54 People Reveal Why Their Longest Relationships Failed

Keeping your romantic relationship strong and healthy requires a lot of work. If you don’t put in the effort, consistently, you might end up losing your partner. But even then, a break-up can come as a shock after so many years spent together.
Inspired by a candid question from user u/photo_inbloom, the members of the r/AskReddit community opened up about the reasons why their longest-lasting relationships fell apart. Scroll down for their open and honest stories about why couples don’t always get their happily ever after.

#1

20 years, she cheated and we got divorced and life’s been good for me since. Met a new love and life truly is grand.

Image credits: Inkspotten

#2

7 years! She said she needed a time for herself. A month later she was already living with another man.

Image credits: Sobeksdream

#3

3 years. He passed away from cancer. We technically never broke up but it’s hard being in a relationship with someone who’s gone. I will always love him though and carry him with me even though our time together was short. Had things been different we would be life partners .

Image credits: ShadowStarDragon

Brides magazine notes that based on data collected in 2022, the average American man who gets married is 30.1 years old, while women are around 28.2 years old. This is a very different cultural and social dynamic compared to half a century ago. In 1970, the typical man got married when they were 23.2 years old. For women, it was 20.8 years of age.

“Many couples are both working and building their careers and are choosing to postpone weddings due to the time and effort involved,” marriage and family therapist Rebecca Hendrix, from New York, told Brides.

#4

On and off for ten years. I started to feel like he was not on my team but was just cheering me on. Never came to look at houses with me before I bought one for us to live in, never had an interest in vacations, didn’t have a savings account, didn’t pay his bills. Loved him, trusted him, had the most fun in his presence but ultimately I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be the only adult. It was hard.

Image credits: RanchDubois_

#5

4 years. He ghosted me then came back around a year or so later saying he had ghosted because he had lost his job & felt bad.

Image credits: Peanut2ur_Tostito

#6

5 years. Apparently he had issues with me he didn’t want to discuss or work on. Im still trying to get past the anger of it all.

Image credits: Sweet_rose1x

These days, couples generally date for two to five years before popping the big question and getting engaged. Then, it takes around a year to a year and a half before they actually get married.

According to Hendrix, as well as a Pew Research study, most couples who live together do so with the intent to get married. For them, cohabitation is a big step toward tying the knot. Meanwhile, some couples have lived together for so long that they consider themselves unofficially married. For them, having a wedding often happens only if they decide to have kids.

#7

3 years she played videogames w her ex and texted everyday.

Image credits: LokiGeesus

#8

9 months. He was stringing me along and didn’t have the guts to tell me his feelings had changed and that he didn’t want to be with me because it would upset me.

Image credits: perfectgirlfriendOX

#9

3 years. That was 3 years ago I broke up with my ex. I was definitely immature. Took the relationship for granted. Got too used to the comfort and barely tried. Now I know how important it is to keep trying and showing affection. I know its a two way street but I think its mainly a me thing. I could have done more.

Image credits: thenumber88

Meanwhile, Marriage.com notes that the average length of a relationship before marriage in the US depends on a person’s age, cultural background, as well as individual preferences.

How long any romantic relationship will last will depend on the couple’s ability to communicate with each other, how much mutual trust and respect there is, how they resolve conflicts, and whether they have values in common. To put it simply, honesty, openness, and respect give couples a better chance than secrecy and selfishness.

#10

Almost 5 years. Broke up with her last week due to her not addressing alcoholism and my codependent habits. We live together and are both walking on eggshells while we separately plan next steps.

Image credits: Brian_Lefevre2K24

#11

3 years. We had just celebrated our anniversary and she decided to break up over a discord message because I wouldn’t move in with her. I was sick for most of our relationship and just started to get well enough to work again.

Image credits: SteroidSandwich

#12

Four and some years. I wasn’t a very good boyfriend – communcation and all. She eventually just fell out of love. I miss her with all my heart, but she’s better off without me. I hear she’s doing very well, and well, my mental health has never recovered. Basically ruined myself. But I know how to be better… now.

Image credits: 50mHz

According to Love to Know, teenagers typically only date for a few months, as they’re still finding themselves, but young adults in their 20s get into relationships that last two to four years.

Generally, the more support couples get from their social networks, the more likely their relationships are to prosper and last longer.

But broadly speaking, the length of a relationship also has to do with a person’s character, circumstances, and goals, not just their age. We probably all know couples who are still going strong after getting together still in school, as well as older individuals who hop from relationship to relationship without ever truly settling down.

#13

High school sweethearts, we broke up 1 month before 10 year anniversary.

We grew apart, our connection was disguised as love, but it was the type of love you have for a family member. It wasn’t romantic anymore, and we were holding each other back from growing into who we both were supposed to be.

Met my now husband very soon after, and ex is engaged to the girl I assume he was emotionally cheating on me with, as I suspected their connection for a while.

Honestly, it worked out amazing for both of us, like instantly life changing in the best way.

Never ever stay in a dead relationship, you are missing out on the beauty of love.

Image credits: Ch3wbacca1

#14

Before my husband, it was 6 years. We brought out the literal worst version of each other, and were in an off and on again cycle. Best to find people who uplift each other and are stable.

Image credits: RecordCompetitive758

#15

16 years. Covid isolation and a major uptick in mental illness ( theirs, not mine) caused the break up. I moved away in September 2020 to Kansas City, started over and met my current wife and the love of my life almost exactly a year later.

Image credits: androoq

Out of all of your failed relationships, which ones lasted the longest, dear Pandas? Why did they fall apart? Do you think there was anything that could’ve helped salvage everything?

On the flip side, if you’re still with your partner and everything’s going strong, what do you do to keep the relationship healthy? What advice would you give new couples who are completely new to dating? Share your thoughts in the comments.

#16

12 years. Recently broke up and I’m so glad I finally got the courage to stick to my guns and end it. It has really put me off dating though. He was horribly abusive and really aggressive and rough in the bedroom. Got worse as time went on. It’s either me and my cats like a complete stereotype or an asexual guy if I can find one. I have my little apartment and a decent job and am enjoying life for the first time in quite a while.

#17

About three years and we broke up because although I cared for her, I didn’t want to marry her.

You didn’t ask but I hope she found a good guy and is married, treated well and with the love she was looking for.

Image credits: Greatapegrape88

#18

Just under 25 years.

I “broke up” with her because she cheated so I divorced her and quickly too.

Image credits: No_Roof_1910

#19

11 years (I was 18 when I got with him). All sorts of stuff to do with emotional abuse, manipulation, uncontrollable ego etc. Its a fresh break up so I’m still processing. But my eyes have opened to a lot of things and I am SO glad I am free.

Image credits: Charming_Princes

#20

23 years. I came home to find a note on my desk that said “we need to talk”

She asked for a divorce. There was no cheating on either part. I had shut down, and she was tired of living with a ghost.

Within a few months, I was in a new town, living on my own for the first time in my life. Still trying to figure out how to start over, or wondering if it’s even worth trying to start over.

Image credits: thedevilyoukn0w

#21

10 years. When we met, we were both kind of a mess, but over that 10 years, I did a lot of work on myself and made a lot of progress towards being the sort of person I’d like to be. He spent the 10 years doing absolutely nothing. So we were no longer compatible.

Image credits: Livid_Parsnip6190

#22

18 years, and then she passed from brain cancer in February.

Edit to add… At 41.

#23

7.5 years. We were dating since college and talked about marriage but he started having doubts about me.

We’re super honest with each other and he told me he started thinking about another girl, he could’ve done better, and how he’s embarrassed when his aunt asked him whether I already lose weight or not. The problem started with us having arguments when I dyed my hair, he didn’t like it and he views it as an impulsive decision & I’m too spontaneous. Then I wanted to lose weight, he was supportive even bought me a Fitbit but he gets frustrated when I didn’t show any result. Mind you starting out was hard because I have to drastically change my lifestyle & mindset. He’s upset because I didn’t follow what ‘it should be’ according to his standards. One time he asked me if in my workout I can add more cardio so my butt would be smaller. I had to explain I have a pear body shape so even if I weighed less, my body shape will remains. He also always have something to say about the way I dress, how he likes it more ‘minimal’ ‘mature’ and not too flashy (I wear like Y2K inspired tops & jeans).

Looking back, I was blaming myself too much and I did everything I could to satisfy what he wanted but it was never enough. I’m quite vocal and when I didn’t agree with him I’ll send out long paragraphs trying to explain what it is from my side. He felt like I wasn’t listening to him, that he always had to compromise. So I blamed myself maybe I should’ve handled it better, maybe I should just listen to him more and try to do what he wants first and only disagree with him when I did it & it doesn’t work for me. I also hardly get jealous and I rarely have any demands for him (except when he started to get distant and I called him out on that). This led him to believe that he’s toxic to me, that he’s controlling me and he didn’t like it but he can’t help but feel that way.

He is a really good guy. But growing up from college to adulthood, we started to have different priorities from back then & I just didn’t fit into his now. Our break up was in the nicest way possible, we still remain in contact after months & talked about our new dating life. I’m still in good terms with his family until now.

I learned a lot from this relationship and I feel like I matured a lot & a better person post-break up. I’m grateful in a way, otherwise I’ll never experience heartbreak and how to recover from it. Now I know I can do it, and when it happens again, I always get back from it.

Now he found someone on dating app, been dating for less than a year and will marry that girl next year. I’m single, been dating on and off, but recently got heartbroken. Although I know I’ll get through this, can’t help but taking it reaaaaally slow now as I don’t want to experience another one.

#24

2 years, we both just agreed that things weren’t going great and ended up as friends lol.

#25

2 years, and we broke up due to me getting a job over in Chicago. It was an opportunity for me, and I wanted to take it so she understood. I miss her like crazy.

#26

Six years. She was 14 years older than me. She got promoted and moved to a city five hours away. We discussed getting married but I didn’t want to leave my job. Sometimes I wonder what she’s doing, if she’s alive and if she ever thinks about me.

#27

4.5 years, he cheated and I had an undiagnosed personality disorder.

#28

7 years. She lived in Halifax, I live in South Louisiana, we were very long distance. She always told me she wanted to move down to me and then she graduated college and all of a sudden didn’t want to anymore. I suspect there was somebody else but I’ll never know for sure.

#29

My longest relationship was my last relationship. We dated for almost 3 years, started dating senior year in high school to 3 days ago. Made it through all of senior year of high school, and the first 2 years of college. We broke up a couple months ago because she was going through mental things, and we got back together hours later. Her mom didn’t like us together, or me for that matter for stupid things I won’t go into detail with. I tried doing everything for her, we had plans of getting married and starting a family, typical high school sweetheart stuff. When she got home she started canceling on me a lot, we argued everyday, and when we met 3 days ago she said she didn’t know what she wanted, she thought about being single positively, wanted to be with her friends more, and how she wanted to make her mom happy. She felt sorry for making me upset, and said we can work through it but I could tell she didn’t want to be with me anymore. We broke up mutually and on good terms, but it still stings. I still love her and miss her, and I’d still do whatever I could to help her. But, we both decided we needed to focus on ourselves.

#30

8 years and honestly he cheated but checked out mentally after he deployed(we split two years after) I tried to be there for him. Didn’t beg him to talk, just assured him I was there if he needed. He was convinced I was cheating but turns out it was just projection. I left, hooked up with him two years later and found out the day after I signed my divorce papers(we really took our time filing) I was pregnant.

#31

Four months.
Her dad was a psycho.
Racist white supremacist who threatened to f**k me up and shoot me.
Funny though, even though he was a racist and a white supremacist, he had a Mexican wife who was not a citizen of the US.

#32

2 years. Honestly everything you could imagine, I was Just too inexperienced and mentally unwell to know better.

He couldn’t and wouldn’t save money and asked me for mine. Was a slob and wouldn’t help clean. Had me buy him a dog he doesn’t take care of at all. Would be mean to my cats. Sexted other people online. Called me a b***h in public and at work no less. Would be “too stressed” to do finances or his Job. Played video games 24/7 and would hit things and yell when he lost the game. Screams at the mom that literally does everything for him. Not a romantic bone in his body. Would get angry and feel emasculated because I was the breadwinner, the handyman, the responsible one, and the smart one but didn’t do anything to change that. Wouldn’t try anything new or ever leave the house unless forced. Yelled at my friend till they cried. Said he would kill himself if I broke up with him. The list is freaking endless.

#33

4 months. I broke up with him because I was miserable and I realized I’m aroace. Took 4 months because I could bear it until about month 3, then I wanted out. Took me the last month to work up the courage to end it, but valentines day being around the corner was more than enough of a motivator.

This was also my only romantic relationship ever. Happened 5 years ago.

#34

My longest relationship was a year and a half. It was a high school relationship.

We broke up because we just didn’t see eye to eye anymore. Every time I ever got upset and cried over literally anything he just said “suck it up buttercup”. It totally wasn’t as if I was just recovering from being kicked out of home by my abusive father, was homeless, and had CPTSD from years of trauma; “Sucking it up” isn’t exactly goddamn easy.

I couldn’t show I was ever emotional to him or he’d lecture me. He was also extremely political to a point where if you disagreed with him he’d argue and insult you. I wasn’t political but there were things he said that I just morally didn’t agree with, and when I spoke on those things he acted like I was betraying him. He and his family were so passionate about politics that they at one time sat me down and yelled at me for sharing a post on Facebook that had a political joke on it that made fun of their political party.

Things worsened when he started getting angry that I’d refuse to do some hard BDSM things with him. The one time he AND HIS FRIENDS in the same room all tried peer pressuring me into wearing a sensory mask that completely blocked your eyesight and hearing. I was terrified of the mask and did not want it on me, but he was so determined to get me to wear it. His friends were also in on it. When I finally said no, they called me a pussy. After that was when it was cemented that I couldn’t deal with it anymore.

#35

7 years. He left because he didn’t love me and never had. Never wanted the relationship apparently. We’d just been looking at engagement rings.

#36

7 years. When I met him he was independent and in the military. 4 years later and he’s out of the service, itching to get back to mommy and daddy. Tried to make it work, but he disrespected me in front of his family consistently and never spent his days off at home with me and the kids.
Karma got him though.

#37

2 years. Open relationship situation that didn’t work for either of us, I was an emotional wreck, he was insecure, but the cherry on top was when he SA everyone in my friend group.

#38

5 years from 18-23

I felt I had no control over my direction in life anymore so I decided to end it. Felt like an object more than a boyfriend.

#39

#40

4 years. Got bored both times. Nah the first time I actually just moved away and so yeah we never really broke up.

#41

8 months, this was about six years ago. I was very mentally unwell and he became very distant. We got into a huge fight one night bc I felt neglected and not supported and he said he wasn’t having fun anymore. I realised it wasn’t going to better and we broke up. We had a bonus night about six months later I regretted afterwards. We haven’t spoken since, and I’m in a relationship now, just over five months.

#42

4.5 years (3.5 years married), lack of trust and respect. We just grew apart. Still trying to get over it now.

#43

3 half years from my age 20(m), her age 19(f). Broke up due to too many dramas from my previously so called friends, negative family relations, and mental health issues coming from all of that. Turned into friends after breakup as we also weren’t exactly compatible intimately or physical interactions. Friends for about 3 years but it’s just ended due to emotional issues and moving in different directions in life. Still single since the relationship breakup with only one date I had between now and since then, she’s moved on to other romantic partners.

#44

Little over a year. I treated her like a piece of meat and ended up cheating on her.

Definitely will be the first and the last time I ever do that. Woke up that morning and haven’t stopped feeling like s**t since. Working on it…

#45

4 years, and cause we “both” knew this wasn’t a forever thing. Plot twist, we didn’t both know ?. Obviously some other factors at play. However she never gave a reason and that was the only answer when I asked why !

#46

3 years fully, we grew up & changed and I didn’t like him that way anymore, we’re still friends .

#47

4 years he was on a verge of cheating again I should’ve left before that he was abusive and cheated once before the funny thing is the woman wanted nothing to do with him lol.

#48

Married for 7 years. Ex had an affair with one of her former students 10 years younger. Dude had just turned 18. Gradually started drifting away prior to that.

Moral of the story, don’t get married at 21 years old.

#49

5 years. I broke up with him last year because he has bipolar and I never felt that it was managed as well as it could be. Things were really good sometimes, but when they were bad, they were really bad. Like him self-harming right in front of me during fights. Or even when we weren’t fighting, he’d blow a fuse over small things like if he couldn’t get into an account and had to reset the password. When I broke up with him, he spiraled and would cycle between yelling and crying and moving my stuff out of the house we owned together. After I left, he tried to [end] himself.

#50

Almost 4 years! He led me to believe we’d be getting married when, in actuality, he had changed his mind 1 year in. He would change my last name to his on his phone, we planned out what food we’d serve, the music we’d play, color schemes, the works! Then one day I confronted him after I had a really bad gut feeling that something was just wrong/bad, and the truth came out. I don’t know why he kept me around for so long or why he wouldn’t tell me. I never got closure from him, nor will I ever, which is fine. He didn’t show any emotion when I broke things off until I told him he and I couldn’t be friends, nor have any contact – then that’s when he got sad for a second. He played a lot of my past traumas against me, I regret not leaving sooner when he did and said some pretty awful things – but I’m happy I did when I finally did. I guess I was comfortable wearing the rose-colored glasses then but when they broke, oh god, did they break and show me the true colors!! Everything happened pretty smoothly with the transition out of his life/house despite the hurt and confusion.

Fast forward to now – I’m in a healthy relationship with someone who has true intentions of marrying me and starting a family. I’m pretty darn happy!

#51

On and off for four years. We broke up because he said he fell out of love with me. Later found out he was cheating on me. Good riddance.

#52

Prior to my current relationship it was 4 months… mostly because I got bored pretty easily and had a bad habit of dating beautiful women who were incredibly dull as people.

#53

8 years- divorce. Lots of emotional abuse and disrespect. I finally had enough.

#54

4 painful years. He was a d**g addict, narcissistic, alcoholic, a liar, a cheater and abusive in every way you can abuse a person.