Being kind, treating others with dignity, and respecting others’ boundaries—this sounds like common sense to many people. It’s how any civil and self-confident individual ought to behave. Unfortunately, common sense is in short supply at times… as is basic politeness.

One internet user asked the men of the r/AskReddit online community to open up and share the obvious red flags that they’ve noticed in other men. The question started an in-depth discussion about toxic masculinity, and we’ve collected some of the most egregious examples of it. Scroll down for a crash course on how to never treat other human beings.

#1

Using terms like Alpha, Beta and Sigma unironically.

Image credits: Scout_Puppy

#2

Being a modern day Republican in the US. If he votes in favor of diminishing human rights, how do you think your relationship will go? Does he truly respect women if he is Ok with the removal of bodily autonomy? Will he respect your future kids if they are homosexual or transgender? I get that people change, but I would never set a girlfriend of mine up with someone I know to be republican.

#3

I really dislike men who start lusting and talking about a woman’s a*s, breasts, etc. to me, trying to get me to agree. (And they’d assume that I would, since I’m a guy as well.)

Some people just can’t keep those thoughts to themselves.

Edit: I really appreciate how I am not alone on this. Sometimes it feels like I am, since those perverts are often the loudest.

Image credits: buckyhermit

The redditors revealed some of the most hurtful aspects of toxic masculinity they spied in other men, whether they were their friends or casual acquaintances. It’s the kind of behavior that is very obviously a red flag and would make practically anyone think hard about whether that’s the kind of company they’d like to keep. 

Some of the most awful examples included guys who would constantly criticize their family, men who’d make fun of others (but couldn’t stand being the butt of jokes), uncontrollable flirts, and anyone not in control of their temper. Other red flags that caught people’s attention included guys who would never apologize, were arrogant, and trampled over other folks’ privacy and boundaries.

#4

Random guys I meet through work showing me nudes a girl has sent them.

Like seriously, those aren’t meant to be shared.

Image credits: sucks-fake

#5

Men who can joke about others but can’t take it.
(Can be applied to women too)

#6

Believe me, I’m a nice guy.

Image credits: PrometheusHasFallen

At its core, toxic masculinity is the dark side of manliness and negatively impacts other people. According to WebMD, guys who embrace toxic masculinity are often homophobic, sexually aggressive toward women, violent, and promiscuous.

Moreover, proponents of toxic masculinity have a deep need for control and ‘dominate’ everyone around them, including their romantic partners. A 2017 report ‘The Man Box’ found that 46% of men ‘deserved’ to know where their partners were at all times.

#7

Bartender here…
– They don’t respond well to the word “no”
– They argue for no other reason than to maintain their ego
– They use staring as a flirting technique
– They talk over you in conversation
– They get wildly uncomfortable when their partner is casually talking to somebody else in a public place
– They order Fireball, Hennessy, Patron, or a Long Island
– “What’s the strongest you got bro?”
– Flashing money

Image credits: lostigre

#8

“Women don’t like good guys like me”

Good guys don’t have to self assure themselves that they are good guys.

Image credits: imsrslysrs

#9

If you hear a little voice inside you that says “I can change this man”, he is not the man for you.

Image credits: PowellGrover

Toxic men also often refuse to help out with the housework because they think it’s unmanly. Instead, they view household chores as something that only women ought to do. Around a fifth of American men believe they shouldn’t have to help out at home at all, according to ‘The Man Box’ report. The same report noted that just over a fifth of men thought that they should “use violence to get respect.”

Some guys also frown upon men who show their emotions because they consider that to be a sign of weakness. However, this is a very dangerous perspective because it makes men less likely to ask for help if they’re struggling with mental or physical health issues. 

Meanwhile, a man who is perfectly comfortable in his own skin and an example of healthy masculinity is someone who embraces his emotions, isn’t afraid of his own feminine aspects, and self-reflects on his actions. He’s also respectful of other people’s boundaries and doesn’t mind other people challenging his opinions. 

#10

Consistent lack of personal hygiene

Image credits: ClaymoresRevenge

#11

Routinely acting like a pouty manbaby.

We all have bad days, but I’d steer clear of the guys who very frequently have sour tempers and are very quick to anger. That’s the type of guy who will hit you, punch holes in the wall, drink and drive after every fight, etc

Image credits: drinks2muchcoffee

#12

Being unable to control their temper.

Image credits: tubadude123

#13

Talking about how many women they’ve shagged without being asked.

Describing a woman like a piece of meat rather than just saying “she’s nice/hot” i.e “look at the tits on that” or “love to tap that a*s”

Always wanting to get shitfaced when out rather than just have a few drinks.

Getting into fights.

Image credits: themorganator4

#14

Thinking their entitled to a GF just because they’re a male

Image credits: lwaties

#15

Going out with younger women with a large age gap. It suggests to me that they like control and manipulation and compliance.

Image credits: ImpossibleLoss1148

#16

Suddenly flying off the handle at a minor inconvenience. It’s one thing to stub your toe at the end of a bad day and give the table a whack. It’s another if every moment of stress or misfortune triggers rage.

Image credits: Birs1941

#17

I look at how a man treats ‘unattractive’ women and other men, especially in places like restaurants.

It’s all well and good if he’s polite and nice towards a waitress who’s attractive but try pay closer attention to how he treats those he doesn’t see in that same way and see if you can spot a stark difference!

#18

Never apologizing

#19

Can’t have a good time without alcohol.

#20

Trying to flirt with friend’s girlfriend.

Image credits: SuvenPan

#21

Clenched jaw and crossed arms. If you’re showing me intimidation signals I’m going to ignore you until you go away.

Image credits: SuperstitiousPigeon5

#22

Proclaiming they are an alpha male and treat women like objects instead of people.

#23

Using phrases like “do you know who I am?”

Constantly talking about themselves and how desirable they are (to women, recruiters, hiring managers, etc)

*Only* being nice to certain groups of people (women, leaders, minorities, white people, etc)

#24

Throwing their friends under the bus when women are around. Really struggled to deal with guys I thought were my friends doing this when I was younger. It’s like a switch goes off in them when attractive women are around and all bets are off.

Also not making an effort to be friends or even just nice be to people that don’t have anything to offer them. There are plenty of guys at my job that only talk to guys their age or attractive women, like if they can’t hangout or date them they’re not worth interacting with.

Image credits: TasteIntelligent1328

#25

Constantly s**t talking their wife or girlfriend. Always saying how horrible they are and such a b***h. Then I finally meet them at a get together or something and they are always nice. The guy will act completely different around her also, “yes dear” type of s**t. Then back at work the next day s**t talking her. Grow the f**k up

#26

The three F’s will earn an F from me if all they talk about is fighting, fornicating, and frustrations.

I want nothing from their friendships.

Have a life, you’re a lot more interesting if you do things. Because if you do things, you have things to talk about, to relate with, and experiences to share.

Again… have a life, be able to tell a story.

Image credits: bristolbulldog

#27

By remarkable coincidence, all their exes were ‘crazy.’

#28

When they blame all their problems on women.

#29

Quotes Joe Rogan/ Andrew Tate etc. regulary.

#30

Calling women “bitches”, and not in the sense of “she’s being a b***h” but in the general sense as if “b***h” is a synonym for “woman”.

#31

When you handshake and he forcefully twists his hand on top and yours on bottom.
I instantly don’t trust him

#32

Any man who talks about things like “the natural order” or “the natural hierarchy” is probably an a*****e. Nature is an unruly bush, not a “hierarchy”. People who speak of “the natural order” are usually promoting something much darker than that, and they use the concept of “the natural order” as their excuse.

#33

Fragile masculinity. A “Men don’t cry” type of person. I could go on. Even type an paragraph on this but I won’t

#34

Trying to break your hand with the handshake when they meet you.

I prefer a firm handshake, but when they’re squeezing so hard you can feel your bones and tendons move and your hand hurts afterward, that’s just ridiculous. It’s just machismo b******t to exert dominance by way of physical pain.

Last guy that did it to me (it was at work) I just straight called him out right there. “Oh, so youre one of those hard handshake guys? Why do you do that?” As I shake the pain out of my hand. Was a very awkward professional relationship afterward but he never f****d with me.

#35

Trash talking behind someone’s back.

#36

Just being an a*****e at the gym. How bout you don’t stand 4 inches away from me talking with your friends?

Image credits: Tell_meThings

#37

I had a friend who I confronted for cheating on his wife. He said it’s a part of his culture and his people do it all the time. He’s no longer my friend.

#38

Calling women “Females”.

#39

That he’s better than everyone else. Whatever he does, he done it better

#40

Being unable to laugh at jokes about themselves, especially about being gay. That just screams insecurity, if he tries to prove to everyone that he is in fact not gay, thats either gay as f**k or he has the confidence of a jellyfish. No adult man should be seriously offended if its clear that its a joke.

Image credits: 8sADPygOB7Jqwm7y

#41

Pushing small boundaries that aren’t a ‘big deal.’ Then, once called out on it, backpedaling, apologizing for it, and then DOING IT AGAIN.

#42

Tried to find a less common one.

For people looking for a long term partner:

Beware when someone complains about everything and is seemingly the victim in every situation.

This is the type of person that will very quickly blame you if anything goes wrong, and is likely s******g on you to other people already. Secondly, it means you will be perpetually drained by the negativity over the long haul.

#43

A bit subtler but it’s an inability to talk about their positions in any depth. Like a lot of guys know that their opinions turn off women, but instead of changing them or asking why, they just spout off some rehearsed line. If he can’t explain why he’s pro-choice in any meaningful depth? Likely a red flag.

#44

Refers to the opposite sex in the same way he refers to objects. EG:That thing is fine.

#45

When they blame women for their shortcomings, screams insecure fragile man ego. Aka caring what women do with their lives, how they dress, their sex lives etc.

#46

Talking negatively about their spouse and kids.

#47

I wouldn’t necessarily consider this a red flag, but women should be cautious around men who receive a lot of attention from women. The more attention someone gets the more likely they are to be narcissistic.

Though one that’s a clear red flag is if he’s just never single

#48

Anyone who brings up the “lions not lamb” narrative

#49

Openly hates homeless people. A former colleague was a real POS and this was the one thing that settled it when others made excuses for his behaviour.

#50

Inability to even playfully be mocked. In a weird twist of fate, some of the most serious people out there are the easiest to laugh at. How they don’t realize the levity involved in talking s**t is incredible.

These types are often first to swing, too, which is a disgusting attribute IMO.

#51

1. Mansplaining: when you tell them what you do or have studied or are interested in or country you live in and they start explaining things about them to you.

2. When they don’t have friends.

3. When they don’t have female friends.

#52

Picks fights with people when you’re hanging out and volunteers you to join.

#53

My old manager loved to ask guys what their body count was. He was like 30

#54

Invisible lat syndrome.

#55

Lying to fit in. Just be you dude….

#56

Generally true for both men and women, but how you treat people, especially those that can offer you nothing.

If you’re rude to people for no justified reason, that’s not someone I want to be friends with.

#57

Talking about his previous sexual experiences.

#58

Never accept physical affection from their guy friends when it isn’t a gay joke.

#59

Talking bad about their significant other and kids. Thin blue line apparel of any type. Using the word “females”.

#60

Grown men acting as if fistfights are still acceptable.

If you’ve failed so hard at life that you have nothing to lose (injuries, job loss, jail time, etc) then the rest of the world should be avoiding you like the plague.

#61

Treating people like their leaders in any context.

#62

“I’m sorry you took that the wrong way.”

#63

Guys with loud exhaust and rev their car for now reason. GTFO with that lol

#64

Excessive bragging, one-upping, or putting down other men. A confident, successful man will always build other men up, not break them down.

#65

Big truck, little dude inside

#66

Any form of bullying behavior. It’s not good for friendships, and God have mercy on the women that decide to date these pieces of s**t.

#67

Raises their voice whenever they think they are losing an argument.

Has to drink all the time.

Ask too many questions about a woman’s past.

#68

Punching, throwing, or breaking objects when they get mad.

#69

Misogyny

#70

Taking photos of themselves smoking a cigar, massive b*****d

#71

When they talk down about women

#72

How a man talks to his SO in public. If he’ll ridicule them in public and see no problem with it/boast…I want nothing to do with him.

#73

Huge jacked up truck with a bootlicker flag on the back

#74

Piggybacking off another comment, but when a guy friend starts to describe a woman based on her body (like breasts, butt, etc.) And you check them on it, and they continue anyway while expecting some kind of acknowledgement from you.

#75

Just a red flag in general, likes to talk about themselves a lot.

#76

Littering.

#77

Mullet

#78

Neediness. It’s truly ugly in a man

#79

The ” I’m not racist, I’ve had/would have sex with *insert minority slur* ” guy

#80

Calling me brother when we’ve just met

#81

wearing Pit Vipers unironically.

#82

any man that is performing masculinity, guys that say you can’t wear/do/say/be this b/c it’s not ‘manly’. shows a lack of knowledge of what a man can be and is a big flag for insecure thought.

#83

Fedora