“Declaring Yourself An Alpha Male”: 55 Things That Are Not The Flexes People Think They Are

While some things people do are genuinely impressive, many others are not; but that doesn’t stop the latter group from bragging nevertheless. Be it the minuscule number of hours they slept or the number of social media followers they have, such “achievements” might not be the flexes they think they are.

These and many other examples were shared by members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community, after the user ‘LeatherFruitPF’ started a discussion about it. They asked the netizens about things that aren’t the flexes people believe they are, and the redditors had plenty to share. Scroll down to find their answers on the list below and see for yourself what’s simply not worth bragging about.

#1

Working yourself to the point of having absolutely no time for yourself.

Work ethic is good, strong work ethic is great. Living to work is not great.

Image credits: hurricane1985

#2

Being proud about being uneducated. Bragging about having never read a book. “Went to the school of hard knocks” type of s**t annoys me. I have no problem with someone who isn’t educated. But if you’re flexing about it, you’re a moron.

Image credits: Alarming-Complaint47

#3

Being proud about being “brutally honest” when they’re just rude.

Image credits: AdventurousCoach6654

#4

Boasting about how much something they’re wearing costs even though you know they can’t afford it.

Image credits: Niamhmrn

#5

Declaring yourself an alpha male. I guess that means something in your little subculture, but to the rest of us, that’s just head-scratchingly silly.

Image credits: TrooperJohn

#6

Your lack of sleep. You’re doing significant damage to your brain and self.

Image credits: Eli1026

#7

“I’m a nice person unless you p**s me off. Then I go crazy” or something similar

If you’re only nice when you’re calm, you’re not nice.

Image credits: Big-Crow4152

#8

Not doing something. Like not watching a popular show, not drinking coffee, etc etc. the amount of people who say these things as if they want a f*****g medal for it is astounding.

Image credits: tellevee

#9

Not taking Sick days.

Image credits: Emergency-Village191

#10

Having an expensive, usually large designer/ purebred dog, or a wolf hybrid. But especially having a husky.

All it shows me is the 90% chance you didn’t do the research OR, that you gaslit yourself into thinking you’d seriously go running that much.

Sincerely,

The neighbor that catches several f*****g bored, escaped huskies per year in my suburb.

A husky is a WORKING dog that, in its ideal life, would be RUNNING 50-100 miles a day *while* pulling heavy cargo– and if you don’t find a way to simulate that, well. This is a dog that is going to *find* a way to simulate that. Usually by eating your house, and or yeeting itself over your adorable little fence and chasing everything that moves.

I love dogs, but I hate most husky owners.

Image credits: AdultDisappointment

#11

Not just having a big or expensive car, but a loud one.

Nobody is impressed.

Image credits: ArmchairCritic1

#12

Number of followers you have on social media.

Image credits: GeddesPrime

#13

Literally anything you have to try flexing. The most genuinely impressive things by nature do not require you to rub them in peoples faces.

Image credits: Dune1008

#14

How much of a drinker they are.

Image credits: ThatOneNinja

#15

Driving around in a $50,000 new car while not being able to cover a $1000 emergency.

Image credits: Stellers90

#16

Bragging about not wearing sunscreen. Enjoy your premature aging and wrinkles, dumb**s!

Image credits: truthhurts2222222

#17

Showing up to work or class when you’re deathly ill.

Image credits: Voyager5555

#18

All their ex’s are crazy.

Image credits: gizmob27

#19

“I’ve had Covid 4 times already”.

Image credits: popsistops

#20

Fighting in bars. Honestly, being the type to square up with anyone over anything that you could just as easily walk away from.

Image credits: ronerychiver

#21

The ceo of the company I work for was just featured on the cover of a magazine talking about how great their company culture is.

One of his points was how the company set up a program to annually nominate a coworker who can’t afford Christmas where their other employees donate to them. He used this to brag about our amazing culture

To me this reads as, we pay our employee so poorly that on an yearly basis we have so many employees who can’t afford Christmas we have to nominate who needs help the most and then we guilt trip our other grossly underpaid employees to compensate for it.

So basically any company that brags about culture due to their employees helping out other employees when it comes to financial stresses most likely cause by poor pay. I would say “donating” PTO falls into this category as well. 

Image credits: notgraceful11199

#22

Replying to someone on twitter and mocking them for having no followers.

Image credits: PMBSteve

#23

Men bragging that they’ve never changed one of their kids’ diapers in their lifetime. Basically you’ve just outed yourself as a s****y, uninvolved parent and a s****y partner.

Image credits: AdSouth5657

#24

Wearing designer with huge logos.

Image credits: No-Information-8893

#25

Being a nihilist who complains about how meaningless life is and how awful all human beings are, and how the world will be so much better when we all die.

Newsflash to every redditor: It doesn’t make you smarter or more enlightened than everyone else. It’s just sad behavior tbh.

Image credits: anon

#26

Calling themselves “entrepreneurs.” Dude, I know you’re in an MLM.

Image credits: DizzyLead

#27

Anything you had zero choice in. Your sex, skin color, nationality, sexual orientation.

#28

Being disrespectful to the disabled or weird kids as a joke.

#29

Westerners moving to Dubai and flaunting their new lavish lifestyle. You’re basically validating the use of slaves to build that dystopic s**thole.

#30

Being an influencer.

#31

Working 80 hours a week, getting little to no sleep.

Image credits: Lietenantdan

#32

Perfect attendance in school.

As an adult, as I’ve noticed kids with stuff like health issues, family issues, etc. where they have no choice but to miss school, I’ve come to realize that perfect attendance isn’t a flex. It’s just having luck in life circumstances.

#33

“I only got 4 hours of sleep”
“Oh yeah well I got 2”.

Image credits: Just-ThatOneGuy1123

#34

Gym selfies to announce you go to the gym.

#35

Bagging a cheater.

If he cheated *with* you, he will cheat *on* you!

#36

Flashing large amounts of cash. It’s just makes it look like that’s all the money you have, and you are too poor to have a bank account.

Image credits: Griffin880

#37

Mom’s who post videos of themselves with tons of kids while looking like s**t themselves thinking they’re saints for “sacrificing” themselves to raise their kids.

Image credits: MissDryCunt

#38

“I tell it like it is.”

No you’re just a b***h.

#39

Having a work calendar booked wall-to-wall with meetings. It’s usually an executive or upper management type.

Being on calls all day is not good for you or the company. If you’re in charge you can decide which meetings are worth your attendance. Also should be delegating more.

Finally, not leaving anyone else a chance to ever book a meeting with you is just an a-hole move.

#40

Actually flexing.

#41

Being a member of MENSA.

It’s really, really not hard to get in, and it’s really, really not something that *anyone* outside of MENSA actually cares about.

Edit: for all the edgelords asking if I was dumped by a MENSA member, if I failed to get in, etc… no, the context is I’m a psych and worked in assessment for years so saw plenty of MENSA advocates (and mostly they did not have superior-level IQs).

Also ETA: ? TIL it’s an insult in Spanish, gracias ustedes!

#42

Driving a big a*s truck.

#43

Leaving tags on clothes/hats/shoes. Just looks like you’re planning to return it.

#44

Oversharing the honeymoon phase of a relationship on social media.

#45

How hot of a person you “pull” to cheat on your spouse/partner.

#46

As a noob Reddit user, I still don’t get the karma thing.

#47

Boasting/bragging about lots of money or material things.

Move in silence.. why does everyone care so much about image?

#48

Knowing a celebrity.

#49

How many times they went to jail and how big their car payments are.

#50

Body count.

#51

Lifts and mods to vehicles. Especially trucks. It’s like the person’s entire personality is their lifted truck with it’s knobby off rust tires “I could never afford” that will never leave it’s safe space that is the pavement.

It’s always people who “need” XYZ for their truck, but they’re never gonna use XYZ. My truck is a work truck, and people tell me it’d look so much better with a lift. Well I disagree because I can just barely reach into my bed comfortably to get to my tools, and then they tell me I just “need” bed or box steps… It’s amazing they never see through their own stupidity.

#52

Doing your charity “over there” and for all the world to see.

#53

Bragging about “side hustling” on your off time for extra cash.

#54

Owning a Tesla.

#55

Buying $640/month over 8-9 years cars.