I can’t imagine the pressure that parents feel when naming their children. Finding a name that has a positive connotation, that both parents love and that, ideally, won’t leave their child being one of 10 Sarahs in their kindergarten class can feel like an impossible task.

But when in doubt, go for something classic. If you find yourself resorting to the name of your favorite Transformer or Pokémon, you might be better suited for having a pet, not a child.

Redditors have recently been sharing the worst names they’ve ever heard for children, so we’ve gathered some of the most atrocious ones below. Please don’t take any inspiration from this list when naming your own kids, pandas, and be sure to upvote the names that you hope aren’t actually on birth certificates!

#1

Labia.

No. I am not joking. Pronounced La’-beeuh. Poor sod.

Image credits: GarethOfQuirm

#2

I worked with somebody whose first and middle names were Tequila Sunrise

She said her mom named her that because that’s how she was conceived.

Image credits: asselfoley

#3

3 sisters named Precious, Pleasure, and Desirees Cox. I’m not even kidding I wish I was….

Image credits: Ok_Ice8840

To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Inky-Skies, who posed the question, “What’s the worst name you’ve known to actually be given to a child?”

She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share that the thread was inspired by a conversation she had with her boyfriend about silly names. “He just moved from the US to Germany to live with me, and I explained how the law can intervene here if parents try to give their kids very outrageous or insulting/illegal names,” the OP explained.

“We read a list of silly names online, and I was curious to see if people on Reddit knew someone who gave such names to their kids IRL,” she continued. “I certainly didn’t expect the post to blow up the way it did!”

#4

I work at a school… We have a Khaleesi, a Goku, a M’King, Carr’money and a Sir. Parents these days are absolutely as insane as you think.

#5

Went to school with a kid who had a full beard, was 6ft4 and wide as a fridge. His name?

Angel Darling.

Image credits: chestofdrawers02

#6

Siblings: Brodeo Rodeo and Justa Cowgirl.

Image credits: Afraid-String

Because outrageous names are banned in Germany, the OP says she doesn’t personally know anyone who’s named their child something that could end up on this list. “But sometimes people will have unusual or weirdly spelled names – my own name, Riccarda, might fall into that category,” she shared.

“And of course, certain names are stigmatized but legal; the female name Chantal (unfortunately my middle name, from before it became stigmatized) or the male name Kevin are examples of that here,” Inky-Skies added.

#7

Per freakonomics there was a family in which the dad named kid number 7 “winner”. Kid number 8 was named “loser”.

Loser is a successful lawyer as of my last read, pronounces it lou-sier.

Image credits: BlackWindBears

#8

My mom was a 1st grade schoolteacher in a very rural southern area. She once had a kid named Orgasm.

I…had no words.

Image credits: vectaur

#9

Former mailman here. The name that takes the cake is Marijuana Whiskey.

Immediate_Revenue_90: 

There is a college professor named Marijuana Pepsi

Image credits: RnbwSprklBtch

We also asked Inky-Skies what she believes are the most important factors parents should consider when choosing names for their kids. “To choose a name that won’t provoke bullying or otherwise negatively affect the child’s life,” she told Bored Panda.

“I think a lot of parents want the name to be funny or unique when choosing such a name, or consider it witty – but they forget that they’re naming a person, not a character or pet,” the OP says. “That person will one day grow up and apply for jobs with their name, have their own social circle and personality. It’s unfair to burden someone with a name that will ridicule them or turn them into a social outcast. That should go above the parents’ need to express themselves.”

#10

A girl in juvie court – I’m guessing at the spelling, so I’m writing it as it was pronounced- Loukeemia. I kid you not. I nearly died.

Image credits: Readsumthing

#11

Placenta, I guess they heard it in the hospital and liked the sound.

Image credits: qdude1

#12

Went to school with a girl named Shtanya. She once said something really horrible to me so I told me mom who said “Who told you this? What? You’re gonna get s**t talked by someone named ‘S**t on you’? Tell her to get bent.”

Next time she mouthed off I let the one fly. She never recovered.

As far as what Inky-Skies thought of the responses to her post, she says, “I did read through most of them, although after the first thousand or so, it was hard to keep track of them all!”

“One of the funniest I saw was ‘Mnop,’ pronounced Noël – because ‘no L,'” she shared. “Another parent apparently named their child ‘Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze’ – the full name of the anime character – as a first name. A few more: ‘Sexybeth,’ ‘Placenta’ (‘because it sounds like a flower’), ‘Goldfish,’ and ‘WiFi.'”

#13

I knew a family that named their daughters Today, Tomara, and Ta’yestaday. Wish I was kidding.

Image credits: Hexagonsnsuch

#14

I have a neighbor called Batman. I think it’s dope but I couldn’t call my child that.

Image credits: presucestii

#15

Ta’Lighta. Her last name was Kandle. I don’t know what her mother was thinking.

Image credits: zoeheriot

Finally, the OP added that she’s “very happy that really insulting names aren’t allowed in [her] country, because in the end, it’s the child’s dignity that’s at stake.”

“Parents shouldn’t be given free reign if their goal is to dehumanize their children,” she says.

#16

When I was working at a restaurant, a guy gave me a credit card to pay and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. His name: Alpha Gay.

Image credits: znikki

#17

My best friend grew up with a guy whose legal name was *actually* “Lunchbox.” LUNCHBOX!!!! And his younger brother’s name was “Thermos”.

#18

Heard about an airline being sued because the attendants were making fun of a child passenger’s name which is, I s**t you not, Abcde. Like of course your child is going to be bullied for a fuck*ss name like that.

Image credits: IdentifiesAsUrMom

#19

I once met a kid named “WiFi.” Yep, you heard that right. I guess their parents wanted them to be constantly connected…to their name!

Image credits: ItchyWay207

#20

My mom worked in a nicu. Someone named their daughter Chlamydia… because it’s sounds pretty… the social worker talked them into changing it thankfully

There was also: Jellyanus (pronounced helli-ah-nas), More Money, Super Royal, Love Godess, Pajama (paj-ahma), Gary’en and Gary’on, Shaniya & Shanijah, Rowdy, Sir, Heavensentmyblessin’.

Image credits: violetsunlight7

#21

I had a colleague whose brother named their baby son Dude. She was distraught and pretty disgusted ?.

Image credits: creamandblack

#22

I did security clearance back ground checks in the Army and ran across a soldier who’s name was Captain Richard Gaylord. He went by D**k or Cap, but preferred D**k.

** I am editing to make it clear that his parents named him Captain Richard. He was a Sgt in the army.

#23

Banjoman. He went by Bo.

It was pronounced “Banjamen”. So I assumed his parents were too redneck and uneducated to know how “Benjamin” was spelled.

Image credits: NickFurious82

#24

I read about a child whose mother named her Treblinka.

When asked why, the mother said “Because it’s so pretty!” She didn’t care about the history of that name at all.

(For those NITK, it’s the name of one of the Nazi death camps during WWII.).

#25

Pubert.
That’s it.
Pubert Smith.

#26

My son played soccer with a kid named Anaconda.

We had a customer at work who was a male named Sarah, and another customer (whose family was not American) named Mahboob.

#27

I booked in a woman who’s name was Clitoris.

#28

I briefly worked with a lady who’s given name was Bunny. She worked for the Army Corps of Engineers and was terrifyingly stern – no smiling, no jokes, no funny business. Most inaptly named person I have ever met, unless her parents were into Watership Down or something.

#29

Delicious…. and it was a guy… you will find many funny ‘english’ names in our part of the world… many many.

Image credits: VarkYuPayMe

#30

My dad’s assistant named her daughter Slanina which essentially means “pig fat” in Romanian. She even pronounced it the same way as the word is pronounced in Romanian: sluh-ni-nuh.

Image credits: fulthrottlejazzhands

#31

Arsonlove

They called them Arson for short.

Image credits: awesome_possum76

#32

Girl I know from college named her kid “Moatley” because she likes the idea of castle moats and the protection they provide. She’s now pregnant again, can’t wait to see what awful name the next kid is saddled with.

#33

I don’t work in the porn/stripper industry but I’ve had a customer named Misty Butts and another named Krystal Power.

#34

I knew a boy called Rambo he was 8 when the first movie came out. They changed his name within 6 months.

#35

I went to school with a girl named Princess. She was exactly what you’d expect from someone with that name.

Image credits: OldOperaHouseMan

#36

Colon. Not Collin. It may not be weird name to some people, but all I can think of is the large intestine when I hear that name.

Image credits: Capable-Ground8272

#37

LaDynasty = I remember many substitute teachers mispronouncing it Lady Nasty.

#38

I once met a kid named “Cyanide.” I guess their parents were aiming for something unique, but they probably didn’t realize it’s also a deadly poison. Talk about starting life with a bang!

#39

I worked with someone who met a kid named Meconium (yes, as in baby’s first poop).

Image credits: autumn-ember-7

#40

When I was a teenager I worked with a guy named Jack Hoff. As a teacher I had students in the same class named Rusty Buzzoff and Carmen Butts. I also had a student who’s 15 year old sister had a baby girl and named her Pebbles Champagne.

#41

My mom knew a Harry Pitts in high school. I also work at a college and saw a student with the first name “Violence.”.

Image credits: kargyres

#42

I did a form in work today. The person’s first name was Amazing-Grace.

Image credits: T_raltixx

#43

I had a kid in one of my classes named Forth. I don’t get it.

#44

I once knew a kid named “Fiasco.” Yep, sounds like setting high expectations right from birth!

Image credits: Character-Ad3534

#45

V*gina. Pronounced VAJ-ah-na. The mother saw the word in print and thought it was nice.

#46

This girl I knew, her legal name was Female. Her mother couldn’t pick a name and it was left as female. Once it was too late to change, it was all hell. Everyone called her Jackie cause that’s what she wanted but legally, her name is Female. We would always fun of her and pronounce it like the word Tamale. fem-all-ee. She hated it?.

Image credits: Bobafetished

#47

This isn’t the worst name, it’s actually very common. But I went to high school with a girl named Casey Diaz. I didn’t make the connection until my friend just chuckled and said, ‘quesadillas, hahaha’.

#48

There was a girl from my brothers school called Closure.

#49

Truly Scrumptious. Yes, like in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

#50

I went to school with a Richard Lycker. The jokes were endless.

#51

My cousin named his son William Robert – so Billy Bob.

I also knew of twins growing up named Major and Royal, not the worst ever I guess but their last name is Payne.

#52

Spider. Also Taylour (pronounced Tay-LORE).

#53

I have a 4th great-grandfather whose first name was Pringle… he was born in the 18th century, so I guess it’s not too uncommon for that time, but damn ?.

#54

A girl at my elementary school was named Delight Sprinkle (Sprinkle was the last name).

#55

I am a retired teacher and I really know or knew these people and families and so, I cannot make my own comments, but you feel free!
1) Nosmoking (first thing Mom saw when she woke up)
2) Female (3 syllables, rhymes with tamale) (that’s what doctor wrote on her bracelet)
3) Asia
4) Barling (as in darling, just wanted something different)
5) Starfish
6) Rainbow
7) Sir, Mister
8) Knowing God
9) Prince, Princess, Queen, King, Duke
10) Bestie
11) Bictha

These are just the ones that come to mind quickly. There are many more creative ones. My stomach hurts now though.

#56

Platano..if you’re Spanish/Carribean you’ll especially understand why naming your child that is setting them up to fail..

#57

My cousin’s last name begins with ‘K’. He named his daughter “Kitty Kay”.

Envision her initials. Also, envision her as a *grandmother with a name like “Kitty”.

#58

Girl I new once upon a time who’s first name was Candy. Last name was Bar (with two r’s).

#59

Worked at a school for a year and met a 7-year-old old whose first name was Alpacino. .

#60

Knowledge Zion
They called him KZ. I say it was a lost opportunity to call him Know for short.

#61

My coworker dated a gal from the Bronx named “Bermuda Schwartz”.

#62

Philistine. Assuming that the parents were religious, the philistines were *villains* in the bible. wtf.

#63

In kindergarten, a classmate was named Jackov.
He was quickly given a nickname of Jake.

Image credits: Kooky-Water3679

#64

I used to be a teacher; one of my students was named Alecsys (pronounced Alexis). She hated her name, so she went by Lex.

#65

I went to school with a Bacardi and her sister was called breezer ?.

#66

I know a girl that named her baby Lucifer ??.

#67

Stihl
…Yes like the chain saw.

#68

Met a kid named Jayarr. I asked if it meant something. Nope. One parent wanted a kid with initials, the other wanted a kid with a “real” name so they compromised. Worst compromise ever.

#69

Harlot.

#70

My BIL swears he went to school with Justin, the son of Mr & Mrs Case.

#71

Toss up between Khaleesi and Scotlan. Not Scotland, just Scotlan.

#72

Two siblings named Indica and Sativa. Very clever indeed.

#73

Purity lol.

#74

Sympathy.

#75

Riot….that should look good on the CV….

#76

I know of 2 different couples, who don’t know each other at all, who both have named a child Sunshine in the past few years. First it was a daughter, and next it was a son.

Sunshine…. both also go by ‘Sunny’.

#77

In high school, I was friends with this nice kid in my English class. His name was Aryan. And he was black.

#78

Baron.

#79

An Arabic name is called “della,دلّة” which means a coffee maker in Saudi arabic.
Also, an Arabic name is called “azab,عذاب” which basically means -torture-.

#80

I always liked Jason Lee but, Pilot Inspector, is an objectively horrid name for a kid, a pet, f**k i wouldnt name one of my fish that. Like he will never even be in movies unless he changes it. Such a f*****g douchbag move for douchebag dad. For relevance, I have two first names and two last names….that alone caused enough grief for me. I cannot even imagine for him. Also every f*****g human will know who you are just by the name like who would do that to a f*****g baby. Narcissistic as f**k.