Reaching out for help is hard. It can be difficult to even admit to yourself that you’re struggling, let alone be honest with another person about what you’re going through. But the reality is that half of us will experience a mental health disorder at some point in our lives, and there’s absolutely no need to suffer in silence.
To make sure we’re looking out for one another, Redditors have recently been sharing subtle signs of mental health struggles that often go unnoticed. Below, you’ll find some eye-opening replies that might remind you to check in with your loved ones, as well as a conversation with registered psychotherapist and life coach Krista Roesler from Psych Company!
#1
As Robin Williams once said:
I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.
Image credits: sunbeamshadow
#2
They don’t have the same excitement about things they used to really enjoy.
Image credits: llcucf80
#3
During my worst depressive relapses, I would constantly ask how people were doing. If someone you know is constantly asking everyone how they’re doing/if they’re okay with little to no reason to why they ask, please ask it back. I was on the verge of s*icide many times in the past and all I could ever do was reach out, ask if someone was okay, and that I love them. I was never asked it back. It’s a miracle that I’m still here.
Image credits: Lunanymous
To gain more insight into this topic, we reached out to registered psychotherapist and life coach Krista Roesler from Psych Company. Krista was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss some of the behaviors that might be subtle signs of mental health issues.
“Common signs of mental health struggles that people might not be aware of or know to look for include changes in behavior, personality, or emotional expression,” the expert shared. “For instance, someone who used to openly share their feelings might become more quiet and distant, while someone who was previously very excitable may become unusually calm. Similarly, a person who was kind and caring might start acting unkind, and someone who seemed sad might appear outwardly content.”
#4
Messy/dirty house. Not all people with messy houses are mentally ill, but if the state of a friend’s house is continuously deteriorating and /or simple tasks (like throwing away cans) are left undone, it’s a big sign. Sometimes someone who is struggling will clean the fridge and wash clothes but be unable to throw away mail, or pick up trash. It’s hard to explain.
Image credits: VitaminR1000mg
#5
At least in men, social withdrawal is often the first and largest symptom of depression. We can put up a really good facade, but if you notice one of the boys not showing up to social functions as much, and no one is hearing from him, check in on him for f***s sake.
Image credits: robertsij
#6
Stock answers on how they are doing.
Image credits: Competitive_Map9430
“Other signs include emotional distancing from people and activities they once enjoyed, leading to increased isolation from others and a loss of interest in hobbies or work,” Krista continued. “They might also experience physical symptoms such as headaches, body aches, or upset stomachs.”
“Changes in sleeping patterns are another important indicator. Look for signs such as sleeping too much, too little, experiencing insomnia, or persistent fatigue,” the expert says. “Additionally, certain risk factors can signal underlying issues, including financial problems, legal troubles, trauma, chronic pain, health issues, relationship problems, or substance abuse.”
#7
When someone has struggled and things suddenly seem better overnight, despite there being no known reason for the change.
So you stop worrying about them. They’re better now.
You don’t realize that it’s because they made a plan.
You don’t realize that until it’s too late.
Image credits: Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
#8
Common disassociation, just seeing someone disconnect from reality white sitting at a bench or in a friend group just breaks my heart.
Image credits: PerspectivePublic546
#9
Hygiene is a huge one, noticing they only ever have their hair up, or rumpled clothing, if they normally wear makeup and suddenly stop for no reason. People normally notice when it gets to not showering but it can be in small ways.
Image credits: Beans_0492
Krista noted that some other concerning signs to be aware of are: “expressing feelings of guilt, shame, or hopelessness; neglecting personal hygiene and abandoning healthy habits, such as a balanced diet and regular exercise; being less attentive to medication schedules and failing to manage chronic health conditions, like diabetes; showing indifference toward declining performance at work or school; increasingly avoiding social situations without a clear reason; heightened use of alcohol or worsening drug abuse; engaging in reckless behaviors, such as unsafe driving; and making unusual purchases, like items that could be used for self-harm, which aren’t typically needed.”
#10
Someone who is always stressed out, on edge, and irritable is suddently calm, nonchalant, and doesn’t care about c**p anymore.
Check on this person. Maybe they got a girlfriend/boyfriend or a big promotion or finished a huge project. But also – maybe they’ve given up and have an *exit plan* in place now.
Image credits: Saldar1234
#11
You haven’t heard from them in six months. But your ego says that you shouldn’t contact them because they didn’t contact you.
Image credits: Shh-poster
#12
Thoughtlessness, when I was in a deeeep depression and a few other smaller episodes I am under such a black cloud and demented headspace that I’ll forget birthdays, plans, leaving things out, things like that.
Image credits: Beans_0492
We also asked Krista what we should do if we notice any of these concerning behaviors in loved ones. “If you’re concerned someone might be suicidal, start by expressing your worry gently and directly, such as saying, ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling a lot lately, and I’m really worried about you,'” she told Bored Panda. “Create a safe space for them to share their feelings without judgment, and encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional.”
#13
Giving things away.
Especially important and meaningful pieces.
Image credits: struggling_baddie
#14
A sudden change in weight, both losing or gaining some.
Image credits: Delicious-Plane8361
#15
Keeping conversations very surface-level.
Constantly redirecting the conversation to be about the other person/people to keep from talking about themselves.
Answering questions with very basic answers and immediately redirecting away to something else.
I guess the silver lining here is that we aren’t alone in feeling this way. I hope each of you start to find things that make you happy and can climb out of whatever hole you find yourself in. And I hope I can, too. We can do this.
Image credits: BobbyLee_Swagger
“If necessary, ask directly if they’re thinking about suicide—it’s important to discuss these thoughts openly. Offer practical support, like helping them find resources or accompanying them to appointments,” the expert continued. “Develop a safety plan together, remove means for self-harm if possible, and maintain regular contact to combat isolation. If there’s immediate risk, contact emergency services right away. Lastly, educate yourself about mental health to better support them and ensure they get the professional help they need.”
#16
Somebody who’s always tired. Especially for high functioning depressives, their home and workspace can be neat and tidy, their bills are paid on time and they are cordial when socializing. But they will always say they are tired. Depression exhaustion runs deep.
#17
Whenever you ask them how they’re doing, the answer is *always* ‘ok’ or ‘I’m fine, just a bit tired.”
Everyone has sh**tier days. Everyone will rant once in a while. But not when depressed.
You don’t want to be even more of a burden than you feel you already are. You don’t want to admit to yourself or to others or to both that you are actually struggling with everyday things. You don’t want to always be complaining. You don’t want to look like a failure. You don’t believe the question is asked in earnest; why should anyone care anyway? Or you simply feel nothing, but that’s not exactly an acceptable answer now, is it.
So ‘ok’ it is.
#18
Everything takes forever. I take hours to reply to texts, hours to get out of bed, hours to go to the store.
As for why it’s so important to be on the lookout for these behaviors, Krista says it’s sometimes the people you least expect who are struggling the most. “There have been cases where someone you would never suspect was struggling with mental health issues has wanted to end their life,” she noted. “People can often disguise their mental health struggles very well. Highly successful and educated individuals often show reluctance to seek mental health help.”
#19
When, without major shifts in their life, they suddenly become too busy to do things they used to attend to regularly. Such as hobbies or social appointments.
I went through a stretch of severe depression in my early twenties and did this constantly. When people asked why I wasn’t around as much, I’d just tell them I was busy. What I was busy doing was wallowing around in my apartment being absolutely miserable. An ex of mine actually caught it and convinced me to try a therapist which wound up being my first step climbing out of that hole, and it took several years.
More than a decade later I noticed a similar behavioral trend happen with one of my colleagues. Great guy, kind of the office clown. Always used to be very engaged with people and was a fixture at happy hours and other things we’d all get together and do. Until he suddenly wasn’t. I tried not to press but eventually did. He broke down and told me he’d been diagnosed with cancer and didn’t want people to know.
This stuff is difficult. We’re all conditioned to hide our hurt. And people can be really good at it.
#20
Joking masks pain.
Wetness_Protection:
Joking is such a strong indication and I know because I do it. I struggle with a lot of childhood trauma and have very little understanding of how to form meaningful relationships as a result. Whenever I’m in social settings I constantly joke around. Silly puns, crude humor, whatever I can do to get a laugh. It keeps us from being vulnerable with others while seeming ok on the surface. But I have to fight the impulse to make a bad joke or do something silly when my wife goes in for a hug. I’ve started noticing just how bad it is lately but it’s so hard to stop once that becomes your mask.
Image credits: Hmarf
#21
In a social encounter where all others are sharing their troubles, they stay silent and distant. They never mention anything wrong and when asked directly they play their answers into a corner. Sure, it may just be them doing ok, but it also could be not seeing their problems as worth the attention of others, a common depression situation.
Image credits: WouldUKindlyDMBoobs
“People often hide their mental health struggles because they don’t want to burden others or feel that masking their issues has become normal. This tendency to hide feelings can make it difficult for them to share what’s really going on,” the psychotherapist says.
“There’s a common myth that if someone appears beautiful, popular, or successful, they must be happy, but that’s not always true. Many people who seem successful or outwardly happy, like Matthew Perry, Kate Spade, and Robin Williams, may actually be struggling with deep issues. The stigma around depression and seeking mental health help often leads individuals to keep their struggles and suicidal thoughts to themselves.”
#22
Living or work environment is in chaos or disarray. No one likes to hear or talk about this but . . . yeah.
Image credits: steamyhotpotatoes
#23
Become very obsessive about one singular, reliable source of joy.
#24
If the friend/family member /coworker that keeps ties with everyone and checks up on everyone consistently just stops or starts doing it less. People usually assume this person is always doing great as they are often the cheerful one and the one others come to when they’re down. Problem is, when it comes time for them to deal with things, they don’t want to inconvenience anyone so they keep quiet. Then, when they start not reaching out as often, or stop, it results in them worrying that no one cares, or that they’re just forgotten about, putting them further into a dark place.
A simple check in on someone you haven’t heard from in a while goes way further and can be more impactful thank you think.
Image credits: Tazx14
“When clients describe their lives as perfect or their childhood as ideal, it often signals that they may have a pattern of suppressing their true feelings and avoiding discussing their challenges and traumas,” Krista noted.
“Holding in these emotions can create a heavy burden. Sharing feelings and not facing challenges alone can greatly help in managing them better and facilitate healing. Those who end their lives often see it as a solution to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness,” she explained. “This usually stems from a lack of support and unhealthy coping mechanisms, underscoring the importance of reaching out for help and finding healthier ways to address life’s difficulties.”
#25
I struggle with major depression. I can answer this for myself, but as always, this won’t appear in everyone.
1. I use humor a lot. Like every conversation. It’s a quick shot of dopamine to make people laugh and it avoids talking about myself. Kills two birds with one stone. My therapist said one time after not seeing him for six months “I see you are still using humor as a way to not feel your emotions.” Haha. F**k you.
2. I am purposely vague on what I’ve been doing. Like “oh I’ve been working and hanging with the kids.” Or “nothing much just the same old s**t.” This can be easily interpreted as “I’ve been holed up in my room not showering, maybe crying, convincing myself that everyone hates me.”
3. Random outbursts of negativity. Sometimes veiled as jokes. I recently blurted out to my sister while driving “nobody has any empathy anymore!” At a driver. It made people laugh.
3. I constantly make excuses on why I can’t go somewhere. It’s usually because I’m tired, or busy with the kids, but in reality I’m avoiding having to give an update on my (distorted view) s****y little life while everyone talks how amazing everything is.
There are others but these were the first I could think of.
Edit: If anyone feels the same as this feel free to send me a message. I’ve learned that getting through it with someone can be extremely helpful. (Males preferably. I need more guy friends.).
#26
They stop responding to group texts because they can’t handle social interaction.
#27
They do not make or talk about plans in the future. They tell you to do things and encourage your future but they never talk about theirs. Often the first signs of someone being s*icidal.
“When you’re in a wealthy, healthy country with a successful career and supportive family but still feel depressed, the solutions can seem less straightforward and there may appear to be fewer options for improvement,” Krista shared. “In contrast, someone who is poor and facing significant stress might still hold onto hope that their situation can improve, as they see their struggles as more directly changeable. The contrast lies in how each person perceives their ability to change their circumstances and find hope for a better future.”
#28
They’re mostly by themselves even at social gatherings.
#29
Look for the guy that is constantly doing things for other people. This guy is super nice. He goes out of his way to make others happy. He is a good listener. He gives really good advice. He picks others up when they are down.
And that guy…… that guy right there…… is really….. really….. struggling.
#30
Speaking from my own personal experience:
– decline in work ethic
– poor hygiene/cleanliness
– irritable
– if you have a roommate: hiding in their room
– bad acne
– sleeping a lot
– poor communication
– more negative than usual
– lack of interest in their favorite things/hobbies.
#31
Anxious, being binary, impulsive, and controlling in making decisions. A telltale sign of somebody who is losing control is how you can see them try very hard to keep everything around them under control.
#32
Constant anger.
YetAnotherDev:
Typical, yet often unknown, symptome for depression in men.
Image credits: ccminiwarhammer
#33
Replaying the same video games or binge watching the same tv shows.
#34
I’ve noticed that when friends change their social media habits such as posting stories consistently that something is going on in their life and I ask if all is ok.
#35
When my girlfriend is stressed or uncomfortable with a situation (such as someone’s kind gesture towards her), she over compensates by being overly generous back.
It’s both cute and saddening. It’s cute that such a small thing (such as walking her out to her car when she’s leaving my apartment to ensure she’s safe in the parking lot at night) means so much to her that she feels like she has to do something big and generous in return. But it’s also extremely sad that she’s been traumatized so much in her life that she doesn’t think she’s worth the 2 minutes it takes to walk her to her car.
It’s also hard getting her to ask for things, but I am getting better at knowing what she wants and getting it for her. It’s gonna take time, but she’s getting better now.
And she’s also helped me tremendously with my mental health and I am extremely grateful to have her.
#36
It’s when suddenly they are very unbothered. It happens when people give up because they literally can’t care about anything anymore or nothing they do pay off. That person may commit soon.
#37
When someone consistently overextends themselves to help others. It’s something I still struggle with all the time. I feel like I lack agency and the tools needed to make a healthy and long-term-viable change to my own life, so I help other people around me with their issues until I get overwhelmed and start sacrificing my own needs to make sure that the people I’m helping have their own needs met. If you have any friends that do this, especially if they have autism like myself, please make sure to help them from time to time with their own struggles, I’ve met a few grand people in my time that were always willing to help anyone but themselves and it’s partially because of that fact that they aren’t here with us anymore. Being the one who gives help but never receives it makes one feel bitter, depressed, and alone.
#38
They get defensive when you simply ask if they’re alright or try to pry in on any behaviors you may have noticed.
#39
Fake smiles…. I’m good at it.
#40
When they have an excuse every time you try to see them! I think that’s often because they have no motivation to get ready and socialise. So check on your friends that always seem to have an excuse!!!
#41
Being the first one in and the last one to leave can be a sign. Not always, but I used to work ungodly hours when my home life was bad. My mother was in an abusive relationship and nearly lived at her job.
#42
Having trouble getting out of bed, having low energy. Many people are quick to call it lazy but really we are struggling to have any energy to just wake up and exist in a world where life hasn’t been kind.
#43
When they don’t interact “correctly” using idle chitchat.
What I mean is that if you ask “How you doing,” “How was your weekend,” etc. would have at worst a stock answer. If they pause to think about it, they’re likely *not* ok, regardless of their eventual answer.
#44
One that I think I missed was a buddy of mine that was a part of the same sport group showed up in person to one of our games to say that he was busy and wasn’t going to be around for most of the season. I felt it was strange because who comes in person to announce their absence?
The week or so later he went missing in the woods and they found his body 3 days later. I don’t know if it was an accident or s*icide and I don’t want to reveal too many details of it, but if your gut says something’s off, then go with your gut.
#45
Irritability. It’s everything other then you but it’s hard to see that when someone is treating you negativley. Its overlooked as a symptom of other issues. Including depression, cptsd, and stress response.
#46
They are exceptionally chipper and upbeat, just so they keep everyone around them happy and don’t get left behind as an inconvenience.
They will also always ask how are you doing, in hope you will ask them the same in return.
#47
Sudden change in that persons typical behaviour either erratic or subtle. Zones out most of the time. My main giveaway is that sudden drop in emotions while being out with others.
#48
My go to reply to “How are you?” is “Could be better, could be worse.” Although, I’m not sure how this is perceived.
#49
Needing constant distractions, not wanting to go to dinners but going to the movies is fine.
#50
Its weird. I had a friend simply post, “Anyone know anything about handguns? Looking to get one for self protection.” He lived in a metro so no flags went off. He shot himself in the heart.
I had another friend who was the kindest, funniest most happy-go-lucky person you could imagine. He would reach out to you when things felt off about your post and provide you access to support. He couldn’t defeat his own darkness though, and took his own life.
#51
They are kinder to others way more than to themselves. Most of them don’t want others to be as badly hurt as themselves and people don’t realize this as often as they should.
#52
Being easy going but not energized or enthusiastic. More of a “going through the motions” and “not making a fuss” vs excited to participate and active in the discussion or activity – an observer vs a participant.
See someone like this, take a moment to check in and have a real conversation.
#53
Reaching out to people unexpectedly.
#54
They stay indoors more often than usual.
#55
Personally- I tend to grow a beard and get unkempt hair when I feel in turmoil- my coworkers tend to just joke that I’m looking scruffy- but in my head I’m just like “teehee yea thanks, I feel like I’m dying”.
#56
I can only tell you that the big “red flag” to other people in my life has been discussing awful things with perfect equanimity. Like “how‘s you week been?” And I replied with “oh yeah fine, I got hit by a semi trailer a couple of days ago, but it was alright, I set the bones ok myself and there wasn’t any legal issues. Car’s crushed though, so there that. But what’s insurance for right?”
I have literally said that. I thought I was ok. Same as “well you know you think he raped me but I don’t care, so no harm right?”
No. Not right. You may have brushed this off perfectly fine, but that’s just you. There may be other bits that disagree. Deny them, and you’re ALL in a world of s**t. Acknowledge it. All of it.
#57
Super super happy and excited about really normal stuff.
They are over faking happy and have lost sight of reality. Because they are depressed.
#58
Casual drinking. Society has a way of dismissing alcohol use, but if you drink all the time, you have a problem.
#59
The dead gaze.
#60
People who talk about themselves a lot.
I actually see this as a sign of loneliness – a sign of someone who just wants to be seen and heard and their humanity to be validated. Not narcissism.
#61
The isolation. They lose perspective and begin to think people don’t reach out bc they don’t care or they are not worthy. In reality, they can just as easily reach out to friends when they need one.
Add in the lack of interest in hobbies, etc. and low confidence and it becomes a mental battle that you feel you are losing everyday.
#62
Unkindness. I don’t think the majority of people would choose to be unkind if they themselves were in a good place.