Research has linked secrecy to increased anxiety, depression, and even the more rapid progression of diseases. The explanation is quite simple: hiding things from others is hard work.

You have to watch what you say—staying careful not to slip up often requires evasion or even deception. And constant vigilance and concealment can be exhausting.

However, sometimes we can’t open up even to our closest people. Recently, Reddit user Master_Notice_6690 made a post on the platform, asking its women, “What’s a secret you could never tell your parents and why do you feel you can’t tell them?” The answers started quickly pouring in, revealing the burden many carry silently.

#1

This one is more lighthearted than many, but it is something I will take to the grave. My mom, for some unknown reason, came to the belief that I absolutely love a certain brand of caramel chocolates. Really, I feel pretty neutral about them. I am not much of a candy-eater, and when I am I prefer chocolate without caramel, but whatever. But anyway she for some reason believes that these are my absolute favorites and gets me a baggy every year for Christmas. The look on her face as I open them and eat one in front of her is so pure, I will never ruin it for her.

Image credits: artichoke313

#2

That every time they are involved in my child’s interests and being affectionate and playful, I’m wondering why I didn’t get this version of them.

Image credits: mangopepperjelly

#3

I stole my moms high school diary when I was 12 and she’s been looking for it the last 40 years. The guilt is horrible but I still can’t get the courage to tell her.

Image credits: PleasantJules

#4

I don’t love them.

Both my parents love me in their own way, and I do think they want what’s best for me. That being said, it was made known since birth how much of an inconvenience I was to them. They were not there to support me and, in turn, got angry when I lashed out.

I get along with them well enough nowadays. I appreciate them for the good they’ve done. Do I love them? No.

Image credits: DoctorSalamander

#5

That a big part of why I stay up so late at night is that I can finally have some peace and quiet to myself without my mom walking into my room often to ask me stuff, borrow something from the closet, etc. These things aren’t inherently bad, and she does knock, but they become it when I’m made out to be the bad guy if I ask her to give me some space or if I’m even slightly moody towards her, and it stresses me out.

Image credits: fujiwara-reiko

#6

i’m gay 🙁

they aren’t homophobic toward others but they fear judgement about it from other homophobic family members. and it feels like they value having a good image over me sometimes.

Image credits: limonadebeef

#7

I’m the emotional support child so I don’t tell them anything bad, ever. My older sibling is the embodiment of chaos, my younger has health issues. I’m fine. 

Image credits: Neon_Sunbee

#8

That I’m autistic. Might figure out a way to tell them at some point, but it just doesn’t really feel worth it. My older brother was diagnosed as a kid, autism isn’t an unfamiliar concept to them, no idea how or why they were oblivious when it came to me as a kid/teenager but they really f*****g dropped the ball. Whenever I came to them with social issues I was having, just got told it was normal and I would grow out of it. Most of those issues weren’t normal, though who the hell knows how many of my family members are neurodivergent and unaware, and they didn’t just go away, had to figure them out the hard way years later after finally figuring out what was going on.

Would have been nice if I had just known from the start, blindly stumbling through my childhood and teenage years wasn’t fun and has left me with a variety of issues. But too late for that, figured it out fairly young still, moving forward as best I can. No idea how my parents would react, if I told them and got a bad response, they deny it, argue, whatever, it would hurt my relationship with them pretty badly, not really worth risking that over something they’ve long since missed the chance to help me navigate.

Image credits: LadyVague

#9

That my partner and I are polyamorous.

My mom is the child of a family broken by infidelity. Her father was the cheater and he was never sorry. He felt that he could love both women, and he couldn’t see that his cheating was a devastating betrayal — that my grandmother would never have consented to that arrangement and was crushed by his actions and his refusal to apologize.

This is my happiest kind of relationship arrangement, but especially because my partner’s currently seeing someone and I’m not, my parents would 100% see it as me accepting abuse out of a lack of self respect.

#10

I could never tell my mother that the guy she gave me permission to date was actually abusing me emotionally and is just generally not a good person(I was 17 at the time, so I needed her permission. She’s strict.) I cant tell her because it feels like my fault. I begged her to date him, ever since I was 13. She would just be very sad and disappointed if she knew the truth. She brings him up all the time, but she doesn’t know we aren’t in contact anymore so I can’t blame her.

Image credits: SugarPieDie

#11

I was almost abducted by a drugged woman in college who wanted me in her car for money. She saw me carrying a lot of shopping bags out in public, in broad daylight. I was buying Christmas presents and was on my way back to my dorm when it happened.

In hindsight I should’ve told my parents and reported it, but I was so shocked I didn’t. Obviously I got away, but still knowing that it almost happened bothers me occasionally. It’s been almost 10 years now.

Image credits: superior_navy235

#12

from my mom: I’m queer.
from my dad: I wanna die sometimes .

my mom is super racist/homophobic (as much as she claims she isn’t) so i’ve been hiding that from her for like 15 years.

my dad loves me so much and he’s already lost a child, I feel bad for even wanting to die sometimes bc i don’t wanna hurt him. he’s like the one reason i’m still here. I love him so much and he’s done so much for me even though he probably doesn’t know how much he’s done for me and how much i appreciate him.

this got kinda sad and emotional and im crying but LOL yeah

Image credits: mellywheats

#13

My dad passed away 21 years ago, and I could never tell him he f****d up my and my sister’s life by choosing such a horrible human being to be our mother and by looking away when his 2nd wife physically and psychologically abused us during our entire childhood and teenage years. 

Image credits: Maragent-bee

#14

I never told my mum I had a motorbike. I used to hide it with the neighbour when she came to visit. She repeatedly told me she’d disown me if I ever got on one, so goodness know how she would have reacted if she knew I’d bought one haha.

After she died, me and my dad got drunk at my house one night and I told him. In the morning I showed him it and he thought it was hilarious. I have since sold the bike (broke my collarbone on mountain bike and realised how much more dangerous a motorbike would be), but I’m still glad mum never found out about it, but a bit sad at the same time she never knew this quite significant part of my life.

Image credits: d3gu

#15

That I never wanted children because of how I grew up thinking I had to be on the wacked out diet my mother was on (she’s 5’3 and 100 lbs soaking wet). My dad wasn’t as bad, but if I wasn’t being active like him, I was a disappointment. So, I didn’t want to raise children with those tapes in my head. I’m not going to pass on screwed up body images to my kids like the one I have to myself.

Image credits: NotFunny3458

#16

I used to do SW. I feel like they would be so ashamed of me, because I didn’t do it out of desperation, they’ve always helped me financially. I did it because I wanted power and control after being abused multiple times. I would just be so sad if they found out I used to sell my body.

Image credits: thelookofplasma

#17

When I was 3-4 I had a very abusive babysitter. One of my first memories involves this woman brushing my hair, yanking it, and when I cried out, hitting me with the hairbrush so hard I fell into a night stand and broke it, at which point she literally beat my a*s with the hairbrush. Afterwards she drug me to the car, decided to take me and the other kids she was watching to the bank, made me wear a paper bag over my head, and while everyone else got a sucker and ice cream, because I was “crying like a baby”, I got to sit and watch them eat. When I got home, my parents saw the bruising on my butt and legs and freaked the f**k out. They asked what happened and I told them. They called to confront her and she made up some story about how I fell down the stairs and landed on my butt after having a really bad dream, that I had been yelling and crying in my sleep. My parents didn’t believe her, even though I did and still do have very vivid and often violent dreams, but me being the sensitive kid that I was, I was so afraid they were going to hurt her for what she did, and I was more concerned about her than myself, that I told my parents that must’ve been what happened and I just couldn’t tell the difference between dream and reality. I know what the f**k happened. I didn’t dream it. I didn’t make it up. My parents I don’t think fully believed it, because I started school early at 4, and I think it was partially because they no longer trusted her to watch me. My parents still don’t know that everything I told them was actually true, because even though I’m in my 30s now, and my parents are early 60s, I know they would still beat the woman to death if they found out she actually did this to me. This incident was sadly only one of many I remember from my time with her watching me. She always thought she was better than my mom because my mom’s a nurse who had to work a “real job”, whereas she got to stay home and babysit a few kids. I remember her trying to teach me many lessons about what “real women’s work” was and insulting my mom for not being a “real woman” for having an “outside job”. I was only 3-4 when she babysat me, and I remember so many things so vividly. Several years ago I was at the grocery store with my father and she came up chatting, dad reintroduced us and she laughed and smiled and acted like we were best friends. I remember nodding and smiling until dad wandered off before deadpan telling her, I remember everything, and she better think herself lucky I’ve kept my mouth shut all these years, and she needed to leave and stop acting like we were friends. I took great satisfaction watching the color drain from her face before she left.

Image credits: TheBattyWitch

#18

My list would probably be: -They’ll never know I’m married (it’s a complicated story) -That in high school an ex attempted to SA me (I fought back and got away.) -I have a tattoo. -I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual. It’s been easy to hide though since I’m in a relationship with a man.

Image credits: Taro_Otto

#19

That my husband and I are swingers.

Even though my mom was a hippie and did all the things that one associates with a hippie (free love, lots of drugs, civil disobedience, etc.) I don’t know that she’d understand.

Or she’d ask too many, very detailed questions about our decision because, well…that’s just her.

Image credits: Can-Chas3r43

#20

They once dragged me to the doctors because they thought I was doing drugs because I was low energy, unmotivated and started to spend time in my room all the time. Turned out I had glandular fever, but apart from that I was just really depressed as well because of how hard they were on me and the choices I wanted to make for my own future, while they were forcing me to study something I didn’t want to, where I wasn’t comfortable with the teachers nor my classmates, making for a very isolated experience. I was very young, but was already done with life. If my best friend hadn’t popped up when she did, I probably wouldn’t have been here anymore.

15 years later I’m doing really well, I have nice friends, a nice job, a house, a sweet husband, the cuddliest cat ever. I got where I am because of the choices I made, which I made against my parents’ better judgment.
So it’s very triggering to either hear them say ‘ofcourse you’re so successful, with all the good traits and support you got from us’ or worse ‘ah it’s a shame you never did anything with your brain’ as if me being happy and steady in life is still not good enough.

#21

I had a miscarriage and it was in no way emotionally traumatic for me. My mother, if she knew, would mourn terribly for that pregnancy and judge the f**k out of me for not being upset.

So, she doesn’t ever need to know.

#22

My sister and I feel like the wrong parent died. My entire family devolved when my dad died. It’s very Ionely.

#23

That I’m in early stages of a cancer diagnosis. They live too far away and they are poor so they would want to help and would probably bankrupt themselves to help me.

Plus my mum would catastrophic and it would just be draining. Dealing with my own emotions is already too much. I don’t need hers too.

#24

My mother is great and caring person but she shouldn’t have had kids until she at least tried to fix her emotional issues.

She thinks she was great mother in difficult situation and I’m so smart and strong but in reality she parentified me and used me emotionally to fulfil her needs from her childhood. Her mother denied her emotionally and she complains how hurt she is without realising she is did the same to me just in different way. Not to mention the fact that she’s the reason I don’t want kids and I can never tell her that. How do you tell “I already raised myself and my sibling so why would I want another kid?” without hurting them?

Image credits: whatevernamedontcare

#25

My fathers p**n completely shaped my early sexuality (from 8 on). He didnt show them to me…. I found them. It made me believe awful things about myself, about women, about him. It led me to thinking somethings were normal and they weren’t. I put myself into sexual situations that weren’t safe or healthy because my dads p**n made me think this was normal. The first time I saw a ball gag was in the mouth of a woman. It took 30 years of undoing this sexual implantation that was entirely started by my FATHER. Who I know think of whenever I’m asked to do something I don’t want to do in the bedroom. He wonders why I’m a feminist…. I mean… should I tell him ?

Image credits: Dressed2Thr1ll

#26

That I’m an atheist. It would just break my mother’s heart and she would try to continually get me to believe again because she’d 100% believe I’m going to hell. Now I have a baby the conversation’s gotten a bit harder to manoeuvre around

Image credits: Jaggartex

#27

I was SA’d by my first serious boyfriend. They know that. What they don’t know is that when I attempted to break up with him, he swore he’d ruin my dad’s career if I ever made an accusation against him. His folks were a big deal in my dad’s industry and they were wealthy and better connected than we were. My dad now works in a different state entirely but the statute of limitations has already passed.

Image credits: eeriedear

#28

That the older librarian who mentored me from 16-19 was actually my girlfriend.

Image credits: anon

#29

That I’m not Muslim and actually f*****g hate Islam

Image credits: greenteaandhoney

#30

That I am afraid to look like my mother at my 40s…

Image credits: Majestic_Accident447

#31

I could never tell them that I’m a lesbian, I grew up in a religious household, for some reason I never took to the religion and initially saw myself as agnostic (later in life I consider myself an atheist)

Anyway, I’ve dated men in the past and I could never put my finger on why something was missing… until I muster the courage to ask a female co-worker out. I immediately had internalised homophobia (I was never homophobic to others) and was disgusted and ashamed of myself – don’t worry folks, I’ve worked through this and I am happy with my sexuality.

I moved out and lived with my partner – I never told my parents why and I never told them my address to protect myself and my former partner. I was very open and honest with my partner from the very beginning of our relationship. We spent three years together until the relationship unfortunately came to an end ~3 months ago. Despite the relationship ending, I have no bad blood towards her, I am good friends with her.

She’s the only woman I’ve been with. One day I hope to find that special someone, my player 2 (or player 1 if they want to be player 1, I don’t mind at all)
I hope that anyone else that is going though something similar will find that person too 🙂

Image credits: BritSarcasm

#32

How upset I was when they told me we were adopting my youngest brother, and how I still have complicated feelings about that. I love my brother so, so much, and I am so glad he is in my life. But at the time, my two older siblings were pretty severely ill with chronic illnesses and I was already being parentified with my three younger siblings. I cried for a long time in bed that night because I felt like they already couldn’t take care of the kids they had, and now they wanted to add another for me to take care of.

I’ve only recently begun to admit this to myself, thanks to therapy. At one point my therapist said “You can love your brother and also feel like your parents shouldn’t have made that decision at the same time” and that hit me hard. It’s all a confusing mess though, because obviously if they had waited to adopt again then we wouldn’t have my brother, and that’s not what I want.

Image credits: futuredoctor131

#33

My ex husband hit me a few times. If I had told my parents I know that they would have blamed me for it. Because they thought he was Mr. Wonderful. My sister’s boyfriend hit her once and they basically said well you made your bed and now you have to lay in it. Just don’t make him mad. Seriously that’s my parents.

Image credits: Content_Pool_1391

#34

I am an aspiring medical oncologist, and my mother has cancer. She is great for the time being, but she is considered a high-risk patient for recurrence and, ultimately, death. I know the statistics, I know her chances (approximately 65-70% to overcome cancer completely), and I also know that every patient is different and obviously not just a number. However, I have excruciating anxiety, which I hide perfectly from my whole family because they are hopeful, and they dont know the truth. So I face this anxiety on my own, with the help of a therapist, something that they also don’t know at all, and I guess that they never will.

Image credits: saridas7

#35

That I voted Republican in 1981. My parents were bleeding heart liberals who dedicated their whole lives helping others. Civil right lawyers who stood against THE MAN, large corporations and republicans.

My brother convinced me to vote for Reagan. They would not only roll over in their grave, they would climb out, and haunt me for the rest of my life if they ever found out.

Image credits: Granny_knows_best

#36

That I f*****g hate their guts and I’m only taking care of them because of some base instinct to not let pathetic old people in declining health rot in the gutter. But every morning that I hear them rustle around in their room and know that they are awake and lived through the night, it makes me angry. It makes me want to scream. And I can’t wait for them to die.

(And no, I cannot put them in nursing care. They f****d off all of their money and all of my mom’s inheritance and basically have the proceeds of their condo sale to sustain them for the rest of their lives. If I put them in a home, that money will be gone in 5 years.)

#37

– Never can tell my mom that the reason for my move out was her new boyfriend. – never can tell my parents that 2 persons SA’d me – never can tell them that I have depressions and have problems with suicide thoughts

#38

I only have 1 parent my dad and that secret is that me and my sister suffered terrible mental abuse at the hands of our aunt and uncle for 8 years who we lived with after our mum died (my dad wasn’t around/wasn’t able to take us in/we didn’t want to live with him) and it’s effected us terribly he wouldn’t believe me even if I told him it would crush his world completely knowing he left us in the hands of 2 people who he hero worships for having “looked after us” it would also cause a huge argument I feel like

#39

That I was most likely SA as a young child (4/5). To confirm it I’d have to tell my mum, I don’t think she would recover from this. Also that I spent a night in jail.

#40

I was groomed by adults on the Internet as a teenager and manipulated into doing sexual acts on webcam with them. It was the early 2000s, these predators were posing as kids in the “teen chat” of a popular local music festival. My parents wouldn’t have had the knowledge to protect me. I would do this on the family computer while my brother played upstairs and they were at work. They realistically couldn’t have known much better then, but would feel awful about not having protected me.

I feel OK about it now, so why bring it up to them.

I’ve talked about it with friends and therapists. I guess they did their part by raising me to feel safe being vulnerable with those close to me (friends) and to be someone who is open to seek help (therapy can be really cheap in my country).

#41

That I was groomed into a sexual relationship by some old creep and went through a whole f*****g court case throughout my final two years of high school and the only reason the police didn’t tell them is because they thought it would take two years to complete the investigation and get to court and I’d be 18 by then – and they were right. The story was on the news and everything and I remember mum reacting to it, nerve wracking stuff.

#42

I requested the entire file of my sisters death which includes crime scene photos. I’ve never told my parents I have these photos. My mum will want to look at them and it will destroy her just as it destroyed me.

#43

That I’ve lost my virginity before marriage and have had multiple boyfriends, and that I have a tattoo and drink lol. My parents are religious immigrants. They would have a heart attack.

#44

How kinky I am. Mainly bc no parent EVER wants to know that, but my reasoning and proclivity towards kink comes from breaking the cycle of sexual trauma in my family in a way that makes me feel empowered and safe.

My mom thinks kink is so dangerous and demonized and even light conversations about the subject in general she seems to just not be able to even engage with.

#45

I’ve never told my parents about a r**e attempt (I screamed as loud as possible and the r****t ran away) when I was in high school. My mom was a psycologist working with traumatised people and her usual response to me when ever I complained about stuff, was that I was lucky with my life. So I didn’t need to hear “at least he didn’t r**e you”. I told my girlfriends about it, so it wasn’t something I kept to myself.

#46

That our upbringing wasn’t great. Both my parents were brought up in really bad situations (mum and her sister were constantly abused by their brothers who were violent and alcoholic. Dad was hit by a car when he was 5 and had to relearn how to do everything (eat, walk, talk) and his parents hated each other and took it out on the kids, lot of violence there too). I think they did their best and compared to their upbringings, ours was great. But we were still hit a lot, not talked to, punished for very little things (touching the tv remote). My mum always says we’re a close knit family and my dad says he’s glad he turned away and didn’t end up the way his dad was. Well, we’re not close knit and my dad was still an alcoholic and abusive. My dad is definitely better nowadays but my mum has spiraled. They both have these ideas about how our family is and I don’t have the heart or desire to shatter it and make them even more depressed.

#47

My parents eventually came to know I am a survivor of domestic violence and abuse.

But I have never offered any information about what the abuse was that I endured.

I don’t see how a parent can stomach hearing that about their daughter.

I spared them.

#48

That I have attempted 3-4 times in the past.. and I still have days where I don’t want to be here anymore. That sometimes, I believe I am so useless and i have nothing valuable to offer the world. and that I’m just not going to become successful anyway so what is the point of trying?.. I haven’t attempted in years but the thought will occasionally cross my mind when I am going through a dark period.

I’m an only child & if my parents heard that their only child doesn’t want to live, that would shatter them. My dad has heart problems, along with a pacemaker.. I can’t imagine how his heart would react if I ever told them that. so I keep it to myself.

#49

I had a sugar daddy

#50

That I had a 3rd miscarriage. She handled the other 2 so poorly so she doesn’t get to know anymore.

#51

That I’m nonbinary.

My mom is alright with a lot of lgbtq+ concepts, but nonbinary genders is not one of them. One of my former childhood friends came out years ago as nonbinary trans, and my mom absolutely refuses to accept it and use their neutral pronouns.

It’s probably the only secret I know I’ll never feel safe telling her. I’m lucky that I’m ok with being seen as female, so she never really needs to know either.

#52

That I lost my virginity at 14, don’t think my mom would be happy about that.

#53

That I was exposed to a lot at the sleepovers I attended and it led to some issues that I had to deal with like Shame and guilt later on.

#54

My recreational drugs use. My mom is very anti every substance, alcohol, sigarets, weed, all of it. I got friends in uni that sometimes take drugs for fun, they always do it responsibly, weight the exact amount, let it get tested before taking (testing can be done anonymously and free in the country I live in) and read about the short and long term effects and risks. I told my mom I sometimes smoked weed with friends and she got so upset. I’m not telling about the rest.

#55

Probably that I used fo self-harm myself as a teenager. I have a feeling she knows though.