Raising mentally resilient kids makes them better prepared to tackle problems on their own. In fact, studies have found that they’re more likely to be engaged in school and in their future jobs.
However, parenting is hard work and sometimes even good intentions don’t guarantee the best outcomes. Not to mention moms and dads who may have found themselves unprepared for the job.
Earlier this month, Reddit user J—L submitted a question to the platform’s community ‘Entitled Parents‘, asking, “What’s something completely insane your parents did that you only understood how messed up it is when you became older?”
Turns out, there’s no shortage of such examples. J—L has received hundreds of replies, many of which detail tough personal experiences. Here are some of them.
#1
My parents used to strip us naked and lock us out of the house from Friday to Monday morning as punishment. I was in 2nd grade when this started.
They would flip over chairs and have us lay over the backs, and tie our arms and legs to the chairs and beat us with the buckle end of the belt until blood splattered the walls, “so we would bleed for our sins.”
They used to turn the stove on and wait until the burner was red hot and hold our hands JUST above the burners while we sobbed uncontrollably. This only stopped once I passed out a few times and had burns so bad they required ER visits. The Docs asking questions made them stop that.
At age 6 my mom caught her boss touching me and from that point on would SCREAM at me on a daily basis about being a s**t and asking how many d***s did I suck? Regularly. Until I moved out at 14.
Slamming our heads into walls and when we fell, kick us in the head, back, face, ribs until their legs got tired and they would tap out with each other.
When my parents found out my brother used to sexually assault my sister and I from age 7-13 they blamed me for it and cut me out of the family entirely. Despite my brother admitting to it and confessing he sold me to his friends as early as 3rd grade. I still have those texts and read them anytime I miss having a “family” to remind myself they never were that to me. I’m better off alone.
Image credits: HappeeWrite
#2
My parents are Mexican immigrants but my dad became a us citizen along the way anyways. They raised me to cook and clean a was the middle child of two brothers. They always hated when I would focus on school work outside of school and would scream at me to stop. They said women are only good for cooking and cleaning. Currently I’m in school for my masters I’m working as a RN. My two brothers are working customer service jobs and both decided not to go to college after high school.
Image credits: Snausage-Time
#3
Mine were champions of mixed messages. To the point I still doubt my first instincts, or initial decision, At 47 years old!
They would complain I wasn’t dressing nice enough, for school or other events,, then refuse to let me wear a silk shirt out, as if it was something reserved for the queen. I have snuck out a nice blouse on several occasions.
Dad would tell me there must be something wrong with me because I wasn’t “going out” like other teenagers. Then tell me by going out somewhere when I don’t know everyone, I’m going to get myself raped.
That’s just 2 examples
So I second guess *everything *…. still
Image credits: Eureka05
#4
I had bowel issues from age 2 years to about 8 years of age that required multiple surgeries. I physically couldnt poo due to my colon having issues.
My parents locked me in the toilet room from lunchtime until bedtime once (8.5hrs) to try and force me to do a poo. Of course I couldnt as my body would not allow me to.
They put soap up my bottom and would often bash me to try scare me into pooing. My mother overdosed me on my bowel medications, as she was sick of dealing with my issue.
They treated me as if I was purposely holding onto my poo just to be ‘naughty’.
Looking back now and having my own kids, I realise how messed up their behaviour was. How could they do that to someone they are supposed to love and protect?
#5
I would stay up until 3am working for my parents business. When I was 13. And it was a smoking establishment.
I would deliver food to sketchy parts of town by myself. As a 16 year old girl.
My mom started s**t shaming me at 12 for what seemed like everything.
This doesn’t include the physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I didn’t know why but I felt so ashamed even as a kid and I thought it was my fault.
Needless to say, we don’t speak anymore.
Image credits: Criticalfluffs
#6
I was never an acceptable weight. If I was 115 pounds, I looked anorexic. If I gained five pounds, I was told my “a*s looked six axe handles wide.” Consequently, I am still unable to tell what I actually look like.
I was also accused of “sleeping with half the Western hemisphere”…before I had even received my first kiss.
Image credits: MerelyWhelmed1
#7
My mom giving me the silent treatment if I said something she disliked or did something that pissed her off. Half the time I didnt even know what Id done wrong!
As a mom now, I cant imagine ignoring my kid the way she did me or not outright correcting the issue.
Image credits: dewihafta
#8
These are probably small things in comparison but the older I get, the more they upset me. They wouldn’t pay for glasses for me even though I literally couldn’t see the blackboard at school. My dad took me for an eye exam and when I was perusing frames afterwards, he came up to me and said “what are you doing? I never said I was buying you glasses” in this aggressive, angry tone. My dad wasn’t usually like that and it still confuses me to do this day. Idk why he was angry at me over needing glasses (which I finally got at 23 when my state insurance actually covered them, which they do not any more and only did so for about a year). I wear glasses 24/7, I obviously needed them. They also would not pay for braces and now my teeth are screwed up. They never taught me how to drive but they did teach my 3 siblings. My dad is a software engineer, he has always made decent money. So it wasn’t bc we couldn’t afford it.
Image credits: WifeofBath1984
#9
My mom found Christianity and made us all find it. Secular (non religious) cds got thrown away, we had to have angel television (only religious shows), we were forced to go to church/youth group/and church camp. Reading material was the Bible. We had no choice in the matter and were forced to be religious. If we questioned anything we were going to hell and grounded. Shocking that both my sister and I have zero to do with Christianity. Do not force your beliefs on your children. You can guide them but let them make their own choices. My daughters know I don’t buy into any of that but I told them I will support whatever they believe as long as you don’t use those beliefs to hate others.
Image credits: Irondaddy_29
#10
My mother got an internship three hours away from where we lived when I was 11 and my sister was 13. My mom moved there temporarily for six months. So every Friday for six months, my dad would put us on a Greyhound bus and we would ride it alone for three hours and my mother would pick us up and then send us home the same way. My sister was in her “cool teenager” phase, so I got to sit with a lot of weird adults for six months who told me their life stories.
As a teacher now, I cannot fathom putting two children alone on a Greyhound bus one time, let alone for six months over and over again.
After my parents got divorced when I was 14, my mother got a promotion on the East coast (we lived in Arizona). She needed to go to three months of training in Virginia before her job actually started. So she left my sister and I alone for three months. And then she came back and we packed up and moved. She never called to check in, she never had friends stop by to check on us. It was up to me to get me and my older sister fed and to school every day.
Great mother. Haven’t spoken to her in almost a decade. I hope she rots.
#11
My dad demanded my sister and I put our dogs outside in a lightning storm to pee with their invisible fence collars on. We didn’t do it and they were in the house when he got home. The storm was even worse at this point.
In response, he put them outside himself, then locked me and my sister in the dogs’ crates in the garage to “show us how the dogs felt” for a few hours.
I’m not losing any sleep about him being gone.
Image credits: Condensed_Sarcasm
#12
Hearing my mom say to me and my older sister she can’t wait for us to grow up and move out the house since I was 7yo. When I finally gained some independene and tried to move out with my bf, she kept nagging for me to delay the move or come visit frequently after I was no longer living in her house. Similarly, as a teen, I would often go visit friends across the country for several days at a time. Kept calling to ask where I was and when I’m coming back, guilt tripping me to not stay long because that was poor guest etiquette(??), even though I was invited. When I finally got back, she and my dad viciously asked when is the soonest I can go away again. Havent spoken to them in two years, best decision ever.
Image credits: marble-polecat
#13
I never received any recognition for the good things I did. Only greif when I messed up.
As a result, I (now 40) still have trouble recognising when people do or don’t like me. I also have very little confidence in myself. I also struggle with motivation to do things.
Now, my problem is that even though I can see what the problem is, and where it came from, I don’t know what to do with it. I have repeatedly asked the NHS for help, as going private (for therapy) isn’t financially viable. As of now (4 years into asking for help), I have received 6 50 minute sessions, of therapy. Which, in my own words, is like showing up to an earthquake with a dust pan and brush.
#14
Having to eat soap or hot sauce when one of us lied/said a bad word/backtalked. Didn’t matter who did it, I was punished too. And if one of my siblings broke a major rule, I MUST have also done it so would get grounded and lectured, but the sibling that did it would get a minor punishment.
Basically my parents confessed that they thought by showing my siblings that I could be punished, it would deter them from breaking more rules.
Image credits: pizzasauce85
#15
I would get accused of being pregnant at 16. I had heavy periods that would be every 32-35 days instead of 28. She would monitor my period and then accuse me of being pregnant if I didn’t have a period on day 29.
At one point I was anorexic and missed a period and she went mad insisting I was pregnant.
Image credits: VixenRoss
#16
They would take my phone when I was a teen and text my friends pretending to be me to intentionally break up friendships. I’m talking 40 year old people texting 13-16 year olds saying they’re worthless and should give up or leave “me” alone. I used to just be mad and think it was a normal adult punishing me because it was their property. Now I look back and think of how much enjoyment they got bullying children and saying the most awful things.
Image credits: ummmchef
#17
My father was absent until I was 11. He returned and my siblings and I went from neglect to extreme abuse.
We weren’t allowed to win anything that involved my father.
Didn’t matter if it was a board game, trivia, or a video game. If you won, he would beat you to prove that, “he really won”. He was shocked and angry that no one wanted to play with him after the first week.
I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts in the house because, “men have urges” and I was “causing a reaction”. I didn’t realize until last year what that meant. I was 13, which makes my skin crawl.
Everything I did was viewed as sexual. His way of telling me goodbye was, “don’t come home with a wet a*s” and that I didn’t need to work because I was “sitting on a gold mine”.
I’m in my late-30s now and I’m still scared that I’m only good for sex. I’ve been working on it for years in therapy but the shame lingers.
#18
Basically my dad locking me in the house and never letting me leave outside of taking me to school. And sleeping in the same bed as my dad until I was 14. He only let me have my own room when he remarried. And he made me shower with him too.
#19
I was obsessed with buttoning the top button on casual shirts. It felt safer to me to be buttoned up tight, probably because bodily autonomy was non-existent in my family. My mother HATED this habit. It got to the point where whenever she caught me with the top button closed, she would reach in with one finger, hook it behind the button and yank hard enough to pop the button off the shirt. It hurt like hell and usually caused bruises on the back of my neck along with a scratch from her fingernail in front. More than once she had to pull so hard, she backhanded me in the chin when the button finally popped off. She would always say, “That’s one collar you can’t button anymore”.
Now, I can’t stand to have anything around my neck.
Thanks mom, you saved me from walking around with my shirt collar closed.
Image credits: Philosemen69
#20
I was repeatedly informed that they’re spending a lot of money on me and that other parents don’t do so. So I should feel obliged. It took me more than a decade to realise what she said was problematic, and I could not shake of the feeling of being indebted to her till the day she passed.
Image credits: Royal_Anteater7882
#21
The difference between how my stepmom raised me, compared to how she is with my half sister. My sister can do no wrong. I have seen my sister get in my mom’s face and scream at her, yet I couldn’t even “backtalk”. All I could say was yes ma’am or no ma’am, anything else and well… Let’s just say my cheeks hurt. The huge 180 difference between how we were raised, still amazes me to this day
#22
My male parent was horribly paranoid about everything. If I was allowed to spend time with a friend, he would obsessively call their house to make sure I was “really there”. One time we left to a half block for some ice cream. He called when we were out, and that turned into a massive eruption. This particular behavior lasted until I moved out at 24yo.
If it were a movie, he’d find out exactly what time the movie started and ended, then camp out in a parking lot across from the theater to make sure we didn’t leave the theater. And EVERYTHING was like this.
A scumbag who was mad that I wasn’t interested in him convinced his mom to call my male parent and lie to him, saying I’d come by his house to have sex. That was the absolute worst thing I could possibly ever do in his eyes, even though he was an atheist. I had every avenue of communication with the outside world taken away, and was treated like I was the worst person in the world. My best friend at the time was good enough to call the b***h and convince her to call back saying she’d made a mistake. But since it was more fun or something to be hateful, he didn’t believe her THAT time.
I pretty much wanted to be unalive for a far back as I can remember. I moved 1000 miles away, and despite my now ex being a jerk, I was much happier with his type of abuse. And once I was free of HIM, I’ve loved my life ever since, and am very happy. And still 1000 miles away from the crazy.
There’s so much more of course. Being a child in a grocery store and being angrily yanked out of the way of someone because they happened to want to look at something where I was standing (even though I was just following HIM)? Made me pathologically terrified of being even mildly inconvenient to anyone, especially strangers. Just one little detail among many.
#23
Mother told me to always keep a blanket covering my bottom “in case someone is watching you while you sleep”. Also, when changing clothes, “remove panties last and put them on first”.
As I’m typing this, I wonder if it had to do with growing up with tons of siblings in the house. Seems pretty creepy to me, though.
Image credits: Pluke1865
#24
One summer, my mom took away all my toys because she said I wasn’t taking care of them by leaving them on the floor. She told me she threw them away. That year for Christmas, all I got was a garbage bag of my old toys. My sister got a new bike. I was I’m my thirties before I realized how messed up that was. She didn’t even wrap them!
Image credits: Pikersmor
#25
My mom threatened to kill me and herself by driving into oncoming traffic…. I was twelve.
#26
I’m nowhere near the level or even same universe as many here. My mom was just… inattentive. I realize now looking back that she was terribly depressed, so she would often sleep the day away while young me would putter around the house, watch TV, eat cereal for every meal until she’d finally get up just before my dad got home. She still jokes about the time I locked myself in the refrigerator as a toddler and she couldn’t find me for almost an hour. By the time I was 12, we got Internet in our house (this was the late 90s) and I basically just set my own schedule, stayed up all night on chatrooms if I wanted. My room and the computer were on the opposite end of the house so nobody ever bothered me.
They were lucky that I was a “good” kid with crushing anxiety of my own that prevented me from taking advantage of their laissez-faire parenting style because I honestly can’t remember my parents ever… parenting me. Never had hard rules, never had a curfew. I raised myself.
#27
My mom was a super clean freak growing up. To the point that i could never clean my room to her standards. Even if my dad help cleaned it. She would even start vacuuming in the middle of the night at times. She also would repose my action figures and models. Then yell at me if i complained or changed them bacl
#28
My sister was 29 and 9 months pregnant when she died in a really bad car accident. She was very much My mother’s favorite, could do no wrong (but was in trouble a lot, including that time my parents went looking for her when she sneaked out once; My mom ended up falling and puncturing a lung, then spent a month in the hospital).
My mother was a raging alcoholic and bipolar. She did not believe in psychiatry, so I got to get the brunt of it. She told me it should have been me that died, not my sister, and I was a fat waste of space. We didn’t speak much after I moved out. She would call me occasionally and threaten to drown herself in the pond until one day, I said, fine go jump in. Make sure you put a weight in your pants so you properly sink. Probably not the kindest thing to say, but she was looking for sympathy and attention, and once I started doing that, she never brought it up again.
When she died, I kind of understood her. I got what a hard life she had. She never should have had children.
#29
Not having locks on doors I used.
Now when I go to their house I always lock the door when I use the bathroom or change. I’ve gotten into screaming matches with my mom about it.
Image credits: Saxobeat28
#30
First few weeks of 1st grade in a new town, I met a fellow little girl on the school bus. We hit it off and somehow a playdate was arranged. I had younger siblings so my dad was the one to drop me off for the playdate at their little 1 story bungalow. My little friend’s mom was single and she invited my dad in for coffee.
Next thing I knew, we looked up from playing Barbies on the floor and my dad and her mom were running back and forth from her bedroom to the only bathroom across the hall, taking turns wearing the mom’s pink bathrobe.
When we left my dad told me not to tell my mom about anything that happened because if I did she would leave us and I’d never see my mom again. That’s how the affair that broke up my parents marriage started, and eventually both my parents blamed me. “If you hadn’t insisted on playing with that trashy little girl” etc.
#31
Making me comfort her when things were stressful instead of comforting me. I had to be her emotional support person as a child. A few times she’d get angry and call me ‘mom’ like it was an insult. And she was oddly competitive with me for no reason, I just wanted my mom to love me
#32
My mom messaged random boys from my middle school on MySpace to “make (me) some friends”. She lived vicariously through me and desperately wanted me to get a boyfriend.
A couple times she made me message the boys I actually knew and invite them over. ? Heck, the boy who lived next door was a jock she was so maternally in love with (she only ever wanted sons) she wanted us to date so bad and would constantly tell me he was in love with me.
#33
I found $100 on the ground and told my family. My mom told me she would give me $5 in an exchange for the $100. I happily said yes. Now I’m older, I’m like smfh! This isn’t a bad experience but it was funny thinking about it. ???
#34
They made my sister do extremely intense exercises for four hours as a punishment for lying
#35
Oh, the hypocrisy and double standards usually come to mind. When you do something, you get treated as if you were a murderer by them, but “haha oopsie woopsie my bad uwu” whenever they do the exact same thing.
EDIT: A specific example also being, whenever you are doing something the correct way, and they do it the wrong way, you’re still wrong, and they’re always right.
Image credits: KeiseiAESkyliner
#36
My dad never got me or my interests (geeky kid whom finally fit in during age 12-16 with alternative and skater kids), nor had any intention of even trying. I was on a day-to-day basis asked ‘why I couldn’t be normal like my brother and sister’, got called a freak or judged based on what music I liked, books I’d read, or had big interests in computer/console/science related stuff etc. I already felt outside of my home that I never belonged somewhere but at home there was no escape from it either. Messed up my self-esteem badly, among other things.
33 now and I did confront him a few years back and told them how his behaviour towards me messed me up so bad that even at my parental home I never felt welcome. He just doesn’t get it and honestly, I can’t blame him too much. My dad grew up in a farm family where kids were nescessary employees and there was no room for feelings or to think things through before outing some thoughts to avoid hurting unbeknowningly others. Not really a defence, but he always provided, worked extremely hard and that sometimes got the better of him and I ended up as the unfortunate collateral damage in these outings since he just didn’t understand a sensitive kid with interests that didn’t align with his. He did sort of change though once I started putting up boundaries, which is nice to see and I ended up okay, so all worked out. Having that conversation really did put things in perspective for him though!
#37
My adoptive parents were mostly pretty great but two things stand out.
I wrote a suicide note back in middle school. I didn’t go through with it but didn’t throw the note away. My dad snooped through my stuff in my room (which is something he did A LOT, and I still have privacy issues from it. I HATE having people even in my apartment if I’m not dating them) and found it. And they gave me a lecture about it and grounded me for it. Didn’t ask why I wanted to kill myself or attempt to get me help. Just chewed me out for it.
A few years later when they actually put me in therapy, they found out I’d been lying to my therapist because I was scared of what he’d tell them if they ever asked cuz I was still a minor. Which you’d think would be a sign I needed more therapy, but no, they pulled me out of therapy completely because “clearly i don’t want it if I can’t be honest”
They did eventually come around and do some actual research on mental health issues after I moved out and stopped talking to them for a few years. Never apologized though.
#38
My mom put my brother and I on a local ski bus to go skiing for the day. She gave a high school kid $10 to make sure we got off and got our passes. Here’s the caveat….I was 6 years old and my brother was 5. We lived in Central Oregon and the bus went from Prineville 35 miles to Bend (Bachlor ski resort). We skied all day and made it home safely no concept of how. I’m 57, you do the math. Yes, it was a different time, but looking back on it and after having kids of my own, this was absolutely insane!
#39
My mom has an obsession/envy/clingy relationship with me compared to my siblings. She believes I should be more responsible, need less sleep, and cook most meals while my brother sleeps all day and my sister is ignored. If I am not at work, I need to be with her, but I shouldn’t want any time to myself. I know it is weird, but I love her enough to put up with it. She has always been like that since I can remember.