major therapy and is doing a lot better and I met the love of my life and have been married for three years to a man who worships me.
Image credits: Final_Friendship_377
#32
My ex-husband was having his 4th affair (that I know of) and told my then-13-year-old-daughter. He told her if she told me or anyone else he’d never speak to her again. After suffering in silence for 2 weeks, she finally told me after a trip to the ER to cure her migraine that was brought on by stress.
#33
His side piece to which he got engaged to. He forgot to tell me even after they were engaged and I had the absolute pleasure of finding out from her.
#34
Her age.
It was college. I was 24, she said she was 26 (we weren’t dating at the time). We started dating and there were a couple of weird things that happened that were clues I ignored:
1. Her senior pictures looked pretty out dated 90s vibe.
2. She never let me see her ID.
Eventually, I googled her out of curiosity. Turns out she was 31. While the age wasn’t necessarily an inherent problem, lying about it certainly was.
#35
He would steal from me. The final straw was my wallet and then the replacement I bought.
Image credits: Jaded-Judgment-6863
#36
She was talking to a guy in another state. Decided she liked him better, he was coming to see her and thats when I found out about him. She basically told me he wasnt going to be happy to see me around and to go away. Well the joke was on her because he came to tell her he found someone at home and was breaking up with her. After he left she decides to come crawling back to me and as much as I wanted to get back with her I just couldnt trust her.
#37
He was cheating on me with other men. We were a straight cis couple. I found out he had sissy fantasies, as well as submitting to strong men. He could just confess to me and we could have worked something out, instead of cheating on me on the side and leaving me frustrated and miserable.
Image credits: -Rose-From-Riviera-
#38
We would have weekly lunch dates on Wednesdays at the same restaurant. It was his favorite place he said. He was only available Wednesday at noon he said.
Well, I had my phone stolen from work one Wednesday and decided to go wait at our spot for him anyways. I was chatting with a waitress who I hadn’t seen there before and eventually asked to barrow her phone to call my bf and let him know my phone got stolen but I was waiting there for him.
Typed in his number and his contact came up with a photo of him and his dog in his bed, no clothes. And we both said “how do you know my boyfriend?”
She usually has Wednesdays off and was just covering a shift that day. They have weekly Wednesday dinner dates.
#39
A starbucks cup with her male coworkers name after a “girls weekend”.
Image credits: wdrub
#40
He always claimed to be the funny one in the relationship, made it part of his personality. For background, he cheated on me, but that’s not the secret. Honestly, I was probably going to forgive him if it weren’t for this. Afterwards I found his secret twitter account where he followed all the girls he told me not to worry about and all his tweets were my jokes and clever observations that HE NEVER LAUGHED AT! And now he’s using my comedy to seem funny and cool to other girls.
#41
She was engaged to someone else.
Twice in a row, two separate GFs, I might add.
Bartending ruined my ability to trust. My wife cured it.
#42
A woman I used to be friends with made threats of cutting me open to take my baby. She also said she was dating my boyfriend. She said my boyfriend/baby daddy (now my ex of course) was going to hold me down while she cut the baby out of me, and that they would raise my baby together. I confronted boyfriend, he adamantly denied it, said she was just crazy and obsessed with him. She did have very severe psychiatric issues and outrageous threats and claims like that weren’t entirely out of the ordinary for her.
But it turned out he was actually in on it the entire time. I ended up finding the messages between the both of them about it. I also found out he had been poisoning me each time he got me pregnant. Our daughter is the only living child I have out of six pregnancies I had with him. I found all that out, then even some more bad info, so I cut him out of our lives completely and never ever looked back.
#43
In his 35 years of existence he never brushed his teeth. Found out about a month after he started living with me.
Image credits: coffeeneedin
#44
She didn’t pay the rent. Got upset with her and asked her if she could pay it. (I’d already paid my portion to her to send to the landlord). She said she did. Few days letter I get a message from the landlord asking for the rest. She still hadn’t paid it all. Finally I spoke to the landlord myself and took some money out of my savings to pay the rent. Found out after I got the number amount from the landlord and doing the math that she hadn’t only not paid the rent and lied, then just paid a part of it and lied, but she also pocked $50 of the rent money I had paid that she was meant to send to the landlord. I’d already had one foot out the door of the relationship by then but this is what made me actively start looking for other places to live.
#45
She told me that the guy that was often at her apartment when I came to visit was her younger brother. He wasn’t.
#46
She was a HS teacher.
She liked one of her students a BIT TOO much.
#47
After two years he yelled and me that he didn’t like or respect my dad, not because he did anything wrong, but because he’s native. I guess my mom being white meant I was “passing enough” for him. Dude was an abusive POS to me constantly but when he said that it just broke something in me. He actually thought I was joking when I packed my stuff and left to my parents.
#48
Received an email while I was in Afghanistan from her best friend. It was eye opening, to say the least.
Among the items mentioned, was an incident where a guy had slept over, and our 2 year old walked in the next morning, and said, “Daddy! You’re home early!”
That one hurt.
#49
Well. It was our fifth wedding anniversary and he left his phone downstairs. He says now that he knew, and that’s why he ran down once he realized that he left it. But he had had videos of my closet- my designer bags and luxury items- video taped by him. That night, he left and 2 $100 bills were missing and a Prada bag I’ve never seen again. He had a Snapchat story up. And was gone for only about an hour and a half because I waited up after nursing our newborn. I was done. Seeing his hand, go through my clothes, my stuff… showing a stranger… it was so violating and invasive. I was so grossed out.
Image credits: funpartofdysfunction
#50
Caught them using my Netflix account to watch shows with their new partner.
#51
Well I got love bombed and then discarded, but I found out later that he dated 3 of us at the same time and I was the one that “stuck”.
Made me feel more special.
#52
It’s interesting how certain moments can be so revealing. For me, the turning point was realizing that I was constantly compromising my own happiness and values to keep the peace in the relationship. I discovered my tendency to suppress my needs and desires, thinking it was easier than addressing issues head-on.
The secret wasn’t just one thing, but rather an accumulation of little moments where I found myself feeling unappreciated and neglected. When I finally acknowledged that my needs mattered too, it became clear that I deserved more than a relationship that felt one-sided. Leaving my ex was scary at first, but it opened the door to finding a sense of self-worth and happiness I hadn’t felt in a long time. It taught me the importance of healthy boundaries and being true to myself.
Has anyone else had a similar realization that pushed them to make a big change?
#53
She worked at one of the stores I had merchandised for years. My relationship ended so a few months later I approached this girl and gave her my number. She texted enthusiastically but said she had just gotten out of a relationship so wouldn’t wanna rush into anything. So I was like hey me too! We got along really well. Hung out every day. For 9 months. Then over the phone one night when I was on vacation, she teased me when she heard me say to my mom that I was talking to a friend. She’s like “a friend, eh?” I said let’s talk about that when I get home. It’d been 9 months, so I’m like okay, it’s safe to say we’re “together” now. She got quiet and stopped texting me. I was so confused. No explanation. So I made a Facebook and looked her up.
She never broke up with the boyfriend. Essentially cheated on both of us for 9 months. That was fun! I messaged the guy and told him to call me. When I told him, first thing he said was “it’s not the first time she’s done this.” Then he said, “she told me you guys hooked up once a couple months ago?” I was like uhhh no, we’ve hooked up nearly every day, sometimes twice a day, for the past 9 months. They’re still together. Just had a kid.
#54
~9-10 years in she revealed she thought I would eventually change my mind about wanting kids.