Getting married is all about merging your life with your partner’s life, but the person you love is likely not the only one who you’ll be expected to accept. Their parents and siblings are often a package deal, which can be great if you fit right in with the family! But it can also be a nuisance if your in-laws don’t understand boundaries and turn your newlywed bliss into a nightmare.
Below, you’ll find a story that one woman recently shared on the Just No MIL subreddit, detailing how her mother-in-law managed to ruin her life and her kitchen all while she was away on her honeymoon.
This woman asked her new MIL to help with a simple task while she was away enjoying her honeymoon
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
When she returned, however, she was shocked to find her kitchen looking nothing like how she left it
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: arch_quinn
Later, the woman shared even more details about the situation
Tension between in-laws is incredibly common
In a perfect world, all married folks would join families where they absolutely loved their in-laws. But unfortunately, that’s not always the case. According to a survey from Fatherly, at least half of married people feel some stress before they have to hang out with their in-laws, and it seems like women dread seeing their parents-in-law even more than men.
In fact, women rank their relationships with their in-laws lower than their spouses do and report having more arguments with in-laws about parenting style than dads do. Another study even found that 70% of married people say their relationship with their in-laws has caused a strain on their marriage at one point or another.
But why are relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law in particular so difficult? Madeleine A. Fugère, PhD, explained a few of the most common reasons moms have issues with their children’s partners in a piece she wrote for Psychology Today. First, Fugère notes that we often don’t end up with the partner our parents would have chosen for us if they had the final say. When looking for love, we prioritize traits like physical attraction, an exciting personality and a good sense of humor. Our parents, however, are more likely to judge our partners based on their family background, their education, their financial prospects, and their religious and ethnic background.
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
Mothers and daughters-in-law in particular tend to have the most tumultuous relationships
Oddly enough, being too good looking can come back to bite you when meeting with your in-laws as well. “Based on evolutionary theory, women who are more attractive than their male partners think more about leaving their relationship and show more interest in alternative partners,” Fugère explains. A stunning daughter-in-law may also make an insecure mother jealous if she’s worried about someone else taking all of her son’s attention and affection away from her.
Choosing Therapy explains on their site that mothers-in-law may become overbearing at times, creating conflicts with their daughters-in-law. This might be because she was raised in a chaotic or traumatic environment, she may be narcissistic or have an inflated sense of self, or she may possess an authoritative or authoritarian parenting style which she feels the need to impose on her in-laws as well.
Some signs of an overbearing mother-in-law are someone who is always hovering around or showing up unannounced, someone who doesn’t respect boundaries, who insists she’s always right, who’s judgmental, who pressures others to do what she wants, who claims her behavior comes from how much she “cares,” and someone who needs to be the center of attention.
And how does dealing with a domineering in-law impact an individual? It can lead to a daughter-in-law developing perfectionist tendencies as an attempt to be “good enough” for her in-laws, can cause low self-esteem, can create issues in relationships with their spouse or the entire family, can cause anxiety any time they have to be around their in-laws, children and grandchildren can even notice conflicts and be affected by them, and it can lead to isolation if a daughter-in-law decides to avoid her in-laws altogether.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Setting healthy boundaries can be key in avoiding unnecessary conflicts
When it comes to navigating a tumultuous relationship with a toxic in-law, We Have Kids recommends keeping your self-confidence high, regardless of how challenging that can be if someone is belittling you. Remain respectful of your mother-in-law, but don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. You won’t be able to please her at all time, so don’t put pressure on yourself to do so.
It can also be helpful to understand your mother-in-law’s methods, so they have less of an impact on you. If she’s manipulative or controlling, you’ll start to notice a pattern of behavior over time. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to it, and she won’t have so much power over you. Forgiveness can also be a very important tool. Even if she doesn’t apologize and doesn’t have any plans to change her behavior, forgiving and forgetting can sometimes feel much better than clinging onto resentment.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever had a similar conflict with your own mother-in-law? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article, check out this one discussing even more drama between in-laws!
Image credits: Danik Prihodko (not the actual photo)
Readers were sympathetic to the woman’s situation, sharing suggestions of what to do next and similar experiences of their own
The post Woman Is Heartbroken After Returning From Her Honeymoon To Find Her MIL Rearranged Her Home first appeared on Bored Panda.